When do parents have a say
Hello All,
I am completely new to this forum and to step-parenting.
Unfortunately I have no friends that have to handle the questions and uncertainties of being a step parent. My parents are less then supportive, so I cannot turn to them for answers. And my boyfriend is somewhat supportive in certain area's.
I am looking for a place where I can ask questions that don't seem "ridiculous" and get support for things, since I have no one else I can reply on.
Let me give some background. I was raised by my single mom, I was raised in a very christian/catholic family environment. Having children without being marriage was just not accepted. This is how I grew up.
Once I got older I started to develop my own opinions and went on my own path.
Years later I found out that I had a sister, who is 10 years older then me. Yes my mother had a child out of wedlock (GASP)
It's been years since all of this has happened and we are all ok with everything....except when it comes to me.
I a now in my 30's, I have never been married and I have no kids of my own. I have met an amazing man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. He has 2 kids (3, 5) He has split with his ex-wife over a year ago. Everything between us is great. Except when it comes to my mom.
We have been together for 9 months, she has no desire to meet his kids, she gets angry when she knows that I am with them instead of her, she makes me feel guilty when I try to turn to her for advice. She wants nothing to do with any of it. I know deep down she would be happy if I wasn't involved with any kids. In fact a part of me feels that it wouldn't matter if the kids were my own, she would still act the same way.
How do I get my mom to come around and be open to the idea of having step-grand-kids?
Help 
They always have a say. That
They always have a say. That does not mean that you have to act on what they say. You are an adult, listen and apply what you think makes sense.
You have a choice. You can
You have a choice. You can live the life that she wants you to live, and find a childless man. Or you can be a woman that makes her own choices and lives her life.
Sometimes our parents want the best for us. They actually have a say when you are a child and a teenager, but when you are an adult you have the choice to take their opinion and listen to it or you don't.
You probably aren't going to change her mind. Your stepchildren in reality are nothing to her yet. She does not have a vested interest in them at all. If your relationship is fairly new, then the guy you are with is only the guy you are dating. If she is not liking you talking about your issues with him, then you don't talk about them.
It does sound as if she has issues with possibly codependency if she is getting jealous of your dating anyone. But she may just be an overprotective mom, which most moms are.
I am curious as to why she was a single mom. Did your father die or did they divorce.