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What can I do and how about my spouse?

Mumofsix22's picture

How do I handle and how should he handle an ex wife who actively campaigns against me still? She's befriended my ex husband and they constantly badmouth publically etc and she is still difficult and arguementive and blames me for every single little thing that is a challenge parenting (I.e any of our kids in trouble in school). Should he still be engaging with her even though she refuses to accept and continues this? Also they have all orders in place only reason to communicate should be changes due to holiday or whatever etc 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

"Also they have all orders in place only reason to communicate should be changes due to holiday or whatever etc "

Then only communicate for schedule changes due to holiday. Spend the rest of the time ignoring her. 

Winterglow's picture

Remind him he divorced her and that he's married to you. Refer him to his CO when he strays. 

Rags's picture

A current DH problem, and an XH problem. A DH who needs to put his foot up his XW's posterior. An XH you need to shred and plant back under is slime covered rock.

Go for BM's throat and  counter the BM and your XH by being more publically linformative about them.  Bring the facts, let them deal with the community when you counter their crap.

Do not tolerate them assaaulting your character uncountered. Assuage their crap by destroying them with the facts. Publically, with the Skids, etc.....  This may just force your DH to at least face the facts and his own lack of spine in dealing with his XW.


notsurehowtodeal's picture

Go "low contact." You should never interact with her in any way. Your DH should contact her only when it directly pertains to something that needs to be decided about the children. Family Wizard is best, if that won't work it should be text or email only, unless it is an emergency. The more you respond to her, the more she is going to act out. It is hard, but you both should ignore her as much as possible.

How is her currently interacting with her?

Mumofsix22's picture

So they were on text arguing back and forth and then she blocked him so he returned the favour and asked her to communicate only on a coparent app. But she just moved over her sarcasm and demands to there. He does ignore a lot but recently she was online again and my X and his partner adding to the BS and he reacted with a post online straightening out facts. This has sparked a dialogue for him with her new other half but he knows barely anything and doesn't seem to have influence over her persistence. 

I've gotten to the point I'm telling him to ignore her completely and he's making me the villain by telling me that's controlling. But he has a child arrangements with contact so in my opinion they follow it and that's mostly it. He defaults to "it's not my fault she won't give up" which I agree but also what is the alternative to ignoring when she persists...

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Being honest - does your DH seem to relish drama? He is participating as much as BM it seems. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

When she persists, you keep ignoring. She is doing it to get a response and your DH is providing her exactly what she wants. He hasn't ignored her long enough for it to have any effect. I agree with Rumple, he is getting something out of all the back and forth too.

strugglingSM's picture

No, he doesn't need to continue to engage with her beyond what is required in the CO. He could say to her, "I will not engage with you if you continue to spread lies and say hurtful things about Mumofsix22, " but even that is just a courtesy. He could also just be silent and ignore anything that is not specifically required by the CO. It's enraging for sure to deal with this, but the people who matter will know that she's lying and the ones who believe her should be people you distance yourself from. 

Harry's picture

The ex and you are going to be Betsy's   That what happened,  that why there a CO.