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I am dealing with a narcissistic ex wife of my husband

ProtectOurs's picture

I am dealing with a narcissistic ex wife of my husband. Th BM is narcissistic. I have raised her son who is autistic. My husband is in the Army and is deployed right now. I am just so fed up with her an regret not cutting her off long ago like my husband told me to. She can be so nice and call to vent and I talk her through trouble with their daughter. So now he is deployed again and I sent her son to visit her. She did not return him at the end of his visit. I flew to KS to get him from Alaska. I then got home and found out she filed for temp custody. She knew he was deploying for the past year and did nothing, then I was in KS for 6 weeks and she waited to file the papers until I got home. Then she purposefully sent them to the wrong address, hoping we would never find out! I had already hired an attorney to find her in contempt of court though and he found them filled at the courthouse! I had to go back for court where she lied and lied! She lied and said we never told her our address, the school he goes to, when my husband was deploying, and prior arrangements about deployments. I had written documentation to prove she was lying and had made it all up, even the motion! She still won! She is constantly emailing my husband and acts like I must not talk to him at all. She gives him the same info I had days before and she loves to find a reason to talk to him, although he never responds to ay of it. (like he told me to). She makes fake facebook accounts and finds others who will stalk us on facebook. She has raised their daughter to act just like her and I am sorry to say, I cannot stand her. This summer after her dad deployed she walked down to the youth center and they said since she was a "guest" of a member the member had to be there so she made up a story that I had taken all the other children somewhere and locked her out of our home so she had no where else to go. Two of the women who work there live on either side of me across the street. One called her daughter and confirmed the we were home and the garage door was wide open! These lies are too much! the stories and the turning children and others against us. The daughter sees her father as dollar signs and that is it. The BM and 10 year daughter watch inappropriate movies like magic mike together and leaves the child home alone to babysit the 1 year old illegitimate child while she works in the day and nights at a bar as a second job. I support gay rights and everything. I have many gay friends and love them dearly. But she has MANY transvestite friends who are strippers. I think that is a little much to have your 10 y/o daughter, 8 y/o autistic son, and 1 y/o daughter around. She even called my husband crying about her baby and the airport and some crap about the babies bottles. She forgets the hell she put him through, cause he did not care at all. He told her to throw them out and buy more formula, just go get the son!!! Who was stuck as an unaccompanied minor behind security at the airport for his visit. SHe claim him on her taxes every year although he lives with us. Last year she couldn't find his SS# and I wouldn't give it to her, so she looked on OUR taxes that was given to her attorney and I don't know how she got them, but used MY son's SS# and filed her taxes with his number and not her son's. I have no idea what she is doing with my SS# since it was on there too!!! She has brought us to court 4 times in the last 3 years and never gets an attorney! the last two times the judge made her so she got a free legal aid and here we are stuck paying 300.00 an hour. We pay for all travel. We pay child support for the daughter. We buy presents. She has not bought one christmas present or birthday present in the last 4 years and only once before that for her son. We are only a paycheck. We pay and pay then she wants to talk nice and be friends. She knows it will be BAD for her son to change homes due to his autism but she "wants him" so that is all that matters. he has no guilt, no remorse, nothing. I just want to put her in her place, but I don't even think she will get it!

emotionaly beat up's picture

Well, now you know what your husband already knew and tried to warn you about. Learn the lesson and never deal with this woman again. It's not your place to anyway. Your husband knew her, why didn't you listen.

Your right, trying to put her in her place will just give her ammunition to play the victim. She will turn the simplest thing you say into a poor me story. Say no more to her ever. Sort this mess out with lawyers, well, I guess your husband is going to have to do that as you have no legal rights

The best thing that can come from this now is you will learn the lesson and stay well away from this woman.

I hope for the sake of the kids your husband can get full custody and keep these kids away from her.

You won't win, you can't really begin to know a narcissist until you live with one. Stay away and good luck.

mamajh's picture

I don't have any solutions to offer. Just that I know how it feels to be made out to be the devil by a narcissistic BM. They really are so good at pulling one over on those who aren't close to them. I am new here, so I don't want to sound like a pro and that I know it all and what to do. I just want you to know you are far from alone. I find this site very helpful.