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Supervised visitations from dad

Stepmomwhy's picture
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My so has supervised visitations because he smokes weed. He's had supervised visitations for 5 years other than a brief moment of unsupervised for 2 months. He had tested clean for the courts did the program. Went to rehab as ordered by the ex so he can get them back. We went to Colorado for my birthday and we can back to a suprised lentil stating she was requesting him to go take a ua or back to supervised visits. He went he failed. And has never tried to go back or quit smoking. He says he's not going to no matter what. We both smoke so I don't have a problem with it. And bm knows I smokes but said it's fine that I do she just cares about so wich is good but this makes me feel like it's the only way she can control him and his time with his son. While he was allowed to have supervised visitation at our home I bought him everything I would buy both of my bio kids and I would send it over because he's not allowed overnights and we simply see him 1-6 hours a week if that. Bm got use to this and so did my mother in law. However since then she says they are only allowed to have supervised visitation at his moms house. Me and my mother in law do not get a long. She's fake and I don't feel comfortable having a relationship with her because her and my so ex have created a super close relationship. My other in law cause the other kids she has her grandkids but yet never comes by to see my kiddos that are biologically hers. I don't say anything about it my kids have me and there daddy and that's more than enough. I have stopped buying clothes shoes and even attending the visits for the last 3 weeks. I don't plan on ever stepping foot into that house to be quiet honest. If my so chooses to take the our kids that's fine  but I don't wanna be around. My so doesn't even wanna go over there but he has to because that's the only way to see his son and he's not planning on ever stopping weed. I can't bitch at him about the weed use because I smoke too. He's a amazing father to our kids. He was out for 12 weeks because he broke a bone in his foot and I did not have to do anything at all. Everything had taken care of for me. I legit didn't change a diaper in 12 weeks because he was on top of everything. He still stays on top of everything on days off and when he gets home from work. Me and so relationship is awesome! We get along great! We are like best friends. I can honestly say this would be my happy ending if i didn't have to deal with any of this  crap. I am choosing to not participate in visitations anymore because of my other in law not my step child. He's nice and for the most part respectful. We get along well. I just absolutely hate my mother in law and I need my peace back. So is upset but he's ok with my decision. I know this is going to be something used to make me look like a shitty person but I just want my peace back. I have the perfect life other than having to deal with constant disrespect from bm and mother in law. 

Stepmomwhy's picture

I did not proof read so my apologies. My mother in law calls  her other kids that are not my husbands her grandkids and it bother my so and me because she's never around for our boys. 
 

he only has one 8 year old boy with his ex that he got pregnate in high school. 

 

 

Stepmomwhy's picture

The supervised visits use to be at our house with my mother in law just this last month. Mother in law and bm said only at her house from now on because it works for her better. I get it that's fine she's doing a favor but I am no longer going to be attending the visits. 

tog redux's picture

Blows my mind that he'd have supervised visitation for using a drug that's legal in many places. Is there more to the story, did he endanger SS in some way by drug use? If not, this seems quite ridiculous.

tog redux's picture

I understand that. But it's very odd for anyone to get supervised visits for what is considered a relatively mild drug. It would never have happened here before cannabis was legal. In fact, it wouldn't happen here for drug use, period, unless that use endangered the kids in some way. Lots of parents smoke weed and drink and don't lose access to their kids.

Stepmomwhy's picture

Delta 8 is not illegal in our state and that is what we use however is still has thc in it. We by from dispensaries there's nothing illegal about it other than actually marijuana being illegal. 

Stepmomwhy's picture

The court order was placed when my so was 19. He didn't have a stable place after their break up and was trying to get on his feet. Nothing else happened. My step son has never been in danger or around marijuana around us. My so went o mediation and he agreed to all her terms and fulfilled them until she went back to court and he just gave up because we knows he's going to be in and out of court. My step son loves being around us but every time we do something fun we get a hateful message from his mom. My so aggreed to her terms because she kept telling him that she was going to take him completely away and have her husband legally adopt him. At 19-20 he didn't know it wasent possible unless he wasent around. He was bullied into agreeing simply because he didn't want to loose his son

Stepmomwhy's picture

Bm gets to decide because my so doesn't want to go to court. We've tried reasoning with her but all she says is if you don't like my way then let's go to court and my so is scared of loosing his son because he smokes weed even though I tell him he can't because he pays child support and is apart of his life. My step son literally cries about having to leave and barely being apart of this household. He tried asking me why and I didn't feel that was my place so I told him we can ask him mom and daddy together if it would make him feel comrtable but he said no just daddy and my husband didn't wanna explain anything because he's afraid of bm withholding him. She withholds whenever she wants because she knows she can threaten him and he believe it. 

Winterglow's picture

Sounds like going for a court order might be worthwhile. After all, how much worse could things be? 

Stepmomwhy's picture

I told him to go to court and see what happens because I highly doubt he can be taken away because he has a whole other family two brothers a active dad and a wanting to be active step mom but I'm not because of my mother in law always being nasty to me and taking ex side. She's told he she has to go see her grandchild. I understand but even when she's super wrong we are fucked

Winterglow's picture

Your MIL actually has absolutely no rights (at least not until one of the parents die and maybe not even then). Your so seriously needs to talk to a lawyer. 

tog redux's picture

Yeah, the court won't take his son away, and he'd likely get a better custody arrangement than he has now, especially if he stays clean for a few months and tests negative. BUT, that won't stop BM from interfering and trying to control everything, and dragging him back to court all the time for stupid issues.  Many of us on this board have experienced that, and I don't blame him for not wanting to deal with that - it gets worse when you take this kind of BM to court.

Can you clarify how delta 8 is not illegal if marijuana is illegal (I still think it's absurd to make someone have supervised visits for a drug that's so commonly used, illegal or otherwise).

Stepmomwhy's picture

Delta 8 does not have the effects that marijuana does. It's like baby marijuana so it takes your anxoiousness away but it doesn't give you an actual high. It's sold legally like cbd all over Kansas. I guess it's a loophole Kansas has when it comes to marijuana. If a police officer is to stop you and you have the receipt then your good to go. It looks just like marijuana. Google defines it as the following:Unlike CBD, delta-8-THC produces euphoric effects that are similar to but milder than those of delta-9-THC, the well-known psychoactive compound in cannabis. Delta-8-THC is an isomer of delta-9-THC. The only difference between the two molecules is the location of a double bond between two carbons.

Stepmomwhy's picture

He's not going to stop smoking is the problem. He's done everything needed before for it too only last 2 months. He doesn't think the time and effort is worth it anymore.  Hopefully I can convince him but I know he's against it because of all the problems it will cause. He just wants a peaceful life for our boys .
 

 

simifan's picture

Tell your SO to take his balls back & get this taken care of. While I realize it's technically illegal where you are, this is way over the top. He should file. Even if he goes Pro Se he has nothing to lose but some time and the court costs. I'd go with a test that shows he only does pot. It's legal in so many places now, I can't see supervised visitation holding up. 

 

Stepmomwhy's picture

Your are right!! All neighbor states are legal and we can easily prove it's bought a actual business nothing illegal. We literally have nothing to loose but money and some court time.

tog redux's picture

Yes, even though I think court is essentially useless in most cases, it might be good for BM to hear she doesn't get to control when he sees his son. 

Thumper's picture

Let him have sup visits.

He clearly would rather be stoned than clean and sober for his child. 

I would not want my kids around that either. 

Rags's picture

Illegal or not substance abuse has any number of related behavioral and character issues that the courts can and should consider in custody/visitation/ support situations.  
Alcoholics are often saddled with supervised visitation and alcohol is a legal drug.

Employers, many of them, terminate the employment of employees whose substance abuse interferes in their work or who test positive.

I am fine with substance abusers having controlled and supervised visitation