Why does dh care so much??

Forums:

Idk how many of you guys have seen posts in the adult skids forum, but I am trying to disengage from my adult skid. He's currently in prison and claiming to want to make up with me. Dh had asked him where he's going to go after prison and mentioned here potentially but skid claimed that it wouldn't work as I don't like him-also claims he doesn't want to come here. I suspect it's a ploy to try to make me feel guilty for not wanting him here but idk for sure. My stance with dh has been that I am working on forgiving him but I don't wish to have a relationship with him although if I see him I will be civil. Dh counters with how I need to "get on board" and I'm "not supporting him." I am absolutely not willing to let him stay here when he gets out. Dh says he's changed and hasn't gotten into trouble so far, but idk if that's more to do with the fact that he PC'd himself so he'd have fewer opportunities to get into trouble or the real deal. Either way, I don't want him here. Thing I can't wrap my head around is why does dh care so much whether I am involved or not??? It's not like dh can't have a relationship with skid without me involved.

You are the only one holding

You are the only one holding DH accountable for his son. The way his son has turned out is a direct reflection on his efforts at parenting. By not following his wishes, you are holding up the mirror and he doesn't want to face the reality of who his son is. He wants to wallow in denial.

The adult forum really is a good place for support and experience. Adult skids bring new challenges that younger ones don't have yet.

I get what you're saying but

I get what you're saying but I disgaree...dh didn't raise skid. She named him after someone else, put him on the birth certificate, and only decided dh was allowed in his life once he was violent and out of control. I'm sick of his challenges, I'll tell you that. Skid needs to find his big boy panties and figure out his own life...and **GASP** GET his own life.

He cares because HE wants his

He cares because HE wants his son to be able to come to your home.

He feels his son won't be successful if he is released with no good place to go. But, you know that since he has been locked up... his ability to mess up is reduced..lol.

He keeps saying "it might not

He keeps saying "it might not even happen" referring to skid staying here....I'm thinking there's no "might" about it it WILL NOT happen. I won't allow it.

Here’s my opinion - your DH

Here’s my opinion - your DH is being a selfish ahole. He doesn’t give a damn about what you want - it’s all about what he wants.

I have a POS adult SS. When I reached my limit I told my DH to keep him away from me. That was 2 years ago. Not once has my DH tried to convince me to change my mind.

If your DH really cared about your welfare he would STFU.

Get used to your DH defending

Get used to your DH defending his invalents. Its almost as if your DH is watching his kids, as they are holding a knife and proceed to stab him in the back. My SO is the same way. He doesnt get how worthless, but then again, i believe it would be hard to hear, somoene saying your kids are worthless. But sometimes people are what they are.

Dont let him guilt you, he is a felon. I do belive at times people can change. But not that fast. Hold your ground girl. The beauty of the situation is: He's DHs convicted felon, Not your convicted felon. DH can take care of him, but not on your dime or on your time. Your DHs son can go to a halfway house or perhaps a rehabilitation centre for convicted felons, they can house him and even find employment. Hes a big boy, SS can figure it out on his own. DH can provide moral and emotional support, but I would advise against anything more until he proves himself, if he ever does. And typically when you let skids on the money train, its hard to get them to off board.
Good Luck!

Jail Talk

When they go to jail or prison they 99% of the time have "jail talk". They've changed and found God. Don't fall for it. There are plenty of organizations that can help with re entry into the public population. Has he been taking any classes? Hard to do when you are in protective custody. Why is he in protective custody?

I would let him know there is

I would let him know there is no way he will ever live there, and you refuse to talk about it further.

He probably believes that somehow he can repair the damage to his son that was not caused by him, and make him into a better person. You don't have to be delusional that way.

It's kind of like the saying,

It's kind of like the saying, "misery loves company". Your DH doesn't want to be alone in supporting his loser son. He wants your help in helping him. The thing is, you have no reason to be emotionally (or otherwise) invested in this guy and your husband needs to let.it.go.

He's just jealous because you have every right to wash your hands of this guy, but your DH is his dad, so he doesn't feel that he can (although I bet he wants to). That's why he wants you to "step up", be more involved, and be a mother figure to him, to ease HIS burden.