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Need Help Writing a Letter... Please? BioMom has BPD...

Pepper's picture

So, biomom has BPD and has been alienating us for years.. We've read Divorce Poison and it's helped.. The kids are in therapy and we're working on getting a Guardian ad Lietum but in the meantime the Drs and Lawyers think we should email her a letter telling her plain and simple that we are begging for help, communication and that her nastiness will not be tolerable any more. They say it will help our case and cause to "go on record" asking her to help. Right now we do all pick ups, drop offs and pay through the nose.. Biomom is mean and lies and she has flat out told us "you two are on your own". Anyhow.. I can't seem to muster up the words.. Can anyone eloquently help me? I want to ask for help, ask for communication, remind her if the importance of us all getting along and also remind her that her behavior will not be tolerated any more.. Thoughts? Words of wisdom? I know it will go in one ear and out the other bur at lease we can say we tried and this way the court will see the one way efforts going un answered.

Thanks so much in advance.

HadEnoughx5's picture

I sent several emails to BM who has NPD. I was trying to sincerely get her to parent with us and to get rid of the tension between us for the sake of the skids. BM doesn't think she has a problem and therefore everything is either in our heads or we have the problem...NEVER BM. Your chances of her seeing the light on any of it is minimal. If she's a miracle!

I would not come across as "begging" her. I think that feeds into her BPD and she will do it all the more. I would put things to her as, we would like the tension between us to be much lower than it is because it is not in the best interest of the children to keep acting like this, we are the adults. Here are some area's we feel are critical to change and we are asking for your help. (Name all the things you would like changed)

Invite her to have a discussion with both of you in person without the children present. Keep reiterating (sp?) that this is for the best interest of the children.

I understand where your atty is coming need to show sincerity on your part to set her up to fail (and she will) and that you care ultimately about the children.

Don't come across as accusitory, but come across as working on making change. Good Luck

hismineandours's picture

Also know that your letter is likely to be for legal purposes only and will not bring about any real change and in fact, is likely to enrage her even more.