How Would it work?
I'm new here, looking for understanding...
I've been with my DH for 10 years. As he split up from his ex, and in our early days, it turned out she was pregnant. It wasn't an issue to begin with, we got married, he used to see his daughter, but I was never included in the contact. This went on until SD was 4 and BM allowed her to come over for a weekend. This was the first time I met the SD. The weekend went really welll. Thereafter BM started being difficult about any contact, cut herself off and stopped responding to any communication from DH. Two years later DH took BM to court to establish regular contact. BM went crazy, didn't engage with the court. She was found guilty of parental alienation and after 2 years in court the SD was moved from mother's custody into ours.
So the SD moved in with us at 8 yo, at the time we had a nearly 2yo and I was halfway pregnant with our second child. I had never imagined that I could react in such a negative way to a child. From the moment I saw her I felt this wouldn't work and my gut feeling didn't fail me. Much as I felt sorry for the little girl and all she'd been through I couldn't get to like one bit. She's now lived with us for nearly 1.5years and things went from indifferent to bad to worse. I have developed a really strong dislike of her. She's now 9.5yo, awkward age, I know, but she's lazy, unhelpful, talking to her is like banging your head against a brick wall, nothing gets through. If she doesn't like something she'll put up a big drama with tears and snot running down her nose. I have also witnessed naughty behaviours towards my little ones which left me completely distrustful. I got to the point where I'm not very nice to her and actually consider leaving as the current situation is destroying me mentally and emotionally.
The family isn't functioning as we should be, I am miserable, shouty and she just aggregates those feelings in me. I thought about disengagement but how would it work? My DH works away a week every other week and I am the only adult with no one I can rely on.
Also has anyone got any success in improving/creating a relationship with Skids through counselling?