The Consequences of my Disengagement
About a year and a half ago I made the decision to disengage from YSD
Her behaviour towards me showed me time and time again that she did not value the relationship with me, did not really seem to want me in her life or that of her family and I really feel she would be so much happier if I weren't in DH's life easier
Her decision to accept me or not, but after 23 years of being in her life I figure she probably isn't going to change her mind about it LOL
Regardless, I will always respect someone's choice to not want to be around me or certainly as little as possible
DH knows how I feel and he stopped fighting me on it for the most part
I've always told DH that she's his daughter and just because I no longer want to participate in phone or video calls which only left me feeling humiliated, excluded and disrepected she's still his daughter and there is no reason he can't continue with the calls without me
Instead DH stopped phoning, as much.
So now there are quite long lapses inbetween the phone calls with him and YSD, for the first time ever
Now that DH isn't phoning her every week, there is no real contact as she doesn't bother to call him.
She has also stopped sending the constant pics of the sgkids as she used to regularly
She's always pretty much ignored anything I posted on FB. When I stopped responding to hers she went up and down for a while sometimes commenting or reacting and other times not. Most comments seemed to be only a way to compliment or include DH....in other words another avenue to try to exclude and/or humilate me I feel
But now nothing much at all from her
So, now that all the skid ass-kissing is done on my end, and less on DH's too, she seems to have walked away for the most part.
Of course whe was in contact with us last month when she wanted to tell us what to buy sgs for his 1st birthday, but otherwise not much contact after that. DH had to phone her just to find out if the package was received and whether sgs even liked his gifts
I'm surprised she wouldn't have made more of an effort to phone her own father!
The relationship between SD's and me have always been one-sided for the most part, with me falling over backwards trying to develop bonds with them and them only responding in the most passive ways. And rarely ever going out of their way in any way to show me that I actually matter. On the occasions YSD had done that in the past, I figured it was drama and not to believe it. Didn't listen to myself then and got hurt far too many times. Now, I'm just tired of so much effort just to feel kicked in the teeth all the time
But I do feel bad for DH that it seems his relationships with them too have been one-sided, and in the case of OSD, many conditions and ultamatums part of that
I honestly think DH regrets ever having children!
The whole situation with them hurts him, embarrasses him, and makes him feel dissappointed and angry.