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At a New Place in Disengagment Process

Marianne's picture

It has taken until now to process that I am progressing in disengaging from entitled, narcissist, princess, adult SD. I went through feeling guilty, bewindered, rejected, angry, frustrated...--a load of negative emotion. SD's Christmas communication is what moved me on to fully dinengaging.  DH is fully on board. He is disengaging too. It is still a huge disappointment, but there is nothing we can do to have any kind of relationship with SD. Mentally, I feel differently about her. The obsession is concluded with overwhelming evidence that she is not worth our effort. My new year's goals are about our lives and working on our health and well-being. I start with a Zoom virtual trainer today. I am out of shape and weak. I'm scared and anxious about it, but also making firm plans to be well and pursue a more meaningful life for myself and DH this year. I am in counseling, and trying to clean up my diet and bad habit of snacking at night. Today, I can actively switch the focus from a bad/non-existent relationship with SD to a realistic priority. Now that we sold our property and downsized, there is money for one year to get ourselves put back together after a 15 years of trying and failing to have a healthy relationship with SD. My resolution is "let go and get well."

Winterglow's picture

Congratulations! I wish you all the best in your new life - may it all come easily and go smoothly!

caninelover's picture

Sometimes things don't work out the way we'd like.  Instead of forcing it the best thing is to just accept the reality, and then take care of yourselves.  Best of luck on your journey to wellness!

CLove's picture

Well, that is such great news! This year, my focus will be on letting go of the toxic people and just really putting efforts into ME. Everyone else needs to worry about themselves by themselves.

I am also on a diet and excercise push. Keto is what is recomended to me via my Dad (stepdad that adopted me) who lost over 150 lbs and got off all his medications. Not that it is right for everyone, but that plus intermittent fasting really helped him significantly. I would talk to your doctor about that, and come up with a good plan of action.

whatever you do, it will help immeasurably in dealing with your feelings about SD. What a horrible person she is, but still, thats not your problem anymore. Zoom trainer? That sounds good - training in aerobics or yoga? Ive been considering hiring someone to help motivate me.

I hike every other weekend, weather permitting. Started last year around this time. This time 2022, Things had been miserable, and I had divorce papers filled out. I started hiking and building strength gradually, challenging myself, and as I grew stronger in myself, everything else improved bit by bit.

Congratulations on the start of your journey towards health and happiness!

Marianne's picture

Letting go and focusing on ourselves is the good path in recovery. I'm working with a university virtual coaching program and just started my second week. I love it that one year later you see such improvement. This is hard right now--getting in shape when I'm so out of it. It is reinforcing to hear where you are a year later. It sounds really good.

BobbyDazzler's picture

Disengaging is very freeing. Best of luck with your fitness plans ! 

Marianne's picture

Today is day 9 of working out with my trainer. I feel great!


Tara456's picture

How wonderful that you found a way to navigate through, your DH stood up for you and you remain together, and you have both disengaged.

My OH's SSs destroyed us, but here I am alone now and I did my first little bit of exercise 2 nights ago and started the 5:2 diet yesterday with a great and tasty book of recipes to follow, having a delicious Iranian curry last night.

The roller came out and I will be doing training to YouTube sessions too in my living room, and when the snow passes (it's due tonight!) I'll get my static bike back out and will be on that.

I feel hopelessly out of shape, and comfort ate when I left. So I'm very out of shape *for me* but recognise relatively I'm in an ok shape physically. Mentally I need to heal much more but I think this healthy eating and exercise will help on that too.

Like @CLove I'll be hiking, building up slowly though as all the hikers round her are like supermen/women.