KARMA

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I am still smiling! I had to post this here for encouragement for others here.

Making a long story short, thru my previous posts; SD's birthday was this past Saturday. I have ALL birthdays written on our day planner, which lays open on the counter, next to our telephone.

SD and SIL made a stop-by visit Saturday (sd's birthday), from the neighboring State. They were in town to visit SGD and family. They popped in to visit DH; they don't come to visit me for sure, I am disengaged. They visited for about an hour and it dawned on me, "it is SD's birthday today". I said nothing. I wanted to see if it was mentioned and DH remembered.

After approximately a two hour visit, they departed. Nothing was mentioned and DH had forgotten (still has remembered). For 30+ years I made sure DH never forgot birthdays, I always made sure there were gifts, etc. After the past 8 years of my disengagement (4 years totally disengaged), I have turned it all over to DH for his family, therefore, nothing has changed for 8 years.

I just had to mention KARMA. Now it is obvious I had nothing to do with DH forgetting. Their life time drama has come home to roost.

Still smiling!

Such an uplifting story.

Such an uplifting story. Thanks for sharing. I have a smile on my face. I love it. Oh this is karma alright.

KARMA is good...

Yeah Sammi,

It is Karma time for certain. Funny, you sent your message with no letter, no words, nothing rude. YOU are not the problem and you never were---just like most of us here, we were the easy blame for other's faults and weakneses. You have held up like a lady with dignity and grace, regardless of what was tossed in your direction.

God works in mysterious ways....so does Karma....

Oh, but it's still your fault

Oh, but it's still your fault for not reminding him! Of course, that would be what she is thinking. You are there for one reason - to support your DH in paying him homage to his original family.

That had to have been awesome sitting there recognizing that. It told her that not only did her dad not remember her birthday on his own, but you are not one of her subjects fawning all over her.

Sweet!!!

Sammi, like you, I was always the one reminding DH of the skids' birthdays. DH barely remembers what day of the week it is, much less the date. I stopped doing it. Why should I? None of the skids ever bothered to visit or call or text DH on HIS birthday OR on Father's Day. Although SD21 made a YUGE deal of Father's Day on fakebook 2 years ago. DH was on FB maybe once every 3-4 months and SD knew that. It was all to make SD look like a loving daughter instead of a moneygrubbing mini BioHo.

DH didn't remember the SDs' or PigPen's birthdays. The SDs probably didn't care because DH never gives them gifts (MONEY). In fact, PigPen had to remind DH that it was PP's birthday. DH only remembered SS18's birthday because BioHo made a fuss about how DH MUST send SS18 a card because it was his first birthday away from home.

Aniki: I found as long as I

Aniki: I found as long as I reminded DH of every little event, birthday, etc., he received the thanks for all the arrangements, dinners, gifts, etc. I was totally ignored for years; my fault for letting it continue.

I just don't do any of it and have not in the past 8 years. I'm now the full time care taker of DH, because his health is bad. I am busy enough, without entertaining these self centered people, even for a short visit. They are on their own.

I find it comforting how my silence/absence has made my disengagement work for me.

Sammigirl here's to another 8

Sammigirl here's to another 8 years of not reminding H about any birthdays or special events. You have been doing great being disengaged and cheers to continuing to maintain your peace of mind.

SS33 and BM's birthdays are

SS33 and BM's birthdays are two days apart. Since I have known DH he has never been able to remember which day is SS's birthday (he doesn't care about BM's) . After a decade I now know that SS's birthday is first. But I have zero obligation to let DH in on the "real date".

SS does not exist in my world so he's just as irrelevant as someone living 5000 miles away on another continent. But the world would be a better place if he'd never been born.

Skids birthday is the 5th and

Skids birthday is the 5th and my brides is the 24th of the same month. I am forever thinking his is the 4th and hers is the 25th. Even when I make it a point not to screw it up... I screw it up.

I believe my satisfaction

I believe my satisfaction here is; my disengagement has rubbed off on DH. Always, SD57 and SGD34 had to have a little girl birthday party, when their birthdays came around. They had to have the cake, ice cream, gifts, big dinner, and of course it was carried out for at least a week.

Now SD is on her own for a party. I'm sure her DD (SGD34) had dinner for her and a cake, but all the other family members, including OSS, YSS, and DH have moved on. These two women think they are still DH's little girls and want their birthday parties.

Finally the attention seeker was ignored. We all know here that birthdays come and go; I've worked many of my birthdays and never expected to be recognized, like it was a National holiday. All I ask, for my birthday, is not to have to fix DH dinner. I take the day off, just like I do at least one day a week on a regular basis.

I posted, because I wanted all of you here, working on your disengagement, to know that there is moments of success.

Thank you Sammiegirl

I always appreciate your posts, and really love this one. It gives me so much encouragement that however it goes with my SS, the things I can do are taking care of me & my DH. I very much love both SS and my DH, and they love me. But recognizing the roles, actions, and reactions is so powerful. Also that your own disengaging lead to DH understanding. My DH understands but is also a terrified Guilty Daddee because he was unable to save SS from narcissistic, raging, cheating, lying (but drug & alcohol free), PASing BM. Hard for him to correct SS as needed due to the fear of losing him. Which keeps DH in SS's triangulated, divide & conquer instincts BM taught.

Knowing there's hope is so powerful. Thank you again Sammiegirl.