I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this post.
I just need some advice. I separated from my husband 6 years ago. We have 3 children who we co parent in a 50% shared parenting agreement.
He is remarried. He met her a year after we split. Within a week or 2 after them getting together she was on social media calling my boys 'her boys'. I hadn't even met her. Within a month she had moved her children to our school, was calling him her 'hubby' and was trying to set up coffee dates with my friends. A few months later I was bullied into sharing my boys with her on mothers day. I was still healing from my separation and I now I had this woman in my life who was forcing her way in like a bullet a gate. As a very sensitive person, it was hard. All the while she was posting about their fabulous life and 'my family'. Everyone asked her to stop posting things online about my boys and about me, including my ex MIL and ex husband but all she did is ramp it up. I understand that this was my insecurity but there were no boundaries. I tried not to look at the things she was posting but my will power at the time wasn't very good plus I had so many people looking and feeling the need to tell me. Her posts were almost daily. It was so constant. She then went on to tell me that my boys were unhappy with me and are very happy with her and that it breaks her heart when she sees their faces before they have come home to me.
They bought my middle son who is 12yo a phone for Christmas (actually a hand me down). She set up the phone and saw fit to set herself up as 'mum <3' in the contacts. I sent a photo of this to my ex and said it was unacceptable. He said she is more of a mum than I am and I need to be grateful for her. He said 'if she was out to get you (I never said to him she was) why would she give you presents each year'. Last year she gave me photos of my sons at their wedding as a Xmas present. Also when they were getting married, they originally booked it on the weekend of my birthday and then when I said we had already started planning a family holiday with cousins, mum and my dying uncle - he blasted me. I never told him that the boys could not go to their wedding, We hadn't even booked the holiday - I only said that I was disappointed. Of course I would never deny them going. He blamed me for their financial loss of things booked even though he never checked with me before booking things. I never asked him to cancel. She was sending my eldest son messages about me like 'your mum is jealous and being difficult'. Also so many messages telling him she loved him and missed him and what her and my ex were up to. I know it sounds like I'm jealous and of course I probably am but it all felt like mind games.
So just a few days ago, my ex saw nudey photos on my middle son's new phone. He took a screen shot and sent it to me and said it was all my fault. The phone was from him and he didn't set up any restrictions yet because it happened at my house it was 'all on me'. He was furious and said I'm turning them into materialistic people. It was vicious and made no sense. He is very abusive to me and we do not get along at all. If things don't go his way, he calls me names and sends very longs text messages. Never compromises. Never thanks me. Its always negative.
Anyway this morning at 4am, I received an email from his wife. It was so long (longer than this post). It was went on and on. She talked about my marriage breakdown and the fact that it was my fault, also about my 'dysfunctional' upbringing, and how she has spent hours countering allegations and rumours I have spread about her. She said I'd never undermine her relationship with her in-laws (my ex in-laws) which was so random. She said a few times that she wishes she was the one who gave birth to my boys. The point of her very long email was to ask me to met up with her. She is a lawyer and is obviously very good when it comes to confrontation. I am not. I'm intimidated by her. I'm hurt by her. I feel manipulated. I have seen her become out of control. I know her background from her ex's perspective and its a bit scary. Even her sister has an AVO out on her. But I know my boys are suffering from the hostility. My middle son wants to move in with me 100% of the time and has broken down at school. My eldest son barely says a word. My youngest son is trying to protect everyone with white lies.
What is the point of meeting. So I can tell her everything I've just told you? So she can rehash everything she said in her email? If I don't bend to her way, it'll be WW3. If I don't meet her, they'll tell my boys.
I'm very emotional but I don't know what to do.