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She’s asking for time again

Stepmom26745294's picture
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DH custody schedule reads that he gets the boys from after school on Tuesday until 6pm on Thanksgiving Day. 
BM is asking to see them after school for a while. Normally with productive coparents this would be fine. But she’s extremely HC and tries to take as much time as possible away from him with nothing in return. But, there’s going to be court on the future so on one hand he wants to show he’s flexible because he always is but on the other hand he does not want to show he willingly gives up his custody time. The youngest has speech and DH would like to take him since he doesn’t get to as much as mom does. 
What do you do in these situations?

Gimlet's picture

Follow the CO.

Follow the CO.

Follow the CO.

Stepmom26745294's picture

It says they can be flexible with schedule of both parents agree. He does not want to look like he's not coparenting. 

Petronella's picture

He coparents plenty, he's flexible plenty. He needs to take his scheduled time, period.

If he lets BM see them after school he probably won't see them again until after Thanksgiving. 

Stepmom26745294's picture

Ugh!! She said the kids would like to grab a few things and see her before leaving again. She makes everything impossible! Is he going to say they can't grab their things? I mean she knows just how to manipulate everything! The youngest had wrestling with her last so DH has to get his gear for practice tomorrow. Oldest gets off the bus at mom's house. What is he going to do say "you can't go say hi to your mom and grab what you want to bring?" 
he can't pick oldest up from school because youngest has speech at that time. I swear she sits around and strategically plans everything to make thongs difficult 

tog redux's picture

She can drop off what they need at your house. They can call her to say hi.

And yes, she does sit around planning how to make things difficult.

Stepmom26745294's picture

She's not allowed at our house because of her past outbursts. She had another one on Friday. In front of her kids. I don't want her near mine. She doesn't care about anyone. 

Sparkl3s's picture

Yes, I bet you they will make sure to pack everything for dad's house next time. 
 

Teach them expectations and consequences. 

Stepmom26745294's picture

They have everything they need here. The youngest has wrestling with her last so needs his gear back. She says she will be at work until they are out of school so he can't pick up until after that. I mean, of course! 

tog redux's picture

Pro Tip: get doubles of all gear. Shouldn't be too expensive.  Uniforms do have to go back and forth but at least for practices you don't have to deal with BM. 

Stepmom26745294's picture

We tried that. Things like baseball gear they had one special set. Yeah, not too expensive? I wish!! Lol! That stuff cost like $300 

Petronella's picture

No. The answer is no. Anything they want to bring to Dad's house, they can bring to school with them on Tuesday morning. or BM can drop off the stuff at Dad's house. Or they can go without whatever it is as they should have everything they need at Dad's house already. Yes, he should say they can't grab their things. Yes he should say they can't go say hi to their mom. They see their mom damn near every day. They can call mom from Dad's place at a reasonable time. 

tog redux's picture

He gets 20% of the time.  He needs to hold to the schedule.  I agree with the PP who says if he allows that, she will find a way to keep them through Thanksgiving. 

 

tog redux's picture

OP, I thought this over and if all she's asking is for the kids to run inside and grab their stuff and he has to pick them up at her house anyway, then fine. Do it.

Stepmom26745294's picture

Thank you!! She wants them for know knows how long.  She said they want to see her. He told them the plan yesterday and neither one asked to see mom. That is what he decided to do. To let them get what they want and to say hi to their mom while they are gathering their things. 

Petronella's picture

Then they need to have their sh!t ready to go and waiting to run into Dad's car with it. No going inside to chat endlessly with Mommy, no dramatic goodbye scenes. I still think the older SK should be expected to bring his own gear with him to school in the morning. 

advice.only2's picture

Look at us this way, she's minimizing dads time by telling the kids the only important person is her.  Your DH giving in to that is also enforcing to the kids that she is more important than him.  Follow the CO.

tog redux's picture

Yes, this is right. She will probably hug and kiss them like they are going away to war instead of to dad's for 48 hours. BUT, if he doesn't let them go say goodbye when he's already at her house anyway, it will look petty.  The CO probably doesn't say: Kids will get off bus and go straight to dad's car immediately, and she knows that.