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BM is so mentally handicapped. How is BM even still alive?

Gracefulsilver's picture

Ok so I have been with my So for over a year.  I have 2 children and sole custody of them.  He has 2 children with one grown and out of the house.  His daughter 15 decided to move in with him 4 months ago.  I do not understand why the BM still has any rights to make decisions for her daughter at all.  BM was an alcoholic and may still be one.  It got so bad that when SD was a baby BM got caught drunk and with more alcohol in her possesion walking around town with the baby so she lost custody to the state for awhile.  SO wanted his daughter to live with him so muchand he finally got it.  BM is mentally handicaped (mentally retarded) and bi-polar.  I do not understand how this woman has not killed herself from sheer stupidity.  We have had to block this woman and our friends have started to block her too.  She feels it is her right to yell at us anytime she wants, countermand anything my SO does to correct SD, and demand money (hundreds of dollars a month).  BM does not work and will not work, neither will her husband.  She has passed on some revolting and idiotic habits to her daughter now and accusses us of being the reason she is financially unable to provide for herself and her husband (they recieve welfare and food stamp benefits along with housing susidary and energy grant)  I am so tired of this woman and her daughter being such drama queens.

hereiam's picture

I hope your SO does not give BM money, especially since his daughter is living with him.

How are you and your SO the reason that BM and her husband cannot provide for themselves?

I have a feeling that it's going to be a hard road regarding SD. It doesn't sound like she is going to be any more responsible or self sufficient than her mother, and she may have inherited some mental issues.

If SD is not willing to let your SO guide her or get her help, is he willing to let go when she becomes a legal adult? Because at some point, she has to be willing to help herself.

Gracefulsilver's picture

Yes, So is willing to launch her forcefully if necessary out of the house.  And SO did it once before with his son who woud not goto college or get a job.  SO was paying child support and will do so if SD goes back to BM.  I do not see SD ever being willing to help herself because everything "isn't my fault" or "I can't help it".  SO does not give BM any money now and BM is super mad.  This is reaching a boiling point.  I plan to sit back and watch the show.  No matter what we do BM undermines our authority and does the exact opposite just to spite us.  Including harrassing phone calls to SO, myself and our friends.  Each time someone blocks her she finds another person to call and harrass.  It's unbelieveable

Goodluck's picture

So are YOU holding up?

Bm and her husband are under the umbrella of the state.  She should also have Medical too.  IF she is receiving food stamps, welfare, housing and electric subsidies..I would guess she has a disability check  AND so does her husband.??????

dh is  not morally required to give BM any cash at all. I am not sure why your husband has decided to give it to her. That is a question for him.

IF he wanted to be compassionate he could (you could) purchase a few bags of groceries 1, 2x a month.. Never give cash, never give gift cards.  Doubtful BM will accept food...she wants cash. But for what. Thats the REAL question. And why does your husband feel obligated to do this, over and over again. Is bm selling her food stamps. Hey thats is what people do.

It is understandable why BM would be blocked. Your sd is 15...not 5.

Time to end the madness with bm. Give BM all school contact info, and make sure she has sd's doctors info. SHE can make contact with schools and doctors if she has concerns.






Gracefulsilver's picture

My SO does not give her money.  He did pay child support while SD lived with her BM.  This woman thinks she is supposed to still get the support even though SD now lives with SO.  SD is a nightmare too.  BM taught SD to be just like her.  The thing is BM is not really disabled to the point she cannot work, she has a thyroid condition and walks with a cane.  She could get some small job just to add income to the home.  Her husband is even worse he is perfectly capable of physically, mentally, and emotionally holding down a job, he just refuses to.  Not our problem and BM will just have to get over it.

Rags's picture

If there is not CO requiring DH to give his X money he needs to let them starve and rot.  I get that she is the mother of his children but any responsibility he has to provide for her is long gone and for damned sure with the waste of skin next husband in her home DH should not be voluntarily supporting them for a single penny.  Let them both starve.

Your DH has done the work to move his life forward by dealing with his alcoholism and depression. He cannot sacrifice himself and your marriage to that past.



Gracefulsilver's picture

Yes, my SO has moved forward and has recovered from his alcoholism and depression and is still working on gettig further in his life everyday.  I told SO that he is not obligated to feed BM and her husband, he said he bought them food because of his daughter needing to eat.  We discussed it and have agreed if BM and her husband cannot survive and feed SD then Sd need to come to his home to eat and be provided for.  It is not our fault that they cannot survive on subsidized housing. a monthly disability check for BM ,energy assistance,free medical care, and over $500 a month in food stamps.  At this point he says if SD does go back to living with BM then they get the support and nothing else.  It's about time in my opinion.  I still do not understand how this woman is surviving without being in a psychiatric facility without living with family.  BM doesn't even understand how to change a litter box for their cat.