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Nothing is EVER easy! Signed up for OFW then she..

Biostep7777's picture
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So, DH has been asking for HCBM to sign up for Our Family Wizard for like 2 years and she wouldn't do it. Her attorney FINALLY got her to agree. She signs up than starts emailing him again!! He asked her to please start using OFW as primary form of communication so everything is in one place and she said she plans on using it for receipts/ billing but that email/texting  is "easier for her"  So, now we have to contact our attorney to get her attorney to tell her to agree to use this for ALL communication. Not just what's "easy" for her. Gezzz! 

Seriously, every single thing has to be a struggle!!! Everything. 

futurobrillante99's picture

You can't make her use OFW but you CAN ignore anything that comes via email. Ask your attorney to send her a letter informing her that you will ONLY respond to messages through OFW and she will be blocked from your email/text.

Then.....ignore anything that doesn't come through OFW.

Biostep7777's picture

That's what we are going to do. This is ridiculous though. Why did she agree then inform him later that she only intends to use it for what's best for her. Just use the damn app!!! What is the actual issue?? Ohhhhh because she knows a judge and attorney's will see it and she lies. Ughhhh!!!

tog redux's picture

This is par for the course. I promise she will do stuff like this for as long as it works - so he needs to do what FB said - 

"BM, since you agreed to use OFW for all communications, I will not be responding to emails and texts."

Then stick with it.  Ignore any ranting and raving and threats of destruction. 

Biostep7777's picture

It won't make DH look bad?? Every time he sets boundaries with her she cries that he's "trying to control everything" when in fact, situations exactly like this. He's setting his personal boundaries and telling her he will not be responding outside of OFW and she will 1) continue to email then state he will not answer her within the court ordered time frame then file for contempt then 2) say he's controlling and is just trying to control everything when the truth is SHE is trying to control everything!! She knows the judge/attorneys and therapist will see all of that. That throws a huge wrench on her plan of constant harassing texts/emails. He wants it to stop so put a boundary in place and then she says he's controlling. It's crazy making shit!!!

 

Oh and she didn't say "for all communications" she said "I agree to sign up for OFW" she's so sneaky. 

Survivingstephell's picture

She's testing him.  Make him stick to it.  She will learn but only if he stays the course.   I would want to ask BM what's she scared of by using it.  She knows it would expose her. Point that out to her.  Idiot.  

tog redux's picture

You can't live your life with "will it make me look bad" hanging over your head all the time.  OFW is meant to be for ALL communication, why would you pay to only use part?  He should word his message (in OFW) to her as "You agreed to sign up for this per our email on X date, so I will not be responding to messages outside of OFW."  Then yes, have his attorney reiterate that to her attorney - that ALL communications will go through OFW to cut down on conflict.  

You can't give in to her all the time out of fear of looking bad.  If she says he's controlling, he can say that he's trying to cut down on conflict between them.  You can't control how the judge will think, just keep the communications in OFW simple and free of emotion so they can see who the problem is. 

And yes, her goal is to continue controlling him via harassing texts and emails. Don't let her. 

skell76's picture

If you have it documented she will use it then no it can't make your DH bad and then get it in the order it's the ONLY way to communicate outside of an emergency.  You can set up a template to auto reply anytime she emails. We had to do the same thing until BM got the hint, it's all on OFW. 

Ignore and move on. We also have ours set up we only get notifications at 5 p.m., BM would send stupid messages and we wanted to minimize any triggers of her name popping up.  It's almost been a year and it's been fantastic, minimal communcation.  If she tried to challenge DH ie: can you tell me why you scheduled xyz.  We have a canned response that OFW is to discuss SD and anything parenting related. He doesn't have to answer to her anymore. I think she's finally getting the hint and .....we are way more relaxed with text pings and email pings. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

On the last court date, my SO and his ex were ordered to use OFW, but neither has got it. It's actually on the paper signed by the judge. I've also been wondering what happens if they don't. In your case, i would use it for everything. That's the whole point if it. If anything it makes your DH look better. 

Thumper's picture

YEP use OFW it for everything. That is why OFW was established in the first place.Your bm will taunt dh to see if he caves out of worry----see how that works. DH is worried or at least you are. 

BM agreed with attornies that she WILL use OFW...so, stop answering phones and do not answer texts that is what OFW is for.  

 

 

 

ESMOD's picture

I guess you have to see how the agreement was worded.  Will she use it? sure.. for everything? maybe they didn't stipulate that?  She may have thought it only needed to be used for things related to reimbursements etc.. for an official record but other communication could happen.  Definitely have the lawyer confirm it should be the "only" means./

Maxwell09's picture

Ha we just went through this although a little different. We didn't want OFW. DH had already forced BM to communicate only through email only because 1. it was free and 2. it was admissable in court whereas texts are not. She went to court saying DH wouldnt communicate with her enough so they ordered OFW. Fine. Whatever DH paid for his account and we started entering every single little thing. Every day theres a journal entry about SS's progress/grades (mostly private) but its nothing I wasnt already doing in my Notes for court on my phone anyway. At least this way its timestamped so she cant come back and say we made it up or added it later. We put in every single expense because itll put the ball in her court to either pay her half as she should or decline as she usually does proving she doesn't financially contribute. DH only communicates with her on there now and often cites other emails and journal entries in the bottom of any email that a judge/lawyer needs to be referenced. She gets so pissed. She has called twice, and has ambushed him at exchanges wanting to "talk" about SS and everytime he cuts her off and tells her to use OFW and she says she doesnt want to because it will be "taken out of context" aka make her look like the crazy, high conflict, difficult BM she is. Just this week she started a fight about SS doing EC activities and he just sent back reference to last years argument when he told her it would be SS's last year because she is too difficult. Shut her right down with that one. 

strugglingSM's picture

We had a very similar situation. First, they reached an agreement that BM would communicate only in writing and was only allowed to call in emergencies. She claimed it was too time consuming for her to email and text and then created a series of "emergencies" that weren't really emergencies. So, DH just stopped taking her calls. She then moved to text after text after text - oftentimes asking the same question that DH had already answered. She would then say that because DH was not responding to her, she had no choice, but to call. DH very calmly replied that he would not answer the same question twice and he would not respond to any disparaging texts. Then BM's lawyer suggested OFW (DH had proposed it two years before and BM said "no way". I'm not even sure she knew her lawyer was proposing it. DH's lawyer agreed right away. DH is supposed to have 72 hours to respond and if he doesn't BM can move forward with whatever decision she was asking about. If one of them needs a quicker response, they are supposed to say "immediate response requested" or something like that. BM still tries to text, but DH has stopped responding to her texts, other than directing her back to OFW. She also labels every message "immediate response requested", but unless it's a true emergency (DH was the only one who ever had a true emergency when he was admitted to the hospital via the emergency room and BM made a big stink about him not giving her 48 hours notice), DH only responds via OFW and even then, BM will get maybe two sentences from her. It doesn't stop the crazy, but it has reduced it somewhat, because she doesn't get what she wants, which is immediate attention.