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Borderline Personality Disorder

strugglingSM's picture

I know that this is from a gossip site, but it’s worth noting that Angelina Jolie has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Angelina Jolie Making Divorce So Hostile Her Lawyer is Quitting - TMZ

I can definitely see some similarities to my situation, where BM tries to invalidate DH as a parent. She doesn’t try to totally destroy his relationship with SSs because she doesn’t want them at her house all the time, but DH has definitely been cut out of all parenting decisions and roles by her. 

Also, DH was entitled to alimony during the divorce and also entitled to a claim on BM’s business, since he took on more child rearing, so she could work more. During that whole process, BM angrily threatened him and he didn’t ask for any of it (he also didn’t have a lawyer and his family refused to help). I told him that if he had asked for alimony or a cut of BM’s business he would have ended up on Dateline as one of those husbands who go missing in the middle of a nasty divorce because the soon to be ex wife had them killed.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

When was she diagnosed with BPD?

Not sure how I feel about people with certain personality disorders having primary custody. BM2 finally got diagnosed bi polar in her forties. By that time, her three damaged daughters were all adults and well on their way to perpetuating the dysfunction. I’ve always felt she was more BPD than BP.

Its such a complicated issue, and it’s the kids who suffer. Hope things get sorted soon.

strugglingSM's picture

Three counselors have told me that BM has "borderline tendencies". They can't diagnose from afar, but she meets a lot of the criteria - splitting (someone is amazing until they are suddenly the devil - this happened to DH 3-4 years into their relationship, at which point, they were already married), enmeshed with her children, violent mood swings, binge eating (to the point where she weighed 400 pounds before having stomach surgery), gambling (when she and DH first got married, she estimated that she spent $25000 a year at the casino. After they were married, she would hide her spending, but DH took some of her financial records and she would spend $2000-4000 a night at the casino based on ATM withdrawals), not filing or paying taxes (even though she makes her living as a CPA and could potentially lose her license or her job, if her employer found out that DH was granted an innocent spouse ruling - meaning that the IRS blamed her for "fraud" or "misdeeds" related to their unfiled taxes), taking prescription drugs that her friend got from her stepfather who was a doctor and would prescribe them anything. She also in general, has a very juvenile emotional demeanor - she reacts to everything as if she was a young teenager and the sky is falling. 

DH also had two counselors tell him that divorce would be good for him because BM was abusive. One counselor told him that he should ask for 50/50 custody because he could show that he had been a caregiver to the children and he'd get it. However, he didn't want a fight and couldn't afford a lawyer, so BM is left with full-time custody. 

She already totally manipulates both kids. One loses it every time he can't call her back right away because he thinks she'll be mad at him. The other one is so enmeshed with his mother - she used to call him 4 to 5 times during visitation and we only have them from Friday evening to Sunday evening. Our visits are so much calmer when he doesn't bring his phone because then she can't rile him up. If BM is mad at DH, then this SS is mad at DH. She also told both kids that when we moved closer, DH and I would try to take the kids away from her, so she's already setting them up for saying they abandoned her. That being said, she still leaves them home alone most of the time when they are with her (staying out until midnight on week nights and weekends with her SO). 

I'm sort of worried about what will happen to them when they actually claim their independence (they are tweens now, so not quite rebelling, yet), because I figure she'll lose it. But, I know I can't correct for that and would drive myself crazy if I tried to take it all on myself, so I just focus on what we do when they are at our house. 

Goodluck's picture

It appears that mothers with mental health issues are glossed over, embraced and somewhat glorified when the issue of child custody comes into play. 'Just a single mom doing the best she can for her kids"

The other side is when it comes out a male soldier may have been diagnosed with PTSD or shell shock , old term used.  All hell breaks loose and dads are given sup visits IF they are lucky. He is viewed as a danger to all and unfit as a parent.

A bm who has  mental health concerns should be treated the same way as a dad. They arent. 

Just on Thursday was it.. a mom threw her young toddler off a bridge. The baby died. I always wonder how often DSS was called to the home over the past few years. Also concerning when I hear on ST..the moms who are running from on state to the next. There too is a red flag....running from DSS..




strugglingSM's picture

It's the old "mothers know best" thinking where somehow when you physically have a child, you are imbued with this magical, maternal instinct that makes you all knowing and infallible. Complete BS, but society has bought into that myth hard.