BM has no rules, I suffer the consequences
We have custody of my SS because his mom "couldn't handle him". She is bipolar, an ex heroin user and generally unfit to parent. He's 10 ( 3 weeks til he's11). So my husband was forced to take custody or my SS would go into the foster care system. I suffer the consequences. Husband works, I do not. So every morning I have to wake up, remind him 85 times to get dressed, remind him to brush his teeth, etc. And yet these few things take him 45 minutes cause a fly on the wall distracts this kid (yes, ADHD and ODD). He's medicated for his issues. He doesn't greet me or talk to me unless he is told to. This child isn't likeable. He's mean to my dog. His grades are mediocre and he has no friends cuz "nobody is nice". He's a whiner, a crier, delicate to a fault. For no medical reasons he pisses himself and shits in his pants while wide awake but he's "busy". My own BD is outgoing, smart, friendly and charming (she's 21 and lives away from home due to my SS). His mother has visitation which is a nightmare cuz she goes to bed while my SS is glued to Grand Theft Auto and he is up til dawn (BM confirms this). We have him involved with scouts, martial arts, band, religious ed and local "tween" nights to try to socialize him. His BM doesn't support his activities.
How can I handle this? My husband throws his hands in the air and makes empty promises ("I'll ground you til your 40!" Or or "I'll take away that toy"). No follow through, no real consequences.
Is this just how my life is for the next 7 years?? I don't think I could tolerate that.