You are here

End marriage or remove ss?

Lifer33's picture

I don't know if this is right area but I'm at my wits end after a ruined father's day. Literally went to bed let him deal with kids for afternoon while txting him I want a divorce. 

I've just survived a weeks holiday abroad where ss 10 has acted mostly like a feral animal, if not running everywhere shouting, being mean or encouraging bd 3 to act same etc. He usually ignores any input from me but a few times I shouted myself and he got the message. 

One day off now he's dropped off by bm for father's day, (no greeting to his dad about that lucky I got him a card to sign.) insists he must have his passport back as bm waiting outside to go book their holiday today, one-upmanship whatever. From the get go he's destructive, fighting with 3 yr old over a balloon for his dad, really physically fighting being mean coming to her level, I'm doing my best to stop it, husband sat there playing with his new gadgets. Eventually I lost it n launched the damn balloon outside to the sky, 3 yr old in tears.

Now, we go to a really nice restaurant like I've really looked forward to this best and all I can afford etc. From get go same as above, feet on chairs winding up 3 yr old, breaking things on the table. Me and husband getting wound up and embarrassed but husband just keeps saying no etc. I would've taken ss and smacked him at this point I truly would. The bill comes and I was paying my treat etc but because I'm busy breaking up the kids shit show husband goes to pay. I just lost it hissed at him to damn well leave it and control his kid/s. He says dnt ever speak to me like that again. Honestly I could have stabbed him his ss, anyone. Went home in silence and I have come straight to bed and cried like a baby. Everything nice I do and pay for ss ruins. Disney daddy never does anything until too late and my daughters turning feral herself. I have said by message it's over, he may or may not agree but other than that do I ask him to see ss away from us as much as possible 

tog redux's picture

Obviously some changes need to be made. You can't control him, all you can control is yourself. You can refuse to go out to dinner with SS or on any vacations with him.  You can leave with BD3 as much as possible when he's there, or he can see SS elsewhere.

But, if you've told him you want a divorce, then one of you needs to move out. Threatening divorce when you don't mean it will bring about the end of your marriage eventually anyway (I personally wouldn't let someone threaten me with divorce more than once before I'd make it happen).

Littlemama72's picture

My step daughter is not allowed to come to our house. She does not like me nor my son and has convinced her mom that she is afraid of me. My husband is afraid of his ex. Sbe/sd never does anything wrong and he is always yelling at my son. It's all a big mess. I understand how you feel. It makes the stress go away when they are not there, but then I feel resentment from my husband like he feels it is all my fault. My husband also is a non communicator which makes things worse. I moved across country for him and my son and I are completely miserable.  I think you should ask him to spend some alone time with his son. Ask him to make it a special time for them to bond and see if that helps with the jealousy from your ss. 

shamds's picture

because he lets his feral kid behave that way instead of demanding he be polite and respectful in a restaurant. Geez all those people who had their meals ruined by his drama..

i have always told my husband that the issues with his 3 kids from ex, i would never allow it to rub onto my 2 kids, we would be divorced before i allowed hubby to eff up 2 more kids... i refuse to participate in any events including hubbys family ones like weddings if all 3 skids or especially the 2 sd’s are there... i refuse to be disrespected by them when it comes to my 2 toddlers.

they need to understand when i say no don’t do that to my toddlers its wrong and rude or not needed or its out of line, no don’t feed my kids that as they’ll get real sick. Its a no!! When they as usual are dumb enough to say “ok we’ll do it”, thats when i remind them with a long condescending NOOOOOOOOO! And hubby steps in and tells them listen to what my wife says, she said no- listen

Rags's picture

You have played the D card so woman up and deliver on it.  Call the locksmith, rekey the locks, and tell STBXH to pack up his toxic spawn and leave.  See how he likes having two separate CS payroll deductions.

Do what is necessary to save your daughter from that shallow and polluted gene pool.

Harry's picture

dont do anything with SS.  No going to dinner, No vacations,,No anywhere with SS. Do not be left alone with SS. No taking him anyplace, spending any money on him.   Set up battle line. 

lorlors's picture

It’s the only way to protect yourself and your sanity. Have less than nothing to do with them.

Harry's picture

For not parenting his DS.  You tell your DH you wan a divorce and it still does not sink in.  He has to see his kid is out of control but does nothing. ?  Band the kid from your home.  See if that does anything?  This is no way to live.

Bex_S's picture

It depends on how invested you are in your marriage. I'd be wary of staying if it was so bad that my child was becoming negatively affected by such a toxic example of parenting from DH and conduct from SS. You and DH need to have a frank discussion about whether he is willing to start making his son tow the line. If he can't get him under control now, it will only get far, far worse as he grows up....and do you really want BD to grow up like that? This is the quandry I find myself in.

Lifer33's picture

Thank you everyone, you're right I shouldn't have threatened divorce, although I 99pc meant it at the time. Touch wood since I posted oh is coming down on ss like a tonne of bricks and I have started discipline too, coz like my friends said you have literally nothing to lose. It's constant and we are both tired but hey hell get the message eventually when he's mostly not got his phone or is in his room with no tech 

mothersuperior1's picture

Ah id say pack that kid off and save your marriage. At least if you tried it wont feel so bad will it.


He needs a time out away from the home environment I think.