It’s time
I just have to let it go.....I have 2 teenage Skids and two bio kids. When we are all together at our house it's fine for the most part but when they are with bio mom they are completely different kids.... failing grades, hardly ever go to school (she doesn't feel like taking them and due to the pandemic they didn't do truancy or allow kids to fail this year), they have no rules there and no consequences if they do something and get caught(happened a couple times). I guess I just care and worry too much about them. I'm a teacher and see what happens when kids are given too much freedom. They have always been close with their dad and he is absolutely amazing but now the SS is barely coming over or talking and has turned off his location sharing after dad caught him in a lie the other night (when he was supposed to be here but claimed he was at work). Dad called bio mom and called him out and mom told him to go home- not to our house. So now we have no way of knowing where he is. Mom bought the phones and the vehicles so we can't take those away so as frustrated as I am I have to let it go and only be stepmom when they are physically in my house. It's hard. I love them and we try to treat all the kids fairly but they are just going down a bad road and I'm going to just have to let DH and bio mom deal with it. Just needed to vent.
I thought your SS was 16. Why
I thought your SS was 16. Why do you need to know where he is all the time? (Not being snarky, just asking.)
Because he is 16.... doesn't
Because he is 16.... doesn't have his license yet and is supposed to be with us and his mom is working out of town so yea, we like knowing where he is especially when he's lying about it. We caught him in another county the other day when he was supposed to be "working"- the reason he couldn't stay at our house that night. When he proves he can tell the truth I'd be ok with trusting him and not monitoring him but he's done nothing but lie for a year to us over things.
Yes, there is nothing you can
Yes, there is nothing you can do about this, nor about the bad road they will end up on. BM in our situation was the same, and SS stopped coming over or speaking at all to DH at age 15. He subsequently barely passed high school despite all kind of supports and has just been fired from his very first job at age 21. He still lives with BM and likely will until he's 30 - though he does at least talk to DH.
I'd advise you step back and stop being a parent at all, even in your own home, let DH handle it. At this point, you will both become the evil meanies for having rules and structure.
Oh yes, we are so mean and
Oh yes, we are so mean and uncool becusee we have rules and structure. My son 13 has been warned to not make same choices and rules are different for him becusee I am his mom.
I agree in just letting it go
I agree in just letting it go. You are not responsible for the adult SS becomes. If his father wants to do something more that's his choice.
The only time anything you say or do will matter is if SS comes running for help or because he wants something. Then it's your decision if you do that or not.
I agree... as of today it's
I agree... as of today it's been over 2 weeks since SS has shown up and little contact with DH. SD came last night (supposed to be here Sunday but mom sabotaged that like she does every week) and mom is requesting she comes back Wednesday morning (so much for 50/50). Anyway I am done worrying and have decided to only be concerned if they are actually in my presence. It is obvious DH is not going to fight his ex because she will just make sure the kids never come or want to come. We are going to focus on raising my kids the way they need to be raised and hope for the best for my skids.