Is is right to disengage if Skids are adopted and BM is not involved?
DH and I have been married 2 years. I have BS age 12 and he has two DD that are 8 and 6, that he adopted at birth from a kinship foster situation. He was single at the time and they have never had a mother in their lives, though they do know who their birth mothers are, however they have no contact with them. They were 4 and 6 when we started dating ....and they are the Skids from HELL. I have spent a few days reading through these forums and any similar thing you might have also read of unspeakable, unpleasant, unimaginable things they could do to try and destroy me, my efforts to love them, and my relationship with their father they do in excess...times two. They manipulate, lie, whine, weasel their way into any minute of alone time. They disrespect me, treat me as a maid, refuse to mind me, openly call me their "fake mom"...I could go on and on about their antics. But the bottom line is...I am on my 2nd round of disengagement. The first time I tried this my DH became very upset with me. He truly thinks he is backing me up but he is not consistent at all and as hard as he tries to encourage a relationship beteeen these girls and I, the more they resist. Especially the 8 year old. She absolutely loathes me and I cannot stand her. After I first tried disengaging things did get a little better for a while but we are quickly back around to the same thing. I am angry and bitter and all my DH and do is fight all the time about these kids and their behavior and treatment of me, to the point even though I love him I want to leave him because of these kids. So I am back at it again. I do nothing for them. I don't go out of my way for them. I don't even speak to them unless they speak to me. I don't try and enforce house rules anymore... I leave it all to him. Why does it feel so freeing and so wrong at the same time ? Am I doing it wrong ?