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Ignoring the Obvious

2Tired4Drama's picture
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Now comes the time of year when SD and her "Look At Me Everyone" (LAME) antics infiltrate our home.  She has no contact or concern for her father for most of the year, but come Christmas she is all of a sudden the picture-perfect loving daughter. Blech. 

A package arrives yesterday addressed to my SO. Inside are not one, not two, but SIX home-made crafty items "made" by the 2 gskids, ages 1 and 2.  Essentially paint smeared, crappy fingerprinted things which SD thinks are cute simply because SHE and her kids made them together. 

But.

It is my SO's grandkids so of course he wants to display these items along with our other holiday decorations in the living room, where  I now have to look at them for the next month. Well, thankfully I have disengagement muscles and will just ignore them. 

Not a hill worth fighting over/sledding down. Sigh. 

caninelover's picture

Tried a couple of times to buy 'decorations' for my house.  One 'reminded her if her childhood'.  Those were a flat no from me.  

SO does have one photo of each of his kids in the living room.  And one in the bedroom.  The rest are in his office or in photo albums.

At least this stuff will just be up a month and that's it so flex those disengagement muscles.  But I know what you mean about getting annoyed having to look at it.

 

Ki2619's picture

Showing up for the gifts and attention.  Don't you just love being disengaged this time of year.  I've bought gifts for my 18-year-old son and I'm finished.  DH is on his own for his kids.  

AgedOut's picture

I'll be the odd one out. I've got macaroni necklaces, glitter glues playdough things (not sure what), handprint art work, and all sorts of other creations my granddaughter made when she was little. A few come out every year because she's my grandkiddo and I love her. No matter who her parents are and how I feel about them (love them both too but you get my point). 

Let him take the gifting reins but understand why these pieces of what you think is crap are beautiful in his eyes because .... grandkiddos. 

tog redux's picture

I think what she objects to is that he only gets this stuff at Christmas, yet is supposed to find it meaningful, instead of what it is - manipulation by SD to get Christmas gifts.  If the grandkid REALLY made it especially for him (rather than mom saying "c'mon kids, make something for grandpa, it's Christmas"), then it might be different.   I can certainly see how stuff that a grandkid made out of love is valuable. 

Tried out's picture

are ages 1 and 2 and so not yet aware of the concept of gift-giving.

tog redux's picture

LAME, love it.

So glad my SS is not a Greedy Grabber and that DH wouldn't allow it if he was. 

Lifer33's picture

Deffo ignore it

It'll get worse as they get older I hate to say! Schools etc don't help with modern parent vanity. My lasses school just tried to sell my anything from a card to an apron from £6 to £30 'perfect for grandparents gifts'. The 6yr old had stuck a finger print in brown paint n drawn some antlers on it (eye roll) its no Picasso but we are all forced to buy at least the cheapest pack of 12 cards, eye roll again 

 

We do that at home for free, and would add it to anither  lovely gift for dh parents 

2Tired4Drama's picture

What annoys me the most is the superficiality of it all.  SD never calls, rarely texts w/photos of the gskids, but By Golly, By Gee ... she sure knows how to strategically time her actions to give the appearance that she is a loving, doting daughter. 

There was a small gift along with the kids home-made items, and it is obviously a booklet of some sort.  How much does anyone want to wager that it is a photo book filled with a years worth of her, her DH and the gskids doing myriad Instagram-worthy happy activities... all of which my SO was not involved in. 

Rags's picture

LAME!  A new classic. Thank you so much for that.

IMHO the standards must be enforced regardless of if a Skid is in the house full time, regularly, infrequently, or never.  When she goes LAME, smack her on the nose with a rolled up copy of the standards and keep doing it as long as she violates the standards.

KIS.

Kids who disengage from the normal and usual visitation or visists as adults should get little to nothing when they come LAMEing back during the holidays.  Nope, you sow what you reap.  Regardless of the time of the year.  The past does matter.  They should not be allowed to be little dickwads all year then get the pile of gifts and hog attention during the holidays.

Time for the lump of coal approach I think.  Withhold attention, shut town the LAME-ness and make the gifts fit the year's behavior.  While assertively communicating what is happening and why.  Maybe she will learn. Probably not, but that choice is hers.

2Tired4Drama's picture

LAME.  Say you heard it here first from 2Tired ha ha!  But it certainly applies to so many nowadays, doesn't it?  LOOK AT ME EVERYONE!!  

Thankfully being disengaged means I now consciously avoid getting involved in gift efforts.  While I will provide input if my SO picks out something for gskids and asks my opinion, simply because they are little and I don't want him sending something that is not safe or age-appropriate, I have drawn a firm line and will never send or be involved in anything for SD nor her DH. 

My SO sends a check and I can only imagine the amount. He mentioned once he send SIL $250 for his birthday so multiply that for the entire family of four for Christmas and I imagine it is a good chunk of change.  Not my business, though since it's not my money.