SD adding my disengaging to her excuses
SD15 asks me if she can go swimming with her friends and I say "ask your dad". He happens to be at work and not answering his phone. I think to myself, "not my problem". Now she's freaking out because she wants to go do something and no one has given her permission. She gets an attitude with me and I tell her I won't be talked to in that tone. Now she's flipping out and crying. She's saying how everyone knows I don't want her here and I won't even parent her (by not giving her permission to do anything but saying it's up to her dad, not giving her rides 3x a day to her next destination but instead leaving it to her dad). I've told her why I won't give her permission for things. If she gets an answer she doesn't want to hear then all hell breaks loose and I'm the one who ends up being blamed for my unfairness and not wanting her to be happy. I'm not parenting her because I believe in consequences for one's actions and I'm the only one in the house who believes it applies to her too. Crazy I know.
So sorry you have to go
So sorry you have to go through that. Start a not bubble bath, put on some candles and soft music. Go pamper yourself. In solidarity.
Why is your SD there when her
Why is your SD there when her father is at work?? She is there to spend time with HIM. There should not be any issue of her asking for your permission to do things.
If you are going to continue to "babysit" your SD, then it needs to be made clear that she stays there, at/in the house. DH is the parent and DH is the only one who can give her permission, Period.Dot.
Tell her to STFU and that you
Tell her to STFU and that you are NOT going to parent her because you are NOT her parent.
Hmmm... if SD wants parenting
Hmmm... if SD wants parenting, give her a chore list. A loooooong chore list. And when she pitches a fit, send her to her room! LOL
Absolutely give her a chore
Absolutely give her a chore list!
Then when she pitches a fit, tell her to go to her Dad.
You are doing very well.
You are doing very well. Continue with your boundaries.
When she pitches a fit, tell her to leave a message for her Dad on his phone. He will call her back. She can learn to make arrangements with her Dad ahead of time for her daily activities.
You are present, therefore, she is going to vent and blame you for everything. Just inform her "you will respect me; you will not talk to me that way". Then walk out of the room calmly and go about your business. If necessary, you might set up a nanny cam, just so she can't undermine you to Dadeeeee....
Well played. Stick to your
Well played. Stick to your guns. Let her figure it out. When she asks... tell her why you are doing what you are doing placing the onus on her where it belongs.
Lather, rinse, repeat.