Knowing When To Call It Quits
I have tried. I really have. Therapists, couples counseling (in the beginning), medications, meditation, support groups (thank God for steptalk ), and even disengagement (both partial and total). But whatever I try, it’s never enough and somehow I end up coming out as the bad guy. The total lack of support and understanding from my DW is something I cannot bear because having been married once, and not having that was something that made me into someone I did not recognize. I cannot and will not go down that road again. I am a better person than that and I deserve more.
While I am still open to see if couples counseling can salvage anything from this marriage, I am only met with resistance. That tells me just about all I need to know. She is willing to throw away whatever we had in an attempt to keep her disfunctional family happy. We are not responsible for our adult children’s happiness. My regret is not listening to my gut and heading the warning signs earlier. She is not ready to be married and probably never will be. Her children clearly do not care about her happiness because early on one of her sons said he “has never seen her so happy and you (me) are the reason for that.” Oh how things change when the NPD 30SS starts to exert his will and opinions on everyone.
I just never thought it would spill over into how my DW viewed me. But now that is gone too and I am to blame for all of this. WTF? Not my disfunctional family that worked so hard to come between us. I’m the one making all the sacrifices and trying to come to a workable solution. I’m the one looking to try to salvage whatever is left of the marriage. I have given all I can, and still it’s not enough, and it never will be.
A brief 10 months of marriage, and only 6 weeks before all this sh!t storm started raining down on me. I will not sacrifice my mental health or long term happiness for this disfunctional group any longer. If the DW does not feel the need to seek outside help, she can seek other living arrangements. For all I care she can move in with her mini-husband since she cares so much about his happiness.
I am so done with all this right now and while I regret wasting so much time and effort on this, I can at least take solace in the fact that I did everything I possibly could to try to recover from the damage they inflicted on our marriage. But in the end a marriage is a true partnership in every sense of the word. When one partner is not committed to the partnership anymore, it is over. They should have a chance to make corrections if they are able to see that they are not living up to their commitment. But if they cannot see that, there really is no hope and no reason to continue.
Count me in the group of those that tried disengagement and in the end, the marriage did not last because it cannot be all about one person. Oh well...