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Step children refusing to stay

Helpmeplz's picture

My step children have never had much of a problem staying at mine and their dad's. This trip home (he's offshore), the youngest has been refusing to stay at our house and keeps phoning his mum to come pick him up which she does, the oldest one tonight has refused to come back to ours after a club and she's took him home. It's just a carry on but I feel she needs to stay away when their at ours, it's our day so she shouldn't be taking them to clubs etc. My boyfriend says it's me being "immature" and it's their mum at the end of the day but he doesn't get how I feel at all. There is a lot of bad blood between me and her anyway but he would rather I was annoyed and kept the peace with her rather than say anything or take account of how I feel. Please help, I'm not coping.

tog redux's picture

Well, sounds like she's trying to mess with your time and relationship with the skids, but in the end, they are his kids and he can decide how to deal with it.  I'd step back and let it go. But don't help deal with their rotten behavior either.

oneoffour's picture

She is messing with you to annoy the crap out of you and this will drive you and BF apart. Whether she wants him back or not this is about getting under your skin. Is dad at home? If not then he should not expect you to take care of them when their mother is available. If he is home he makes the decision whether to see them or not.

So try this. Pull back a little. BF can cook for the kids. You only do their laundry of it is outside their room. Otherwise no laundry being done. BF cannot have it both ways. You are his nanny when he wants you and dismissed you when he gives in to his kids.

And won't it drive his ex crazy of you back off and say "No problem. See you later." And go off and do something else. She expects you to fight it out and you simply decide not to fight.You don't lose anything. You just choose not to fight. She gets to be their mother and you get time alone.

If your BF decides not to see them that is his choice. But neither can he expect you to drop everything and take care of his children. You need to stand up to him and say "If they do not come over that is your choice. But I am not changing my plans in future because you get a case of 'Guilty Daddy" and expect me follow along with whatever you plan for you and your children. And I will not be on call as a babysitter for you and your ex."

You will not win this one. Sorry. But this isn't the end of it all.*diablo*

Helpmeplz's picture

Basically feel like a glorified babysitter, literally do everything mum and dad should do but don't, it's really hard to take a step back. it your right, keep saying we need set days but it's as And when it suits the ex, I booked us a day away tomorrow, gave her 2 weeks notice but I'm the bad guy for making plans for us, even booked it for a Sunday so she'd get Friday and Saturday night to herself but still can't do right, we've taken them full weekends so she can go away but one day for us is causing a drama. Having my life dictated by her and her kids..

MrsStepMom's picture

Get out now. You aren’t married. Do not tie yourself to someone with kids. Scroll through this website for motivation on why that is the best idea. 

Maxwell09's picture

If dad isn’t there then their mom should be carting them everywhere. Unless they’re younger (infant/toddler/younger kid) then I think they should be able to go back to moms if dad isn’t around. Skids preteen-teen just aren’t worth the trouble they could cause if left alone with them if they’re being forced to be there. 

Helpmeplz's picture

He is here I don't see them when he's away. I just meant he works offshore and it's been this time home lol X 

Rags's picture

If your DH does not have the balls to defend his relationship with his kids and to beat BM about the head and shoulders with the CO when she encroaches on his visitation time with his kids there isn't much you can do about it.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture



Rags's picture

His behaviors highlight that you are far down the priority list behind his X and their Spawn.

Is that where you want to live your life?