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Lazy Parenting by BM

anonymous1306's picture

Due to me mentioned multiple times that my partners 3 year old should not be having milk during the night and us taking her off it on our weekend which then improved her eating actual food MASSIVELY, she went back to her mums who at some point in these 2 weeks has put her back on it. No idea why as she came off milk absolutely fine with no kick offs (rare for her anyway). Last night she wakes up and had an absolute meltdown because my partner wouldn't give her milk! For a solid hour she was screaming. We've just done the bedroom out so she can share my daughter's bedroom which im still not happy about as she doesn't sleep through the night. I've managed to stop it happening for a year but she's now too big for a travel cot so them sharing is the only option really. I've recently asked my mum for a key to her house in case I ever need it. Is it bad of me to leave him to deal with it though? As its not technically his fault, its the BM? But then i dont feel like my daughter and I should suffer because of lazy parenting :-( 

tog redux's picture

No. It's not wrong at all for you to leave him to deal with it, it's 100% his problem, and you have to put your daughter's needs first in this situation. 

Also, it's likely BM will do this with every possible parenting scenario until the day you all die - now it's milk, next it will be bedtime and homework, cell phones and social media, then a car/boyfriend, then college etc etc. 

Consider whether you want to deal with the effects of BM's lazy parenting ongoing. 

Petronella's picture

What's wrong is you putting your daughter through this. She didn't ask to live in this chaos. If your boyfriend can't get his kid to behave, go to your mom's house on his custody weekends. Consider making that arrangement permanent. 

ChzyBob20's picture

I'd be shocked if her teeth aren't rotting out of her head. You and your daughter deserve much better than this!

ndc's picture

Let's not blame this on lazy parenting by the BM (although I'm sure there's plenty of that). I suspect your partner is a lazy parent as well. If he was a strong, involved parent, his kid wouldn't be screaming for an hour over going to bed with a bottle at age 3.  She would already be used to no bottle at his house.

 Kids can adapt to different rules and routines in different houses, even when one house is EOWE.  Yes, BM can make things difficult, but your partner needs to step up. Worry about his parenting, not BM's. 

And definitely get a key from your mom and make sure your daughter isn't getting the short end of the stick here. I'd be inclined to spend custody weekends with mom until your partner gets his parenting act together and gets his child under control.

tog redux's picture

She said he did stop it at their house - but when she goes back to BM's, it starts again. If he only has her every other weekend, I could see it being an issue for a 3-year-old (though I do agree, that since OP was the reason it stopped at their house, he is probably a lazy parent).

My DH was NOT a lazy parent, but there were lots of issues caused by BM being permissive and SS resenting the rules at our house because of that.  So even if her BF steps us, BM being permissive will cause problems.

Lady.Tremaine's picture

This is what I did . My SD was nearly 5 and STILL on bottles.

DH and I agreed it was insane . So we borrowed an idea of the "bottle fairy" . Basically first day off bottles giving the kid a small gift . This stuck and she never got on them again. But in your case I might add " if you use a bottle again the present goes away"  considering BM keeps up the bottle business this might help getting her off 

Otherwise I feel for you and leaving the house may be the best way to keep sane.