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Husband & I have to disengage to toxic teens from states away

StepmomWhoIsTiredAF86's picture

So, hey everyone! I am new here. I don't know where to start. But disengaging with 2nd and 3rd eldest teenage skids has to happen. Let's start from the beginning. When my husband and I started dating, we came to the decision that we will wait 6 to 9 months before we introduced the kids to each other. And everything was going great for a couple of years. With the kids anyways. There's always been boundary issues with the BM... when we first got together she would treat him like an ATM ask him for cigarette&  gas money, food money on top of the $125 a week she was getting in child support. she hasn't worked until recently when we moved out of state and she was forced to become an adult. She lives in section 8 housing, she gets about $800 a month in food stamps that she sells some of at that time. The kids would come over every weekend, dirty, and she would bring like six bags of clothes in garbage bags and ask us to do all their laundry and we did it for a while until we said we're not your laundromat like seriously get it together. And then we battled lice for years and when I say for years I mean it was literally like three years we dealt with non-stop super lice. It's because she wouldn't do her part by properly cleaning all of the kids his clothes the room the cars the furniture everything and I always kept coming back and she let the kids hang out with the same kids they always gave them lice. Not to mention my husband and I had to pay over $2000 at least for three girls who have long hair and lice treatment. That wasn't cheap. We would spend our whole weekends going through heads. It was torture. They live in public housing still to this day,  in a dirty bug infested apartment. and it was a really bad influence on them. TheBM started cosmetology school right before we moved and she would go to school and work and we would take the kids a lot because she was gone about 18 hours a day. My husband's job transferred in 2019 and we moved to New Mexico from Indiana. And that's when everything blew up. My husband went above and beyond for the kids. My husband struggled at times there was times his child support was so high he could barely afford to pay rent and feed himself but he did it and he lived in a trailer that had no heat no running water because he was that low in his life. When we met that's when things started looking up. He really what is dug into the ground by her. Now the kids are in allowed to come out here, my husband did report to the child support office that we moved had new job offers all that good jazz. We told the mother and the kids a year in advance that we are moving out of state and we need to make visitation plans and she agreed with it but now it's a big issue because she doesn't want the kids to come here. And the kids don't want to come here she brainwashes them and tell them that her dad is a piece of shit, he loves his wife over you all the bs drama.. my husband has Joint custody … And on the day his auntie died a few weeks ago,  She served him court papers not for visitation,  but for an increase in child support. All she cares about is money. She talks grown folks business with the oldest kids and in front of the youngest too. Every time my husband has a FaceTime call or wants to talk to the kids she interrupts she'll jump on and think it's a good time to talk adult business in front of the children. She has had his Google number and his Google email for over 10 years. Because it's in the custody agreement that they have to have an open line of communication. And she got butt hurt when he blocked her on Facebook. My husband doesn't need to have you on Facebook if you need to speak with him about the kids you can text/call him on the Google number or shoot him an email. Like it's not that hard. He keeps that Google number for a reason because he doesn't want to give her his real phone number because of how crazy she is. And she screams and yells and it's ridiculous.  But she'll use the kids and their social media's (that in my humble opinion they shouldn't have anyways because she doesn't monitor them on the Internet at all ) and pretend that she's them… and basically she has SD15 Watch and raise all the kids. Meanwhile their father is being denied visitation. And then when we moved out here the first year, she decided to violate the court order and claim all four kids on taxes when it clearly states that they both get to claim two each. So we did a little flip a Roo this year & Got our portion of taxes back from the prior year that we didn't receive and claimed all 4 kids… We needed our tax money last year and she stole it all. All that stimulus money and she's broke and can't pay for $150 for a drivers Ed class? Because we are the ones that got asked for the money… at the time that child support was initiated, my husband actually set up his ex is child support card, one day we logged in to see what she was buying and she was spending it on collect calls to her boyfriend in jail and cigarettes it never went to the kids and the oldest daughter told me I love her boyfriend in jail he's better than dad you guys are pieces of shit and she talks to us and customers out on text message by when she's in our face it's totally different story. BM lets them run the house. The oldest drives her car with no license, smoke/cigarettes, got arrested for weed and never told us anything. She never told us anything that happened in the entire year and the oldest girl is having sex and doing drugs and running the streets and it'll be a matter of time before we have a grandbaby I can feel it in my bones. And there's nothing we can do about it... The filthy vile things that came out of her mouth and the way she talk to us over text message is unreal she is the most disrespectful brat and all of the other kids follow her lead. We are stuck.  we go to court on 7-13-21 it's probably gonna be a messy court battle because my husband counter took her back to court for visitation Modification. My husband wasn't behind on child support except for like a few months during Covid when he got laid off like most of the world..She threw a conniption fit when the child support stopped. She would call and where is my money she literally depending on that money for her $28 rent bill &utilities ...we don't know what to do anymore but disengage. My husband and I don't know what to do. She has expressed feelings of wanting to move here and the next minute she hates her mom and then she flips again,  and cusses at us via text and says she hates us and she's gonna disown us.. it's bad. They have held this move against us for the last two years we offered to pay for their flights there and back with a return ticket and her mom still said no being spiteful. So my husband and I are just disengaging we literally are stuck and have nowhere to go with these 4 kids...BM is absolutely insane & toxic…All I know is that my 2nd to oldest SD15 needs therapy, drug abuse counseling, her family counseling and medication. But the mom refuses any medication for therapy. I have screenshots where Sd15 was asking ask mom have you scheduled my appointment yet I need to go to therapy. There's no excuse when there is a Tele doctors and online therapy that takes Medicaid there is absolutely no excuse for them not to be able to have therapy. And she took our SS10 out of Therapy he has OCD and ADHD and has zero medication or any therapy. She said she took him out because he was doing good. I'm like that's insane you don't take them out when they're doing good like seriously? It's just a big argument all the time. No second oldest daughter sounds just like her mom. My husbands other two kids are raised by a different woman and you can tell. They don't disrespect us they are in our lives they were raised with good morals and how to treat adults. That is becoming less and less nowadays. I feel so good to be able to come here in event because I feel like I have no one to turn to and it no other parents go through this… All I can say is I guess we have to take her to court. Any advice? Thanks have a great day everyone

Rags's picture

White space please. The massive block of text approach will significantly reduce your potential readership.