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Hard to hold it in sometimes.

2Tired4Drama's picture
Forums: 

I've posted a couple of times about SD and her hubby's (SIL) recent visit.  This is purely a vent post since there really isn't anyone I can mention this to.

SD and SIL stayed in my SO's beautiful nearby vacation home for free (which he stocked with food) and he also took them out to restaurants for several nice dinners as well as an expensive activity.  He was glad to do it all since he has not seen SD in a year and it was a way to spend time with them.  I, thankfully, was able to disengage easily and chose to go to two dinners just to placate my SO.  

When SD and SIL left, they left all the laundry and cleaning for my SO to do at his vacay home which he did.  Spent most of his day off doing it.  

Here's what's eating at me today.  I just noticed on a social media site that SD and SIL hosted a big surprise birthday dinner for SIL's father at a restaurant four days after they had been here.   Had arranged a private dining room, nice meal, decorations, and invited LOTS of family and friends, according to the post.   

SIL and his entire family (including SIL himself) have no money, thus I am quite certain that SD paid the tab since she does so for all of SIL's expenses.   SIL's father (the birthday boy) is a convicted felon with a rap sheet a mile long, including forgery, theft and domestic violence against his own family members.  

My SO, however, did not get so much as a birthday card in the mail from these two.  SD did send him a text, however.   I simply cannot understand how she can ignore all my SO has done in her life to love and support her.  He gets nothing from her, but he still keeps trying. 

Of course I won't mention this to my SO since I know it will break his heart.  It's hard for me to even keep back tears myself right now.

There is so much truth in the saying, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth to have a thankless child."

SacrificialLamb's picture

You are doing the right thing not telling your SO about this party.   My OSD posts things like this on purpose to make sure her father sees them. It's as if she is saying "see how I would treat you if you put me first like you used to?" 

But there are some unknowns in this - did they just get a restaurant with a room and everyone paid their own way? It's not worth speculating over.  Your SD maybe trying to show off for her own DH and his family. I am aware that my OSD's in-laws do not think highly of her so she was always trying to get their approval.

Your SO may recognize he is not treated with appreciation and he may not. He also may not really care. I've learned over the years that my DH seems happy with the crumbs thrown his way and does not want to disrupt his peaceful life to cater to the whims of a middle-aged spoiled brat. So it's best for me to just keep quiet.

still learning's picture

It sounds like SIL is the one behind this. SD probably doesn't have any money to spend on her own father after SIL has her using it all on his father.  If it's any consolation she's the Sugar Momma trying to buy her new in-laws's love and likely being used by her husband and his shady family. She knows that daddy loves her and she doesn't have to try with him like she does everyone else. 

marblefawn's picture

Resist social media.

If you did not know about the felon's birthday extravaganza, you wouldn't feel bad for your SO. You don't even like those people, so avoid them and their social media outlets at all costs.

Your SO is in charge of his relationship with those people.

Sometimes I feel sorry for my ungrateful SD's treatment of my husband. But then I remind myself that he allowed SD to treat me 100 times worse than she ever treated him. He raised her. It's his problem. If he wants more from her, he must figure out how to get it. I'm out of it.

sandye21's picture

"Sometimes I feel sorry for my ungrateful SD's treatment of my husband. But then I remind myself that he allowed SD to treat me 100 times worse than she ever treated him."  I'm the one who had to stand up for myself.  DH never seemed to think it was important to have my back when communicating with SD, or to inform her that respect is a two-way street, or how much her self-centeredness has hurt him but you know what?  He's a big boy, he has the ablilty to stand up for himself more than I do.

We have an agreement that if SD comes to visit DH will meet her elsewhere.  And I am sure, from past experience, that DH would be footing the bill for everything.  What I see as 'sad' is not how SD treats DH as much as his lack of self worth and the lack of courage to insist on mutaul respect.

2Tired4Drama's picture

... lots of good insights and advice from everyone.  It's so helpful to have ST available just to "vent" sometimes.  Just putting the words down can be quite theraputic.