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Video Call Weirdness

1dad4kids's picture

So BM & DH got SS10 a Chromebook last year so he could call his parents while at the other's house, and do homework. 

(This is even tho the pretrial judge told BM that she shouldn't be contacting SS10 during DH's time since he has so little). DH agreed because of the homework and he wouldn't have to contact BM anymore to talk to SS10. 

First of all, DH had to text BM to get SS10 to video chat. And when he would it would always be in a public room with BM in the background. SS10 would always be looking at BM everytime DH asked him a question before answering. Super annoying, DH never knew if SS10 was being himself or being who BM wanted him to be. 

Eventually DH got sick of that and we started having SS10 contact BM in public spaces. Before that, he always made the calls in private from his bedroom. After the first call DH finds out SS10 has no window in his bedroom, during an unrelated conversation about waking up early. (Off topic SS10 says he's been sleeping until 10am at BM's for the last few weeks, but he's up before 7am here...)

Anyway DH figures it must be that SS10 doesn't have a window and BM didn't want him to find out.

DH had his  lawyer issue a

request to move SS10 to a safe sleeping space and after 6 weeks (a bunch of BS about waiting for the ground to thaw) SS10 is happy to have a window in his room. Although he had no idea DH is the one who forced it to happen. SS10 slept in his SS's room while they were at their Mom's, and when they were with BM and his SD, SS10 slept on his mattress in the living room. 

Anyway! SS10 still hasn't video called from his room since, but has been going into the basement living room at BM's to call. That's fine, BM isn't around. 

Well today SS10 calls and is in his Mom's room! DH asks him about a fish tank, just making conversation, and finds out SS10 is sitting on his Mom's bed calling DH. What the hell! DH asks why he would call from BM's room and it took SS10 about 15 minutes to spit out a story that made zero sense. SS10 was also super quiet during the entire convo and kept shifting his eyes to an area of the room, maybe the door. Both DH and I got the feeling that SS10 was sad or in pain or something with the way he was talking. 

We aren't sure what's going on. SS10 is due here on Friday for our week and we're going camping, hopefully BM isn't trying to poison him from enjoying his time with us. 


notsurehowtodeal's picture

Someone was listening to the call out of visual range. I agree - very weird place for him to call from. I think you should ask him about it in a casual way.

Rags's picture

This kid is a pawn for BM.  Sad to say the least.

We never were able to speak to SS while he was on SpermClan visitation until we got him a cell phone when he was in 8th grade.  We tried to call once a just to check in with SS but the SpermClan would never allow us to speak with SS. Interestingly... never once from before age 2yo until he aged out from under the CO at 18 did anyone in the SpermClan call to speak to SS.  Not once in 16+ years.  

When  the Spermidiot would call to cry to my DW about missing his family, professing his love for my DW, etc... he would not ask to speak to SS. DW would just laugh at him and say "Here, speak with your son." and hand SS the phone. Though never once did the Spermidiot call to speak with SS.  SpermGrandHag would call to work out visitation travel or to rant at my DW, but never once asked to speak with SS.  Not once.  Ever.

Even after we got the cell phone for SS and they could call him anytime without speaking to DW or I they made no effort.

Oddly their interface with SS completely ended once they were off the hook for CS.  He had no contact with them for 2 years after he turned 18 other than to try to beg money out of him to help raise his three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by to other baby mamas.  Once he shut that crap down... they made no effort to contact him.  

Now at nearly 28, SS and Spermidiot spawn #2 do have a fairly close relationship.  His younger sister hates the Spermidiot to the point that she has zero to say about him other than to speak of how much she hates him.  The two of them are the only two who are self supporting and do not live with SpermGrandHag as adults.His sister refers to the Spermidiot as "your father" when she and SS speak to which SS responds "He's not my father!".  It is their thing when they talk.  It actually makes me sad for both of them.  Their connection is over how much of a POS the Spermidiot is.

Kids are not pawns.  BM needs a firm foot up her ass to keep that message fresh for her.

IMHO of course.


advice.only2's picture

She's monitoring the calls and is out of camera range. Not much you can do, other than have it written into the CO that mother is not to interfere with video chats on or off camera.

Thumper's picture

End the craziness. Unless distance is a huge factor. I would stop the video call stuff. BM is playing this hard.

I reallly REALLLLy feel so bad for all of you dealing with face time, video chats, texting, cell phones.

"OK bm, lets not worry about ths anymore, OK???? I have decided son and I  will talk at our house"...that is what I would tell her. Send him a card or letter when he is not there.

. Don't forget to send it certified, return receipt SIGNATURE required by bm Wink

She may have to run all the way to the post office to sign for it AND pick it up--

but hey "its all about the chilllll-drennnn"    TM.;)


1dad4kids's picture

DH & BM have their 3rd and final pretrial coming up. If they don't agree then it's an actual trial. DH is going to add to the minutes of settlement that SS10 contacts him in private. 

SS10 likes to check in to see what's happening over here, and we like to make sure he can. If she's too bent up and jealous that she needs to listen then that's on her. 

Dogmom1321's picture

I think FaceTiming in general is a no go for blended families. It opens a can of worms. Parents use it to "spy" on the other parent and their home life. SK feel uncomfortable because they know both parties are listening in on them. Majority of these kids are in a loyalty bind and worry about hurting a parent. 

I would keep it to phone calls with the SK. If the chromebook has some kind of message/texting app, I think that would be okay. Then SK doesn't feel obligated or forced to talk to a parent at a certain time on the videochat. 

*Keep in mind, a judge can put in the CO that interferring with communication (by BM) isn't allowed, but we know BM don't follow these orders. You know she will always be on the other side of the screen listening in. So don't been surprised if it backfires in court one day (screenshot she took, voice recording, etc.)

1dad4kids's picture

Yeah. SS10 likes to see his siblings, and they like to see him. Sometimes it's 10 days in between visits so that's tough for everyone. FaceTime has made it a bit easier. We do a text app too, but he doesn't check it regularly enough and he tells me the pictures don't always load. (Maybe BM deletes them I dunno). 

We'd never say or do anything while talking to SS10 that BM could use in court. Our conversations are literally just about him. That's why it's so annoying that she listens in, it's like he doesn't want to be himself.