Books/resources for parents-step parents getting along -- BM doing unstable things / control
Hi there, my personal crazy BM situation is now in mediation, hurray. She chose this family counselor / mediator, and she is a master manipulator. I wondered if she would somehow have exerted any influence on this mediator prior to my husband getting there, and they had spoken on the phone already, which to my understanding is not done by more established mediation firms I have called to check about this stuff. She's a one-woman shop, and her web site features a gigantic photo of her using her name as the doman name to her site. Seems wholly unprofessional in general.
So, the first thing BM asks for in this "mediation" is that I, SM, have zero communication between with her. My husband travels a great deal, and I'll take this for face value, but what struck me is a) the impracticality given I'm at home and the husband travels often (tho she has demanded custody any time he is out of town also) and b) I was very surprised that the mediator basically rolled over on this one and just said fine, that makes sense.
Now, I can take or leave being emailed by her, but in some instances it seems potentially injurious in terms of loyalty / alienation things when, for example, BM is also going through my husband alone to get the message over that kid A left a retainer at our place while my husband is in another country and I live a mile from the school (BM is an exec and works 20mi from schools).
From everything that I have read, it's demonstrated that bio and step parents all are recommended to get along. However, I've been looking all day and find no good publications touting this, over simple Web sites and Dr Phil, not that there's anything wrong with him, bless his heart.
Does anyone know of any blended family books that my husband could use as a reference?
The fact that BM goes through the kids with all messages lately while putting me down if I don't let her know about various things in their household and complaining that she does all of the kid-errands etc, and allowing only her nanny to help out never me of course (which is generally fine with me, though we offer), and now is also going into firm alienation land with her twisty manipulations and claiming the kids have a "horrible" time with us... has me questioning this mediator and her competence.
If my husband had some real references to indicate there are BM issues, I think it could be useful. If anyone knows of some, please get in touch or post here. Thanks so much! :