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Mealtimes?

MumOfCats's picture

Submitted by MumOfCats on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 11:25am

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Disengaging

How do other disengaged Steps handle mealtimes?I'll happily sit in the dining room with DH when it's just he and I, but I'm not on board with sitting at the same table as Skid at the moment. For starters, she has a bottom lip that could set off a tripwire when the conversation isn't focussed on her, when she does speak her whingey whiny singsong voice drives me insane. I'd rather eat on the roof. 

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 12:18pm

But completely so from SS10.  I can sit at the table with SD15, DD14, and DH quite happily without really even noticing that SS is there.  

BUT disengaging is your tool to use as you see fit.  If sitting at the table with her is an issue for you, then don't do it.  Eat before or after, or make plans for nights she's there.

SteppingOut_2020's picture

Submitted by SteppingOut_2020 on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 1:09pm

I had stopped going out to restaurants or eating voluntarily with the exSS beause of how embarrasing he acted despite being nearly 16 years old.  It made me cringe that he had no table manners and I certainly didnt want other people at the restaurants or servers thinking he was mine!

When at home, if they sat down to eat first I would either choose to eat in the living room or another table (make up an excuse if you have to - there is a show on I want to watch, I need to sit here because..., etc.) or if I was already seated and they sat down after me, I would quickly finish my meal and get up and leave.  Hopefully they dont live with you full time?  that you can easily have your uninterrupted meal times with DH and only make yourself scarce when they are around.

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 1:41pm

DH and I have had many conversations about going to resturants.  SS10 is an embarassment, too.  He doesn't sit properly in the chair, he has to sit far away from SD and DD, etc.  No table manners, no please, no thank you.  We stopped going when skids are around.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 6:33pm

Get a sitter and leave him at home while you and the rest of the family enjoy yourselves.  DH needs to know he either fixes this kid or he experiences having to participate in his family sans the 10yo.  The toxic Skid does not participate until he earns it with extended stellar behavior.  Once he has earned trust, then he gets trust.

Not until then.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 7:08pm

DH (and I) are annoyed that ANYTIME we go out he has to tell his 10 year old. Use a fork. Don't eat with your hands. Get your feet out of the chair. Use a napkin. *eyeroll* it's endless! I mean come on, these are the basics. We don't go out with SD10 as much since it makes it harder for us to enjoy ourselves. Idk about you, but SD10 just back talks and acts soooooo misrable when we ask her to use a utinsil. We honestly go out more when SD is at her mom's and it's our "off week."

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Wed, 05/13/2020 - 9:00am

Sd9 is not capable of going to a restaurant so we do not take her anywhere when she is here. I act as drill Sargent and have her set the table, get the drinks and make her own plate. When I came on the scene she hadn't eaten food before, both parents had fed her milk all her life and she was 7 at the time. So I made a house rule that at meal times she has to have a fruit, vegetable, protein and grain on her plate which she is to put together herself while I fix my dinner. I also have her trained to take all the plates to the table. I am disengaged except for the enforcement of house rules for her and dh since they were raised faral. 

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Thu, 05/14/2020 - 9:53am

Luckily I don't have to worry and I sit at the dining room table SD12 will only sit at the bar...alone...for attention as she has to be different. I'm thankful.

SD17 does sit at the table but she sits hunch backed with her phone in one hand and a fork in the other with her face in the plate/phone never once looking up. 
 

i stopped going out to eat with skids about a year ago when SD12 refused to eat because she didn't get to pick the restaurant haha 

ThatOneMom's picture

Submitted by ThatOneMom on Wed, 06/10/2020 - 5:47pm

My step daughter has really bad allergies and she's bad about not covering her mouth when she sneezes. She makes an effort to sneeze into her elbow but her mouth isn't anywhere near her elbow so the spray still goes everywhere. She sneezes on other people and people's food all the time, it's absolutely fucking disgusting.

So one time, we were at the dinner table and she sneezed all over everyone's food We all made a face but my husband kept on eating.

I said, "That's disgusting. I know you say that you try to cover your mouth but obviously, your sneeze spray is going everywhere. I don't know how anyone can ever be okay with their food being sneezed on. I'm going to make myself a new plate and eat in the breakfast room."

And I did just that!