Not even married yet and I’m disengaging
I've been with my fiancé for 4 years, engaged for over half of that time. He has SD19, SS17 and SD11 and I have three daughters, two are 23 and 19 and one is 10. We have set a wedding date twice now, the first time was because of a major life change that we postponed it until things calmed down. Second wedding date we were five days away and SS17 was discovered to be taking drugs and was put in an inpatient facility to try and get him help. Cake was ordered, flowers, everything. Fiancé basically left it up to SS that if he wanted to be there we would wait to get married. So he said he wanted to be there and we are still not married. Now this is not the first of the troubles with SS, it started a few years ago with him stealing family vehicles if keys were left out, stealing almost $1000 from his dad. Lying. Fast-forward he now has his license and had a job but that's where he passed out at work from too many pills. When he got in trouble for stealing the vehicles he was living with his dad and we were not yet living together yet. My fiancé came down hard on him for the stealing and lying so he decided he wanted to live with BM. She lives a very different lifestyle and does drugs and does whatever she wants to do. SD19 moved in with us a year ago and SD11 has lived with us the past three years even though custody is split, one week with BM, the next week with dad. When SS17 got out of the facility he started staying with us. So all theee of his kids now live with us and my daughter who is 10 lives with us. About two months ago my fiancé got a new job and started working 2nd shift. I work an 8-5 job so I'm not home during the day. So now I'm home with all three of his kids (that he is still paying support on but we are working on changing that). The problem I'm having is his kids think they run the house the older two run all around and then cry to daddy for gas money. They do not respect anyone else's belongings, most recent examples are my daughter had her school laptop charging with HER charger and either SS OR SD19 unplugged it from her laptop and plugged in their Bluetooth earbuds. And SD19 will not stop coming into our bathroom in our bedroom when I'm at work and using my hair straightener. No boundaries they just don't care. We buy groceries and the two of them devour everything before anyone else can have any. It's just getting really old I just wish they would go live with their BM. I feel horrible for feeling like this. I have disengaged BIG time. SD11 bullies my daughter. She won't leave me alone to have a moments peace. BM gets her every other weekend and sometimes Wednesdays for a couple hours when she doesn't have something better to do. On her weekends she is dropping her off early because she has things to do. Well so do we it's the only time we get alone together and it would be nice to go and do things but we can't because of the kids. I don't want to lose us in the middle of all of the chaos with his kids, there is always something happening and it is exhausting. But especially with him working second shift and me left to deal with it all I feel like I have disengaged from our relationship some too. He talks about us setting another date to get married and I'm in no hurry and not even sure I want this life anymore. I love him and want to enjoy life with him but his kids are making it hard and I barely see my fiancé anymore and it's going to be like this for a while.
I've been reading everyone else's posts and can relate to so many and the distressed feelings. I'm hoping someone has some kind of advice because I am so sad. My motto lately has been if you can't change the situation change your attitude but I'm struggling bad!!