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Over sharing EX’s

Erica05's picture
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My husband and I have been married for 5 years, we have a total of 6 kids(2 from our previous marriages and two together) I've always had issues with his ex wife because I feel like no boundaries were ever set and now she feels that she has some sense of entitlement. She doesn't acknowledge me or my 2 kids but will baby talk our two kids of my husband is carrying them. She often sends my husband  pictures of random things like, her swollen knee, a tree outside her home etc.... I feel like they both over share Info, example: we recently were out at a family gathering and he took her call because she was calling non stop just to figure out time exchange for the kids. I feel a lot can be handle through text but this is just a bit of what I deal with. Am I reading to much k to this??

ladybug3's picture

BM in my situation was exactly the same, and she would overshare sexual things and other inappropiate topics. I put my foot down immediately. Talk about the children and only the children. Their shared children are the ONLY reason why she is still in his life and both of them need to act like it. There is no need for her to go to your DH for anything. It sounds like she's just looking for attention, which he should not be giving her. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Your H hasn't created strong and clear boundaries and seems to keep entertaining her whenever she reaches out. Since he's been doing this for some time it's going to be tough to set the tone but it is possible. The only thing they should be communicating about is the kids if its not an emergency.....it can wait. Only address what pertains to the kids, nothing more & nothing less. He's leaving the door open for BM to think she can. BM sending photos of random stuff should be shut down and ignored immediately.

If he's feeding into it, she will continue. Its up to him to shut this down.

ESMOD's picture

Your DH should attempt to set some boundaries with his ex.  

He could send her a text message after her next transmitted photo of her bruised knee.. with a "Hey, can we limit our interaction to things involving the kids.  I don't need to know about your knee etc.. unless it has an impact on our kids"

Obviously.. he can't easily prevent her from sending those messages.. but he can choose to ignore and not respond to them.

Now.. about the phone call.  When he is getting the "non-stop" rings.. he needs to send her a TEXT message that states.  "I am busy right now, is this something urgent about the kids?".. then let her text back.  If she says.. "just call me".. he needs to hold fast.. and say.. "No.. you need to let me know what you need.. then I will decide whether a call is necessary or not.. now or later"  When she says.. oh about pickups.. he just says.. it's 3pm at the Albert's shopping center like usual on sunday... per the cO

fedupinwa's picture

I would lose my mind!  It's bad enough that you have to deal with your SO's BM with regards to sharing children.  Anything else is just too much.  I would force him to set a boundary with her, no other girl would be okay with it either.

ESMOD's picture

Here is the thing though.. he can't control what his EX does.. but he can control his response.

Tree pics? Knee pics?  He can tell her once or twice that he isn't interested in non-kid stuff.. but beyond that.. his EX may use that dialogue as an opening for more boundary pushing.. so 

he can just delete.

He can also control how he responds.. she calls.. he can just text a narrow boundary response.. "is this about the kids.. is it urgent?"

Sparkl3s's picture

BM tried this and I asked my than BF why he wasn't good enough to be her beeeeessssst friend when they were married.

He is very much don't rock the boat, for the kids, blaaaah blah blah... but I let him know if he wanted that kind of relationship with her he was free to pursue it and I we could break up.

She had numerous affairs and swore up and down they they were just her best friend *eye roll*. 
 

He since then ignored and doesn't reply to any texts that aren't about the kids. If she calls and starts trying to chit chat he starts going "yup" "yeah" "gotta go", I'm glad he got it. 

hereiam's picture

BM over here used to call DH, trying to talk to him about her personal life. He told her if it didn't concern SD, he was going to hang up. And then, he did.

This is about what your husband is allowing, not what BM does. She does, what he allows. It may take awhile, but if he keeps giving her the message (by ignoring or whatever) that this is not okay, she will eventually stop. And even if she doesn't, he needs to just keep ignoring and sticking to boundaries.

ExcellenceToolkit's picture

Nope. This is a hill to die on. DH is no longer with BM. She is neither friend nor family. He needs to move her to email. If he refuses then leave him and make him pay more child support. I'm not a jealous person; I'd just like to have my own situation my own family and life with my partner, one where there is not another woman in the picture. He's disgusting and he's bordering on emotional cheating.

Rags's picture

You are most definately NOT reading too much into this. If her calls are not about the kids and something important at that, she does not call.  DH needs to stop the daily banter with his X and stop answering her calls.