The latest obstacle in our household is a duzy for my DH and I. We have been trying to get his twin girls (10YO) involved in a new activity (4H) on our time. They have been very excited about it on our time and we've helped them to achieve doing it on our time as their BM is dead set against it (we believe it is bc it is something I introduced them to but really don't know). The girls have obviously brought it up to their BM as she has told is on multiple occasions that it just won't work as the summer fair is on her time. My DH and I have already planned for her to not let them participate so we are planning on getting them in early for their projects on our time. The most recent tactic she has gone to is having discussions with the girls on her time on how much they "truly" want to participate. Now she has messaged us saying she called the 4H director, read the rule book and spoke to the girls and she believes it will be unfair to the girls bc they are not at our house "physically" enough to participate. She is also saying how one of the girls has specifically asked not to participate and wanted her to relay the message. She also expressed how she's been in contact with multiple legal and psychological professionals and says that this is "not right" but in her messages she is rude, degrading, and hurtful with her words. She says the girls make it sound like we are forcing them into this. On our end we have seen NOTHING of the sort. But we are worried the girls are getting confused by all the back and forth and trying to please both sides. We aren't sure how to proceed. We do know that she can't be taking the advice of her council because she specifically relayed a message from the girls and we were all told in our coparenting counceling that the messages from the girls must come from them. Not between parents. We already know she's bonkers and manipulative. And have been using the tactic of BIFF. But how do we approach this topic with the girls? I hate that they have to have this negativity and are expected to have multiple personalities in both houses. It's bull and we want to put a stop to it. But if they truly don't want to do it we want to know but also don't want it to be bc BM said so. We are the sick of having to change our lives to accommodate a HC BM. And we're finally gaining some independence here!