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FairyO Hope all is well

SacrificialLamb's picture
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I know today was a big decision day for you and hope you are well. Please post an update when you can.

fairyo's picture

Hi there! I'm tired, washed out and drained but I am also overwhelmed with the kindness I've received. It is over, I left the house with a few possessions on Saturday and don't know when I'll feel strong enough to go back. He has got on with having the house valued and I hope it will be on the market soon. Meanwhile, I have to find somewhere to rent and that is what I am going to do tomorrow before going to stay with my daughter and her family for Easter.

Then, who knows? I cannot let self-pity in, I have to keep looking to the light and knowing that whatever lies ahead at least it will be more fun than living with that dull, mediocre man and his shallow, self centredness.

He changed beyond recognition from the man I met 8/9 years ago. 

I will keep you posted on how things progress-thank you for your concern.

Kes's picture

Hugs to you (((fairyo))) good luck with your home search, hope you find something suitable that you like. Keep us posted. 

fairyo's picture

I'm going home for a day to look for temporary accommmodation- I hope there is more to see than what I've found so far. After the haven that my friend has provided here for me the reality is sinking in- and it isn't looking good for me in the short term. I may have to give up the lifeline of a job as I don't want to live off my savings and I really need to assess my finances. I am planning for the house not selling possibly for years.

I have left the Ostrich in charge as I can't bear to go back just yet... I really can't see a way forward so I think I'll just try to get Easter over with and then have a good think...thanks for all your kind words.

sammigirl's picture

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  So sorry FairyO you are going through this.  I have been where you are at this time.  It is a very confusing time.  I trained myself to sit alone and think it through from top to bottom.  I believe spending time putting it in perspective was the best step for me. 

Protect yourself.  Sleep on any major decisions you make.  The morning always casts different light on decision making.  

I just don't have any advice, because there are so many days I think I made the wrong decisions concerning my marriage.  I have decided I have nobody to blame, but me; therefore making decisions from this day forward will be on you.  My life is what it is now and I am going to make the best of the direction I chose.  I wish I had advice, but I'm afraid I'm not qualified.

Stay here for support and keep us posted.  ((((hugs)))).

fairyo's picture

Thanks Sammi- life is full of ifs and buts; the main thing is that we are still here and continue to find joy in little things. It is hard work just now, but, yes, I am finding gaps to take stock. Although I feel the pull of home I can make that home again and it will be mine this time- it is really wonderful being surrounded by my friends and family and I know in my heart I have done the right thing. I know there will be tears and frustrations but I am already viewing a house to rent tomorrow and who knows? I may be moved in a couple of weeks!

Because I left, Ostrich is staying put and paying me rent until it is sold. He can have all the work of the viewings and keeping it shipshape etc.That house is full of me and he must find it hard to be there, unless his heart really is the size of a peanut. I really hope he is getting 'himself' back, which is what he said he wanted.

I am feeling much more hopeful today than yesterday, and tomorrow I will be with my grandsons talking with my daughter and drinking a glass ,or two, of wine!

((((hugs)))))

 

fairyo's picture

No Mappy, there will be no working together on this. He doesn't love me, maybe hasn't for a while. He was too cowardly to tell me himself, but chose his moment when I asked him about his plans. I will never understand his self-destruction or what he called his bitterness that I couldn't diffuse because if I tried he'd say I was controlling him. I will never understand that he said I didn't want his children to visit, but yet when I wasn't home they never came to see him. I could go on trying to explain the inexplicable or defend the indefensible- but our problems began long before I came to Steptalk. I am feeling very positive just now after spending time with those who love me and I know the future will be ok, maybe even great!

 

 

 

 

 

Rags's picture

It already is.  My condolences on the demise of your relationship but my heartfelt congratulations on the start of your new life adventure. 

Take care of you.

fairyo's picture

I seemto have come a long way in a ery short time. Today I saw a lovely little house, newly refurbished on a quiet street. Trouble is the landlord is looking for a long term tenant- I will be meeting him next Thursday so hope I can persuade him to let me have it for six months.

I have a lot of financial stuff to sort too, but I am feeling really great- maybe it will catch up with me- who knows?

Now at my daughters and enjoying the company of my lovely family- I really feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  I can do this!

Rags's picture

Keep up the good work.  It  just keeps getting a bit easier every day.  Until eventually it is just a periodic upleasant memory and no longer overwhelms your life. Enjoy your time with loved ones. The REAL loved ones.

sammigirl's picture

The weight has been lifted from your shoulders.  The world will feel so free now.  When you make the change and nobody makes it for you, it is such a relief.  

You are going to be fine and you will love your new life.  I'm praying for you! 

((((hugs))))

bedazzled's picture

Thinking of you Fairyo and sending you lots of hugs

fairyo's picture

Thanks everyone- it has been a week but I'm getting through it and feeling pretty good to be honest!

SugarSpice's picture

fairyo, i hope you are well.

moving on takes time.  everyone is different.

in the end, you will survive.  rest assured of that. you will be in a better place.