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HCBM keeps writing emails trying to make DH look bad!

Biostep7777's picture
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This is so frustrating. So many things lately that HCBM is writing in emails trying to make DH look bad. First, SS does swim at a local sport center. He also does other sports there. DH usually picks him up from there on his parenting days. SS was exposed to Covid by a team mate and they recommended a Covid test and to not return for 2 weeks. He had the test, negative. But DH assumed he was not going to his next practice since he was exposed snd the recommended he not come back until next week. So DH called them to let them know he was on his way to pick them up. After he picks them up HCBM emails him saying he didn't communicate with her and didn't know he wasn't taking him to his practice. DH told her he would follow the request of the center for SS to not come back for two weeks. She said he should have went since he tested negative and DH "lack of communication" caused confusion. He had no idea she intended for SS to go to practice after they requested him not come for two weeks. Then she keeps asking about health insurance. The kids have been in DH's insurance since they divorced over 5 years ago. She asked him to confirm if they were still on his insurance. He confirmed. Then she had her attorney ask for him to answer her. He already did and let her know. Then she emails again tonight asking again saying she needs an answer. Like.... what is wrong with her?? He confirmed with her, with her attorney several times. This is completely insane. Just venting but ooooh my goodness. So frustrating!!!!!! 

notarelative's picture

Not taking SS to practice actually makes DH look good. He is following the Covid protections that the Center requested. Bringing SS to practice when the Center requested he not attend, would not look good in court.

 

Biostep7777's picture

I know. That's what's so annoying. She keeps trying to show he's not communicating or doing something wrong. Or he has been asking her to do a parenting app for literally 2 years. Last he asked again was Nov. She wouldn't agree. Totally ignored him. Then she asked him if he would consider doing one as if he was the one not replying. It's maddening! 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Welcome to life with a HCBM.

When the boys were younger, we assumed BM had spread nasty rumors about DH never being around, never paying CS (she actually told OSS that one), etc. DH would show up at school or other events, and the looks could slice a watermelon in half.

However, it is *really* difficult to paint DH as this absent, awful parent and BM as this "poor single mother" when DH shows up and then PAYS FOR EVERYTHING. I think became especially apparent when DH and I bought a house at the same time BM became homeless, not because she wasn't working, but because she turned down housing for her and the boys from two separate people because she wouldn't live somewhere without her DH (now XH#2, who she was cheating on less than 4 months after all this). Funny how those people aren't friends with her anymore.

Making themselves look like they're great martyrs and their XH is the devil is par for the course. At least she is roping in her attorney, who will either get sick of her and fire her or will keep her on a narrow path leading toward court, even if she spews nonsense.

Always remember: BM can say whatever she wants, and threaten to take DH back to court whenever she wants. That doesn't mean what she says has any weight or merit. Doesn't make it less frustrating, but it tends to be far more bark than bite. You're playing the long game here.

Biostep7777's picture

That's the part that is frustrating. She lied in court saying DH didn't take the kids to sports and the judge believed her and ordered him to take them (which he laughed about because he always has and was even SS's coach) this was for a temporary hearing so of course we will have the huge amount of evidence to show when we go to the actual hearing but yeah...the judge did believe her lie with zero evidence. Everyone always says there needs to be evidence but apparently that's not the case sk now she thinks whatever she writes will be believed and she's probably right. Grrrrrr! 

tog redux's picture

BM here did this - and to us, some of the emails seemed crazy, because he hadn't done the things she said he'd done. He showed them to his attorney and he said to keep them out of court because they made DH look bad. Even the ones where she went on for a page ranting about the non-existent abuse during their marriage and all of these supposedly awful things he didn't actually do.

BM here is smart and articulate, she's a college professor, she looks really normal. She was able to convince just about everyone that DH was abusive and SS was afraid of him (including SS himself).  She put him private school and got them to agree to not allow him any information. He got the attorney involved, but it turns out that school had the right to do that, since it's private. They agreed to stop withholding information, but people would come by and stand near SS when they saw DH come in, it was awful. We later saw her essay for the school and she told them DH had abandoned her and SS, even though they had 50/50 at the time!

Don't underestimate the ability of a smart female narcissist who can cry on cue to convince people that the other parent is dangerous. Even though DH regularly showed up at the school, they still looked at him funny the whole time SS was there.

 

Biostep7777's picture

Yep!! How could they keep the emails out of court?? If she wanted to show them she could right? 

tog redux's picture

 DH wanted to introduce them to show how she treated him. She never did. Her ace in the hole was getting SS to lie about DH and to say he wanted more time with her, which he did consistently. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

There definitely is a difference between a smart HCBM and a dumb one. The smart ones can get a court to do whatever they want. The dumb ones, it's hit and miss. Unfortunately, there is just little that can be done besides gather evidence and present the best case possible. 

simifan's picture

I remember being livid about the lies BM would say/write. When we went to court, the judge ignored it all & basically said it was "parenting differences" and not relevant. ExH threw that in her face everytime, "SD is not being hurt or abused. These are parenting differences" was a fairly consistent response after that. BM stopped when she wasn't getting the attention she wanted with her litany of complaints. 

Biostep7777's picture

I wish our judge did this but she blindly believed her lies with literally ZERO evidence. She claimed DH didn't take the kids to their activities. He absolutely did and also coached. She believed her and ordered DH to take them. Which he akeatshad. It was very upsetting. I mean he laughed about it because he always takes them anyway so it wasn't a big deal to be orders to do it but the upsetting part was the judge blindly believing her. That's why this is so upsetting!