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BIFF Response working? Or BM scheming?

theoutsider's picture

So my boyfriend has physical custody of the kids, BM gets EOWE visitation.

BM is EXTREMELY HOSTILE, and possibly an undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder based on what we have seen in her behavior.

Within the last year my boyfriend has switched to email only communication and at first this eased tension, but then it escalated it.
I just discovered Bill Eddy's BIFF Book and showed it to my boyfriend. He has within the last week or so been using BIFF.
And it is like night and day, BM immediately responded in the same manner, (factual, to the point, not emotional, no foul language, all about the kids, no pointing fingers of blame)

This is obviously GREAT, but we all worried on this side that it is "too good to be true" and that BM knows what is going on, or has an alternative motive.

Anyone have experience with this?

theoutsider's picture

This is nice to hear.

Our BIFF Responses have literally turned a light switch off in BM brain.
I was really scared that it was too good to be true, especially since IT WAS SO EASY to do.
It's almost scaring us.

Cperry726's picture

I am not yet familiar with all of the abbreviations... What is BIFF also what does DH stand for?

theoutsider's picture

If you stop feeding the beast, the beast learns to go elsewhere to get food.

Just like any animal,...

BM wants drama, you stop giving her drama and she will eventually stop coming to you to get her drama.

PolyMom's picture

I'm trying the BIFF method for the first time. I'm hoping it's helpful. I'm also cc'ing our lawyer, her lawyer and the children's lawyer so she understands that others are still watching her. If you're familiar with the method, please let me know how this is:

Dear BM,

Last year there were 2 instances of failed exchanges for the kids, caused by an inability to effectively communicate. In order to avoid that this year, I have attached a list of dates and times of where the kids will be for holidays and vacations according to our settlement agreement.

As I understand it, when each visitation period is over, we revert back to the original schedule. With this in mind, I found that Easter falls on April 20, the last day of the boys’ spring break with you. This is originally my weekend, so I will expect to pick them up at 5:30 PM that day.

Also, so summer vacation is clear, please notify me of your dates and times in writing by June 1, 2014 as per our agreement and I will do the same for you.

Please respond to this letter by November 27, 2013 in writing that you acknowledge and agree to abide by the dates and times set forth herein.

Thank you,