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Should SD be the go between?

bcutie's picture
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My 7 year old SD is the one responsible for taking money back and forth between her parents. Her BM puts a check for her half of SD's health insurance in SD's backpack each month for DH (he pays her insurance premiums through his work) DH puts checks in her backpack for BM as well. For some reason this rubs me the wrong way. I feel they should just mail it or find another way to exchange the money and not make SD the go between. DH says that it's not a big deal, but I feel like as she gets older it will become kind of uncomfortable for her.

Is there any validity to how I feel about this or am I being over the top? Lol.

ESMOD's picture

To be honest, I don't in theory have an issue with a kid giving something to one parent or the other.. what worries me is what happens when it's lost?

bcutie's picture

One of my concerns. Also, the possibility that SD would eventually be asked to ask the other parent for the check etc.

ESMOD's picture

Oh.. our BM had no problem getting the girls to ask their dad if he had sent the CS. He also used to communicate about pickups and coordinate visitation through them.. they didn't always like being in the middle.. but mom was toxic.. so it is what it is. They both survived.

strugglingSM's picture

While I can understand your concerns, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for a child to know that both her parents are contributing financially. As long as there isn't conflict (or as long as she's not exposed to conflict) over the payment, then in my opinion, it's fine.

I do draw the line at having the child ask the other about payment.

DaniAM73's picture

To each their own. For my household DH does have to pay spousal support. No check is passed via Skids. That is only because BM is devious and will say she never received it. A money order is sent via certified mail. As for CS that comes straight out of DH's paycheck. She has tried the "I haven't received CS." DH always had to tell her "well it's coming out of my check."

amodernstepmom's picture

While it seems practical, I would avoid it. Is there no way to do this electronically? There are so many options nowadays and you can keep the kids out of it easier, plus document better.