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I just need to vent

Biostep7777's picture

Our HCBM is beyond!!! Every therapist she has seen has stated she has borderline as well as a narcissist. She is sadistic and just has zero empathy. ZERO. She has done some sick sick things to other parents, teachers, coaches and even children. All she does is lie. She lies about everything. 
So, with that in mind my husband documents everything and I mean everything. He writes everything down. He logs into OFW at every pick up and drop off and activity because she states he's "always late" (not true) we take lots of videos (which has proven her lies before) and he has taken some pictures of her at sporting events because she claims to wear a mask everywhere and that she takes covid seriously which she doesn't at all!! She refuses to vaccinate the kids and allows them to not wear masks anywhere and she has never worn a mask so he documented that. She also claimed he's always on his phone at games. This woman has taken her whole laptop to games and sits there and does work. She is ALWAYS on her phone so yep... he took pictures to document that. So yesterday he has his deposition and her lawyer made him out to be creepy for taking pictures (he put them in discovery because that is specifically why he took them! To document) Mind you there were like 4 pictures of her and like 200 of the kids, activities, events, vacations, ect.. 

Her attorney was like "does your wife know you constantly take pictures of your ex wife?" DH was like "first off, I do not constantly take pictures of her. I have snapped a couple to show her hypocrisy and her lies. Second, of course my wife knows and she completely understands why. Nobody likes to have to do this but because she lies and makes false accusations all the time, I need to document to protect myself and my family" 

Ugh!!!! The whole thing is crazy making. So, this is going to be her new thing. That DH is creepy and sneaking pictures of her. I just can't. 

CastleJJ's picture

The whole point of a deposition and her attorney's tactics are to try to discredit or gain information to use against DH, hence making him out to be a "creep". It sounds like your DH handled it well. Nobody wins in family court except lawyers and judges. 

As many have said before, you and DH need to figure out how far you are willing to take this. You know HCBM will never change and never improve, so outside of "not giving up on the kids" and the financial shift you are looking to make, what is the point? 

Biostep7777's picture

Well we have trial next month. Can't give up now. We need this court order.  She's just gross and I needed to vent. Lol! 

Rags's picture

And even if you do "win" you still leave feeling the need for a high pressure scalding hot shower to wash the skeeve off of your skin.  Everthing about family law court is skeevy.  The judge, the lawyers (even your own at some level), the opposition..........

They never got what they wanted, we always got almost everything we wanted. And still the skeeve was strong during the whole process.

Clarity is instant when the moron in the black Harry Potter robes slinging the Fischer-Price wooden hammer says "I hope everyone feels better. Now I am going to do what I always do."

stepmomnorth's picture

This woman sounds pretty crazy and I think it's a really good idea to document every single little thing! The one thing I would caution is with taking photos of her. Has your attorney mentioned whether this is legal or not? Just a consideration. For the record I don't blame you, and it sounds like she deserves it. I just wonder if it's a tool she can use against you, which is why I bring it up. And I hope her crazy comes out in the end! 

Biostep7777's picture

She uses everything against us anyway. No it's not illegal and there were a few pictures and he explained why he did it. He said "of course I knew she would try and use this against me. That's what she does. She finds anything and creates a whole lie around it. But, it's more important to me to protect my family and myself" 

stepmomnorth's picture

That really sucks. Sorry you are dealing with that. She sounds like a lunatic to have to deal with. 

skell76's picture

We made HCBM to look like the creep when she submitted over 80 photos of SD half dressed. She still takes photos of SD when she returns from our home.  

With that said I would imagine anything that she states "always on his phone" a) always is an absolute which would clearly be untrue but also it's heresay. I would rather show text/phone/phone usage logs at the time of the childs game to prove I was not on my phone and that she's lying over documenting her.  Asking her under oath and not to purger (sp?) herself does she wear a mask would seem a more fitting ask than taking photos.  Kiddos are old enough to be asked as well if I recall on if they wear a mask..

Saying that I don't blame you. When you're always under fire and having to prove you do whatever it takes and those depos are to rattle you. Hang in there - you're in the homestretch


Biostep7777's picture

Agreed! Those are great examples. I don't think he even thought of that. 

skell76's picture

in the midst of battle. It's only because we are out of it I can think with a clearer head.  Our attorney said repeatedly we won with the evidence backing and that we maintained looking reasonable whereas HCBM was nothing but.  

Rags's picture

We would take pics of SS just before he left for SpermLand visitation. A clean, well groomed, happy, healthy little boy. Then we would tak epics upon his return.  Including pics of his butt, crotch, etc....  Butt naked.

To demonstrate how cruel they were to that toddler.  He wold return home with butt rach so bad his anus was raw and bleeding, he had puss filled welts on his ass cheeks, had black sludge in his arm pits, around his waist where his underwear would ride, in his crotch, behind his knees.  He would howl in tears when we cleaned him up.  We evne had video of us wringing out the shit and urine from the pull up htey had him in, probably for days, rather than the underwear he wore when he was at hoime. He would leave 85-90% toilet trainied, talking, laughing, etc.. and come back sullen, smelling like shit and sweat, etc...

It got to where we would go straight from the airport to his pediatritions office to get them to document his condition.

Taking picks to document the shit from the toxic opposition, is perfectly legitimate.