You are here

SD got her drivers license

morrginme's picture
Forums: 

DH says its my car. I tell him its our car. He pays for it and needs to drive it sometimes. Now SD wants to drive it. So far she has driven down the road a few blocks  by herself. Tonight she wanted to drive to another town for a basketball game she wanted to see her friend play in. DH comes to ask me about it. I get confused sometimes on what I disengage from. I've been trying to disengage from everything except preparing meals. When he asked about her driving to another town I said since its part my car too I say no way and thats crazy letting a kid drive that far after dark with such little experience. He went and told her and she freaked out. I stayed in my office. I didnt want to hear it and get mad. I was amazed though he didnt give in. Of course since he gave me the final say in it I'm sure I'm the bad guy. I didnt want to have any say at all but it was my car. Could i have handled it differently.

Harry's picture

If they crash it. How would I get to work ?  Her problems, seeing a basketball, will become my problem if there an accident.  

notarelative's picture

SD wants to drive the car. Of course, she does. She just got her license and wants to drive. Wanting to drive after just getting your license is a normal part of growing up.. But, she has very little experience, and step or bio, she should not be out driving in the dark to the next town. Saying no to new drivers, who want to do things they are not ready for, is part of parental responsibility.

You cloaked your answer in the reality of the situation. That was good. But, going forward, as she gains experience, you and DH are going to have to decide what the rules are for letting her drive, and stick to them. It's a discussion you need to have when SD isn't there.

Having DH adhere to what you both decide, without throwing the blame on you, is what should happen. But, getting DH to do so is going to be the hardest part of all of this.

tog redux's picture

Wait, tell me he did not say, "Let me check with SM," and then come out and say "NOPE, SM says no." ?

If he did, set him straight on how he needs to handle this stuff going forward.  If he wants to make a joint decision, he presents that as a joint decision. "SM and I talked it over and we agree that it's not safe for you to drive under these circumstances".  Or better yet, present it as HIS decision, since he's the parent, "Nope, not safe for you to drive tonight."

morrginme's picture

He basically did. He won't give a straight answer and says he has to talk to me about it. Then he takes how i feel about it for the answer. Although if my answer is negative he sometimes gives her a yes anyway or figures out a different way to make SD happy with the outcome.

susanm's picture

If she just got her license then she is at very high risk for an accident.  There would be no way I would let her drive my car.  Is she even on the insurance policy?  Most companies will require that new drivers either be included and have the rate jacked up to reflect it or have them specifically excluded from coverage and so unable to use the car.  Getting a beater to practice on would probably be most cost effective.  

morrginme's picture

DH says he's pretty sure our insurance covers anyone who drives it. That doesn't make sense to me because why would people talk about their rates going up after adding another driver?

Cover1W's picture

I think he's wrong. You need to disclose to the insurance that there is another new driver in the household. They will put her name and personal info on file in association with the vehicle. Your rates will go up. It's better than them discovering after the fact and losing insurance altogether...and then trying to find insurance that will take you afterwards. 

tog redux's picture

You have to add drivers, in most cases.  A quick visit to their website will clear that up for you.

notarelative's picture

Please do not rely on his pretty sure understanding. Do not let her drive the car until he is absolutely positive (and you have verified it).

The other drive part usually means that you could have your BIL drive your car for a day. Drivers who live in your house usually need to be on the policy or covered by another policy. 

His understanding of the policy coverage will not pay bills if she is involved in an accident.

susanm's picture

He is very wrong.  Lending someone your car once in a while who doesn't live with you is one thing.  Obviously you are not going to add them to your policy for a day.  But someone who lives with you and drives it on a regular basis has to be on the insurance policy.  And if a kid who just got their license does not have their own car and their own policy there is no way the insurance company is going to believe that they are not driving the family car!  The insurance company has a right to increase the rate to cover the highly likely event of a loss.  He will find out the hard way when she has an accident and they deny the claim.  Some of them are pretty hardcore.  My SD managed to have 4 accidents in a year and total 3 cars on DH's policy.  They gave DH the choice of terminating her from his policy or taking his business elsewhere.  Since we have all of our cars, home, and umbrella policies with them we were forced to tell SD she was on her own to find other insurance.  She had to go to a high-risk company and pay through the nose.  I think her mother is paying for it because there is no way she could afford it.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Skids and bios don’t drive adult cars. I never drove my dads and our kids don’t drive ours. They get hand me downs or beater cars for free that need work. But the cars they drive are their own and they are responsible for them. 

Suprisingly, even though we grew up in vastly different cultures, DH and I are on the same page with this. 

However, he is currently putting in the wrench time for BS18’s “new” beater car and I am furious that he’s not making the kid at least help. His argument is that BM had a mechanic fix SS car when it was gifted from a neighbor (DH was owner (police auction crown Victoria), BM drove it for a while, DH drove it again for a bit, sold it to neighbor who finished out 250k miles on it, owner gave it to SS). I argued that SS is never asked to do anything and always has DH and BM there with money to fix his stuff. BS needs to learn to fix this car.

STaround's picture

Why is he paying for the care you drive?  How do you divide things up?

I do agree she needs to be on the insurance. 

Rags's picture

Don’t second guess yourself.  You made a decision with the information available at the time.  All else remaining equal,  you likely wouldn’t make another decision.

I do question your DH’s testicular fortitude in not taking the responsibility for the decision.  The good news is that he stuck to his guns and did not allow himself to be manipulated into changing the plot from the clearly good decision you made.