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I’m ready to walk away from my 1 year marriage

RLZ0073's picture

My husband has 2 girls. The younger one has been telling a lie about me every weekend she’s here even when I’m completely disengaged from her.

Even though it’s an obvious pattern, my husband believes her. This girl binge eats and leaves used food containers in her drawers that I have ended up having to clean up. Both girls also leave used maxi pads in the house. But enough about that.

Last time, she stole my ice cream (I use special ice cream as I cannot eat sugar), snuck it upstairs, ate it, bragged to her sister that she stole it from me. My husband texted them (as we didn’t notice it was gone until after they were here) and asked if someone took it. She initially said no, then admitted to it. (I saw her sneaking out something (apparently the empty container) to the outdoor garbage can at the end of their time here, but since I do not engage with her, I ignored it.). My husband said she needed to apologize... she never has.  a. She could’ve asked (she’s a binge eater and there’s plenty of other crap she could and did eat) or b. Just apologize!

Today, he noticed that many of our beer glasses were missing. I said ask the girls maybe they took em upstairs. The younger one again said she took them, and he proceeded to tell her to bring them down. Many times he texted and went to her room and told her to bring them down. Then she also avoided coming down for dinner. He finally went up there and asked wth was going on... apparently she took a bunch of those glasses to her mom’s house (some of those are mine from marathons and races I completed) as well as the expensive electric toothbrush he got them for Christmas... she even took a beanbag that custom matched her curtains in her room here to her mom’s house.

so what did she have to say? She said that she took them to her mom’s house because she said I would get mad if she brought them downstairs and put them in the dishwasher... like that makes sense. I’d be gosh damn thrilled if I didn’t have to clean the dirty food containers and wrappers in her room! So again... more lies... but the husband sort of believed her shit.

so when he should come down on her, he says I need to go and have a conversation with her... so even though I told him no as she’s clearly a thief and liar and I do not have to do the work on this... I went up there. I knocked on her door and also turned on my voice recorder (smart).. she wouldn’t say a word nor would she open the door. So I told her like it is through the door... 1. She’s trying to drive this family as well as her dad and I apart and that’s not going to happen. I’m here to stay. 2. The lying and theft has to stop. 3. We want our stuff back. 4. I will not tolerate her lying about me.

I tried to ignore this bull crap and his believing her lies and him thinking I have to have a conversation with this twerp but it took me to my breaking point.



Liz hill's picture

Don't let these evil bitches destroy your marriage. I so hear you. Been there too. Its exactly what they want. I'd leave everything in their rooms, and when hubby finally can't find a glass to use point him in the direction of their room. Give him a rubbish bag the day before rubbish day and say ohh your daughters pads need picking up!!! Make him do it hopefully it'll make him get his shit together. One good thing they're not there full time but it's a long journey. After 3 months of living with my demon sd I too got to the point of its her or me couldn't live with her.

Do nothing for them no cleaning of rooms Nothing they will get sick of the stink... 

Liz hill's picture

Just remembered your bit about lies. If possible don't be alone with them tell hubby if this doesn't stop they can't be in your house unless he's there as you can't trust what they will say about you on your own home. Protect yourself. It shouldn't have to be like this. (I'm currently dealing with demon adult sd telling my teenage dd lies about me and how I supposely treated her when she was younger. Hubby had to sit down and tell dd its all bullshit. Protect yourself, take control set FIRM BOUNDARIES. GET HUBBY I. YOUR SIDE OTHERWISE TELL HIM YOUR OUT OF THERE IF SOMETHING DOESN'T CHANGE. you don't deserve this

sparky45456's picture

  I have been married for just over a year. I have 2 steps .. 12 and 13 boys

I want to first state, I do not blame the children for my unhappiness but my husband for NOT acting.

My husband is a PERMISSIVE parent and I want to scream at him. He is SOOOO NON REACTIVE.

He is a people pleaser and I am sure has guilt from not seeing his children. 

We get along beautifully when they are not here. When they arrive, it's like my role is diminished and they become his wife.

He does whatever to see that thy are happy. If the CAOS is affecting my complex PTSD, he doesn't consider this.

If I feel a stranger in my own home bc my life is disturbed from no structure or feeling safe, it doesn't matter.

These children can be AT TIMES... entitled, spoiled, ungrateful and feel that they are the adults. This leaves me feeling out of control, powerless and thus triggers my PTSD from childhood trauma.

My husband hasn't educated himself on my issues and seems far from concerned about how this CRAZY is affecting me so long as he gets his children.

They have no chores, stucture in the full time home with mom. They laugh about the fact that she doen't make them mind.

I am at a loss as a mother myself. I did not parent my child like this and so I really feel like I have landed on the Moon.

I have talked to my husband until screaming matches occur, silence for days to no solution.

I have tried different things to suggest to him that non reaction isn't helping the boys develop into young men, which is the core resentment for me.

It is hard to watch as a mother.

He is childlike, passive, permissive ect ect in his everyday life and parenting is no diff.

When I have to live under the same roof with the manipulating of dad, the fits, the no rules, no structure, caos and crazy - I just can't relax or feel I have a place here.



RLZ0073's picture

Your home sounds like mine... we are as happy as 2 pigs in mud when they’re not here... then they destroy every shred of happiness when they are. He actually punished her and has kept her cellphone for the whole 3 day holiday weekend. 

She again avoided dinner with the family (even though he clearly calls out dinner is ready and calls her by name.) She then comes down later and asks in a fake tone of innocence... ‘when’s dinner?’ 

I told him that if she avoids dinner with us... she has to make leftover from the fridge. She’s 13 and being a total twerp (the only non-offensive word I can think of for this liar and thief and ‘funsucker’ as her BM calls her) 

It’s 2:39 am here and she just snuck down for another meal of junk food that she’ll leave the wrappers in her room... I’m going to suggest a lock at night so it prevents most of the wrappers... and teaches her a GD lesson.

My bio daughter is 22 and I sure as hell didn’t raise her like this... 

I can’t pray hard enough that I get put in a coma and don’t wake up until the youngest one is at community college. (We are (unfortunately) moving to his hometown in another state (from TX to AZ) as soon as she graduates high school.)

They can come visit every once and again... but it will be time to act like an adult and they will not be living in my house.

RLZ0073's picture

even though I do pay my fair share of the bills, mortgage, etc... this has never felt like this is our house and it makes me miss my house when I was a single woman, badly...

Liz hill's picture

Maybe tell them when they are called for dinner they have a choice eat with you or starve!!! Throw out their dinner if they don't eat with you. Buy a padlock for the pantry too. It sounds mean but if they don't come down don't cook for them the next night. Leave a note with some bread as you didn't want to eat dinner that I made especially for you I didn't think you'd mind making yourself toast. (lick the cupboard so they can't graze) Stopped cooking for sd son when he couldn't be bothered to txt that he wasn't here for dinner. He soon learnt I wasn't his doormat and to get his own dinner

Rags's picture

You and DH should have frog marched her to the car, driven to BM's house, and had her go in to collect everthing that should have not left your house.

Going forward... she should have to stand a full body and bag check prior to leaving to go back to BM's to ensure that she isn't stealing.  Any time she has anything in her hands, she should have to show  you or DH.  She should also be subject to random on demand body checks (frisking) when she is in your home.  

Since she chooses to be a thief and liar, she should have to live as a thief and liar and be treated as a thief and liar.

No quater, zero breaks. She is under the hairy eyeball every second.  And... take he door off of her room, empty the room of all furniture that will allow her to hide anything.  Turn up the pain.

CLove's picture

Try to record her when you can, do not be alone in the room when she is there.

As to your stuff, put some pressure on to get it back. If you let it go, it will continue, without repercussions the stealing and lies will continue and grow. If you read my blogs you will SEE, the future...

My SD, she was caught stealing from JC Pennys before she turned 18. No repercussions. DAddy paid the fines. She was recently caught stealing her mothers checks, and using an account DH had started for her, to cash them. Still no repercussions, DH was able to close the accounts and we believe that Toxic Troll covered them for her with the bank.

Talk about lies! Toxic Feral Forger cant tell the truth to save her own life, at the age of 20. So it gets worse over time. At first it was just me that she would lie about. She would make up things that I said and tell them to her mother, Toxic Troll, who would then text DH all kinds of nasty things, with much name calling and guilt tripping. How could he be with someone so horrible as I was apparently. How they made a deal to protect their children from horrible new persons (forget about Toxic Troll's ex boyfriend Tweedle whow would get drunk and pee on the door, their fights and name-calling.).

Now Feral Forger is accusing DH of abusing her, abusing munchkin sd13. She making things up about other family members as well.

So - nip this crap in the bud HARD, or walk away. It doesnt get better, it gets worse. I think that Ive been on this board 3 plus years, so my blogs are a diary record of progression.

Spiralingstepdad's picture

I have 2 teen step daughters, my wife doesn’t agree with my parenting style, so when I discipline the children she undermines me in front of them leading to them disrespecting us both, but I can’t get her to see that. SD 17 has been lying about where she goes and what she does, I caught her, issued agreed upon consequences of taking her keys and phone but wife is angry with me because that inconvenienced her. I’m tired of being disrespected and I’m about to walk away. Only thing keeping me here is that I am sole provider for right now and I don’t want them to lose everything and end up on the street. I love them but I’m so tired of it.