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Serial dating bio mom

Seattle907's picture

I've been stepmom for almost 10 years. We have 50/50 (week on week off) with the kids. In those 10 years, bio mom has had at least 30ish boyfriends, 15 different boyfriends move in and out of her house, been engaged 4 times, married and divorced once and introduces the kids to all of the guys. I know I have no control over what she does, and my spouse isn't willing to take action. I'm so scared these kids will think her behavior is normal. I'm struggling to not do/say something I'd regret. I just needed to get this out - she drives me crazy, but I always play nice. The kids come first for me. I would never speak ill of her to them. It's a struggle. I really needed to vent this. TY 


ndc's picture

I'm not sure what action your DH could take.  He has no control over BM and who or how many men she dates.  He also has no control over when she introduces those men to the kids.  He could make suggestions to her as to what he thinks is best for the kids, but do you really think BM will listen?  What you and your husband CAN do is model a healthy, loving relationship for the kids.  

tog redux's picture

I'm not sure what he could do, except what is he IS doing - modeling a stable long-term relationship for them. They may think it's normal when they are young, but they won't when they are older. Might they be damaged by it? Probably. Hopefully at least she is not choosing men who abuse them.

All you twocan do is be there for the kids (and remember, DH was once one of that long line of men, so he made some poor choices, too).

Seattle907's picture

not physically, but a couple left mental scars. One guy told my 9 year old to pleasure himself (in much cruder terms) so he would be less stressed. BM got a call real fast and dude was gone soonish after. She loves her kids, just makes horrible dating choices. 

SCDad01's picture

Nothing to legally do, unless DH/Ex had a clause put into their custody agreement stating no overnights by members of the opposite sex unless related by blood and marriage.  I had that since my ex had an affair and had the guy living at the house around my kids, which I did not want.

And I would actually use her as an example to the kids on how that type of lifestyle never makes you happy or content.   



Seattle907's picture

Wish I knew my significant other before he made final custody arrangements. BM cheated on him. Often 

Thisisnotus's picture

I am totally against the clause but your DH could have absolutely had a judge grant that.

i think the clause is crap and just another way to control the other person and punish. Case in point above....wife had an affair...get angry and stick in the clause. 

my DHs ex faught tooth and nail for that clause and spent $$$$ doing it.....just to punish him for cheating (different topic for different day) but marriage takes it away so she wasted her time and money because DH re married right away....marriage definitely sped up because of the clause so that was a huge fail. And now BM is still stuck with the clause for the next 6 years...

justmakingthebest's picture

All you can do is provide a positive healthy relationship model for your kids. They will see BM as a cautionary tale of what NOT to do in life and love.


SM12's picture

Once I learned that lesson in step hell my life became way less stressful.  I can’t make BM be a rational human being so stop trying.

Rags's picture

I like to believe that if my XW had been knocked up with my kid rather than the toxic procreative effluvium of the geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy when we divorced I would defintly have invoked this clause if at all possible.  If only to be vindictive and to set her up for a life time of me giving my kid clarity on the toxic adulterous characterless nature of it's mother. I would have taken full responsitility for making a crappy decision regarding the mother of that child but done everyting in my power and ability to raise that kid to overcome my poor choice of a mother for them.  But.... I probably would have done nothing differently than what I have done without procreatng with her.  I would have left her far behind and just done my best for a kid to counter her toxic influence.

But, I was blessed to have not polluted my own gene pool with that skank whore and have been able to live an amazing life with her far, far, far behind me.

As it worked out, Karma has lived with it's teeth firmly clamped on her throat through 3 out of wedlock children and at least 3 husbands... the last I heard as of 2009.