Cannot deal with BM anymore
Hi all
Will try to keep this brief. Just want to vent and get some advice.
Been with DH 5 years. 4 Skids. Relationship with Skids is good. I've kind of carved a 'cool aunt' role for myself I think and we care about each other deeply and have a good time together.
Since lockdown, we have been having the kids 50/50. I have created another thread about them not wanting to go back to their mums, but we've been strong and told them they need to have a relationship with their mum. (I'm also the author of Monkeygate 2020 - where she stopped SS7 from bringing home back to us his toy monkey because I do his voice and we go on adventures)
BM was due to be home today at 2 for DH to drop them off after our two weeks. She text DH at about 9AM this morning telling him she wouldn't be 'back' in time and for him to drop them at 5. She's been at her boyfriends an hour away, breaching lockdown, and obviously just wanted more time with him instead of actually stepping up and sticking to the contact agreements. Its literally an hour away so God.knows how she'd know she wouldn't get back in time 4 hours early.
If DH did this (he never has) she'd be fuming.
She's tip exxed my name out the homework log when I did homework with the youngest
I'd done a Autumn project with him and we'd written it all up in his homework book. She threw it away and told him the dog had eaten it. No joke.
She told SD13 that I'd never be her stepmum, a week before we got married
She hasn't got a job and has never worked, even before kids. Shes been living off my DH's CMS and benefits. Now we are having them 50/50 she is kicking off because DH will 'Take her benefits off her' she actually said this only half an hour ago when he dropped them off.
When asked if the kids were happy with us having them 50/50 they said no and would rather 'A decade with you and a day at mums'
I think I hate her. I know how awful that sounds. I'm worried that now her gravy train is coming to an end (they've been separated 7 years, this isn't a bolt out the blue), shes going to turn even more nasty.
I'm in UK and DH will be ringing the CMS tomorrow to get a formal arrangement in place. She said if it goes to court the court will want the kids to stay with us full time. She said she couldn't get a job because she wouldn't have time to go to appointments or do the food shop.
Anyone with any advice on what I fear is an impending wrecking ball would be gratefully received.
I feel your pain, having a
I feel your pain, having a toxic BM is the worst.
The best way to do transfers is for the receiving parent to pick them up, to avoid what happened here. I hope your DH told her that he would not be dropping them off at 5, but she was welcome to come pick them up then.
IMHO the behaviors of this
IMHO the behaviors of this kind of toxic individual cannot be tolerated. I agree with Tog. BM can drive to pick them up if she will not be available for the agreed drop off.
Good luck getting the toxic opposition under control.
With such a high conflict bio mum
I expect bio mum to refuse to pick up the kids
BM's refusal is on her. Then
BM's refusal is on her. Then it falls on the OP and her SO to either take the kid to BM or ... let it ride until BM caves.
Both have consequences. Taking the kid to BM rewards BM for her failure to comply with the CO. Keeping the kid until BM picks up interferes with the routine of the OP's family.
The action I would take would depend on what would return the best advantage or my side based on the discreat issue of the moment.
Thanks so much for replies.
Thanks so much for replies. That's a good idea re: her having to collect.
She has asked DH to tell her how to get a job *biggrin*
She has just messaged DH
She has just messaged DH saying we will be going back to the old setup! She has obviously decided that the kids are less important that £250 a month. The kids want to have 50/50. In fact, they want to have more with us! They've said a decade with us and a day at their mums :/
We have encouraged them from the start that they need a relationship with their mum. She has obviously got into their heads and would rather drag them through family court than listen to the kids wishes.
I can't deal with this.