Right now, your BF and BM are functioning as if Dad is just away on a prolonged business trip.... and he sounds are much as a man who misses his children and intens to be very involved with them and their daily life.

While face timing daily with his children is fine (short an simple depending on their ages), something you said seems off to me. You are planning to move in with him in October (which is in a few weeks), but not planning to tell the children Dad and you are officially together until Spring of 2019. 

Does this mean Dad has no physical visitation between now and next spring? What "schedules" are there to talk about between BM and Dad if there is no exchanges going on?  And if you meant the kid's daily schedules along with mundane happenings such as school an swimming lessons, I'd think a once week email 'newsletter' type communication between parents would be sufficient. The kiddies can tell Dad their selves during their face time sessions followed up on a once a week adult types conversation when needed. 

With a weekly email, BM can lay out any issues with the kid's studies, any upcoming appointments, discuss any mutual decision necessities (such as extra curricular activity funding). 

No GF/SO/DW wants to spend her late afternoon fighting for the attention of her partner with a phone. Regardless of who is on the other end. Parents do have to communicate, but no, it certainly doesn't have to be by phone nor does it have to be daily. If these two want to 'chat' daily, why not him just move back and cease the supposed separation of their marriage? 

There really is no answer to 'how much communication should they have'. As communication needs can vary between circumstances. Example, a very sick child one week. But if BM and Dad have decided to end their marriage and move on , they need to be learning to handle their individual homes and lives. Not constantly checking with and chatting. Parents have to co-parent, but divorced parents must be able to handle the children and the daily life on their time basically on their own (except for decision making issues , emergency issues and other type situations where mutual agreements are needed). 

Yeah, I am sure your BF is in withdraws from his regular 'use to be' . He use to see his kids, for example, before he moved for his job x and x amount of time. He use to know every detail of their daily life when he was not separated from BM. 

But that is no where he any longer is. He has chosen to divorce. He has chosen to transfer locations for his job. He has chosen to start a new relationship with another woman and include this new lady into his life. But he is still lingering back in his old relationship, both emotionally and legally (still married). 

It may be best to delay your move in until some of this has played out. He may not be ready to give you the focus due you as a new partner about to move in. He needs to sort out what his boundaries are and will be between his ex , his children and his daily home life. 

He is still trying to figure out how it's going to work. But I also think he is perfectly capable of saying "hey, we are right in the middle of something can I text you or call you back at such and such time." There's a balance that needs to be found and there is always a middle ground.

Yet.  FaceTiming with his kids is normal.  Excess texting with BM is not good.  When people devorice, and get into a new relationship,  thing has to change. A once or twice text is enough.  There should be thing is place. To not have to text or talk each day.   He has to be finish with his relationship with EX before moving on to a new relationship.  What doesn’t seem like it’s the case 

I find the difference between being with kids full time and interfacing with them in a NCP/Visitation situation to be interesting.

If they are with you and are bugging the crap out of you you just tell them to be quiet, go away and leave me alone for a few minutes.  SInce the advent of smart phones kids are more invasive when they are not with you than they are when they are with you.

The seemingly constant FaceTime, texting, instagram, picture sharing is nauseatingly invasive IMHO.  If I were an NCP... I think I would limit any com with my kids or X to specific times periodically.  I have way more going on in my life than just interfacing with kids.  Kids have their time and their place and it has to be managed just like anything else.

While kids are a part of life, they are not life and should not be allowed to consume a parent's life or a marriage.

While we had SS-26 full time from age 15mos until he shipped off to USAF BMT at 18 (with the exception of his SpermClan visitations ) and for all practicable purposes we were a "normal" family somehow my bride and I managed to raise him, build an incredible life together, stay connected as husband and wife, lovers, & friends, build successful careers, stay close to family and friends, etc... without him being the kid that ate our lives.  When he was on SpermLand visitation we spoke to him once a week.  While we wanted to make sure he knew we were thinking of him we also enjoyed our non kid time.  We did not interfere in his SpermClan time.  The SpermClan rarely called so we returned the favor when SS was on visitation.

This isn't rocket science folks.  If anything about living a blended family marriage is not working... change it.   Kids should not consume their parent's lives and for sure should not take priority over the marriage/relationship at the heart of the family, blended or not..

As for communication between CPs and NCPs.... short and to the point is best.  I really couldn't care less about the daily administrivia that went on in the blended family oppositions lives.  Even when SS was with them.  As long as they were caring for him adequately and not loading him up with toxic crap I couln't give a shit.  When they overstepped, we smacked them.    We did not share school stuff with them, medical stuff (except bills and an FYI when he ate a curb crashing on his bike and knocked out his front teeth or broke his arm playing on a playscape) only because they basically didn't give a shit.

Set the standards of notification that you demand, enforce it, and bring the pain for noncompliance. Just like anything else.  Bring the pain for overstepping as well.  Don't allow either Skids or the opposition to eat your life.

IMHO of course.

Is your BF divorced yet?  If not, have he and/or his wife filed for one? I would tread lightly until the divorce is final or at least well under way.  

As for the communication, my SO communicated with his ex a LOT during their separation and soon after their divorce. They were still feeling things out in this new situation and they were (and are) still friendly.  I forced him to put up better boundaries after we'd been dating a few months (she'd had the same boyfriend since immediately after she left him, but I guess the communication didn't bother him).  No way could I put up with the constant communication. 

Finally, what is he going to tell the kids about the woman who is living in his home?  Is he going to lie to them about your relationship? Not say anything?  My SO didn't present me as a girlfriend to his young kids when we were first dating (I hung out with all of them but was just Daddy's friend). Once we were spending a lot of nights together he told them, though, because even the 2 year old could have figured it out.  Kids are smarter than you think, and they don't like being lied to.

I would want to wait before moving in to see how this sort of lands -- it might become the thing that breaks you up if you already feel uncomfortable with the dynamic and you aren't even living with him yet.

Facetiming with the kids every night seems excessive. How will that work when you're on vacation? Really busy? When the kids are older and their own schedules come into play?

It seems a lot of divorced parents want to give kids the impression that "nothing has changed." But it has changed greatly. Trying to give the kids the illusion that both parents are "there" when they aren't means real life takes a backseat and anyone not part of the original family will be put aside to maintain the illusion. It's false. It breeds resentment in the SO.

Maybe he's keeping in close contact because it's just the first year. That's fine, but it doesn't give you and him much room to have a regular relationship outside of his kids and ex. It also means more contact between him and his ex while they work out how things will be in the long term.

I also wonder how the kids will feel when they find out he has a live-in they haven't heard about until you're already living with him. Those kids have had a lot of change in a year -- is it fair to sort of dump you on them without any warning that you're in a relationship? Why not do some things as a group before you're living there so everyone has time to digest a new person in their lives? Also, you don't want the kids to think you're the reason their parents broke up. Give them some chances to realize you're part of his life, but then they can go home and digest that. If you're in their second home, that doesn't give them much space to get used to the idea.

My husband never told his daughter that he was dating. When we became serious and she heard my voice on his answering machine, she flipped out and didn't speak to him for a year or two. I had no idea the kid was unaware of him dating. But suddenly, I was the evil intruder and in 20 years, that label hasn't changed. It has not been good.

That's why I suggest waiting to move in. There's no rush if the relationship is solid, but rushing could sink it with the kids and, trust me, that will sink your relationship.

I agree with the others in that it sounds like they are still figuring out how to coparent. This will evolve in time. Especially as he and BM both move into new relationships that are more long term. The fact that they are willing to work together for the kids is a good thing though!!

I  don't think kids need to meet every person that their parents date, but 8 months is a significant amount of time. He should probably start announcing you in his life. Is he sheilding you and the kids or is he sheilding BM? 

Also, once the divorce is finalized the visition schedule will become more concrete and that will cut down on communication as well and give you guys some time to focus on your relationship. 

Even if you have known your BF and kids, the blended family is a world beyond the bounds of comfortable familiarity. "It lies between the pit of woman's fears and the summit of her knowledge. This is the dimension of insanity. It is an area which we call the Step Zone." 

A calendar announcement date isn't the key to cushioning how the kids and ex will react to another woman in DH's life. It's just a point in time. Wounds from divorce do not abide by the clock. A year post divorce is still the "rebound" period.  BE VERY CAREFUL.  Reconsider what YOU really want in life and your expectations before it gets stirred and muddled with instant "cup 'o step family."  Ex and skid issues can smother the romantic fire like nothing else.

He's still living "the first family life" even though he's distanced. For just a minute, imagine what it would be like if first family lived only a mile away. How would that change the dynamic?  "You're entering another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of messed up minds. A journey into a land whose boundaries are continually broken. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Step Zone!"  Despite his ex and kids being geographically parted, you will have to contend with the "first family." For many SMs, it turns into the role of "baggage carrier."  Was that in the job description? 

If I could tell women who enter into relationship with a DH anything, it would be TAKE YOUR TIME, consider every aspect of what you are getting into, and make sure YOU/YOUR RELATIONSHIP are priority.  You haven't been introduced to the kids as his "girlfriend" because "it's too soon." Hint, hint, hint..."TOO SOON." Already, the truth is taking a back seat to "how it will impact the kids and ex." The ex is texting and BF is FTiming the kids on a routine, daily schedule while the two of you are together? You're already asking questions about how much time is appropriate because you are already feeling the stirrings of discord - time with YOU (this early in a distance relationship should be focused on YOU!)

Voice your discomfort to your BF. Be completely honest from the start. If he holds your best interest at heart and relationship has a solid foundation, he will listen with a caring ear and work with you on a solution.  Both of you need to prioritize YOUR relationship. Accept no other deal. 

I agree with SayNo. He’s not incorporating you into his life because he doesn’t have closure with his ex. He doesn’t care if his enmeshment with his ex and his first family might impact his chances with you. You’re letting him have his cake and eat it too. Since you’ve let this go in for so long it will be hard to change. There will be a long hard transition when you start setting boundaries. How old are the kids?

Coparenting does not require daily texts. Move BM to email. Kids get one phone or iPad that they use to communicate with bioparents and it is used for that purpose only. All logistics are done over email.