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Lalalala's picture
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Hello, just wanting thoughts & advice on this 

I feel like SD's mom doesn't want to parent SD. 
Whenever SD comes back from BMs she has a huge attitude problem, and acts like a total baby, which I assume is because she's allowed to do whatever and act however when she is with BM and we don't allow that here. BM was also never really interested in potty training SD, I did that for the most part, just for BM to tell her whole family that she did it all. Whatever. 
My biggest issue though, is the nookie. 
SD is 3 and a half. She has been off the nookie here completely since about a month or two prior to turning 3. She does not use it anywhere else, EXCEPT her BM, and her grandmas on that side. And she never whines for it, or even asks for it when she is here. 

First off, I think she is waaaay to old to be using a nookie. Second, it's causing very visible damage to her teeth/soft palate. (Huge gap between her front teeth) 

We have voiced our concerns with it with BM, to which she always says something like "it's her comfort item" or acknowledges it, but then sends her back the next week with the nookie in her mouth. She has stated before that SD will get rid of the nookie on her own, when she's ready. Wtf? Why have parents if children can parent themselves I guess. BM has another child, who she let do this as well, and the effects are so obvious, same gap in his teeth, and I know it sounds mean but his teeth are hideous. SD also has her actual comfort items - her blankies. 
I am literally holding myself back from throwing this damn thing in the trash. It's clearly being used there for more of a convenience for BM than it is for SD, which in my eyes equals lazy parenting.  
 

justmakingthebest's picture

Eh, lots of kids use pacifiers at 3 bedtime. I wouldn't be stressing too much quite yet. As long as it's gone during the day and only used at night, at gone for good around 4, it is what it is. 

I am a comforting parent though, I never saw the need to make kids deal with all their emotions and scares on their own as babies and toddlers. I never did the cry it out thing. 

Lalalala's picture

She gets it whenever at her moms. Just irritating as she is obviously ready to go without it, as she does everywhere else with no complaints. Feel like mom just likes to keep her as much of a baby as she can. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Me Too! 

Oh well.  

OP no bios here and no experience in this but I will go with trashing it.

Rags's picture

I was a bit lost for a second.

 

Survivingstephell's picture

Get her a stuffed animal.  There should be nothing g wrong with self soothing just techniques.  Gosh , where would we all be if HCBms could self sooth and leave us alone.  LOL. 

ndc's picture

You can't control what BM does on her time, but you don't have to let SD use the pacifier when she's at your house.  If it comes with her, put it away and then send it back with her.  You also can't make BM a good parent.  If she's going to be lazy and not parent SD well, the best you and her father can do is try to be good parents to SD and provide as much good influence on your own time as you can.

Who takes SD to the dentist?  Perhaps her father should ask the dentist whether the gap in her teeth is caused by the pacifier.  It may not be.  But if it is, maybe he could discuss that with BM and it might carry more weight.  In any event, don't make yourself crazy worrying about the ways BM is screwing up - just do the best you can when you have SD, as frustrating as that is.

Lalalala's picture

She doesn't have it at our house. She will actually hand it to us upon arrival. And I agree, they should ask at the next dentist appointment. I've thrown out all the others, I think this is the last one lol. 

Rags's picture

I am assuming we are talking a passifier?

Just to be sure I am current, I Googled it. The only references to Nookie that came up were sex related.

Yes, throw it in the garbage.  If BM wants to keep buying them, keep throwing them out when they find their way to your home.

Lather............ rinse............... repeat.

Acute

 

 

Mominit's picture

Perhaps you can have her put it in a special box for the nookie fairy to come, and then replace it overnight with a big girl toy?  Heck, you could even just have the tooth fairy do it since the tooth fairy really wants to keep her teeth straight?  There's always the chance that BM will simply replace it, but maybe if she's excited enough about it it BM would give in and it could be a "farwell to pacifier" moment?