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BM Always Late

cbc8171's picture

I realize a few minutes here and there is not a big deal and I should pick and choose my battles. That has been noted.

However, BM is consistently late. Sometimes 15 minutes, sometimes it's 30 minutes. A few times, it's been more than 30 minutes.

SOMETIMES she gives a courtesy call. Most of the times she doesn't.

Their court order had to be changed because of his work schedule, so SHE drops off on Friday and HE brings them home on Sunday evening. There is nothing that says an amount of time that needs to be given as a courtesy as far as punctuality. The only thing I can find is this:

" The time schedule of the children should be observed STRICTLY. Any parent who will be late for parenting time should call the other parent leaving word as to the reason for lateness and the estimated new time."

In the year that I've been witnessing these drop offs, she has only been on time ONCE. And I am not exaggerating.

I've just been documenting each instance and what was said and what was communicated just in case it is needed.

Other than that, we have resorted to texting her Friday afternoon to remind her of the drop off time and to please be mindful of the kids' time with him.

Any other suggestions? Have any of you gone through this? Should we say/do anything else?

Thanks so much!!!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Set a record of text. "Hey I'm here where are you?" "Hey it's been 30 minutes still don't know when you'll be here."

Then if you want go to court for contempt you can. She is impacting his parenting time and that's not allowed.

twoviewpoints's picture

As long as it doesn't go longer than 15-20 minutes, I would not be too excited about it. An annoyance for sure, but as long as you know she is this way Dad can work around it. If she is to be there at 5pm , don't make dinner plans until six. LOL.

The first time something like being late for a ballgame or whatever activity the kids may be in, they will nag and whine to BM on their own.

Traffic, a dilly dally kid, anything can make a parent run a few minutes behind. But with that said, it can work the other way too. Dad can start taking the kids back home to BM 15-20 minutes late. Being this is her routine, she isn't going to run to court and squeal. It might also make her think harder about getting herself to your home on time.

Strict? I think you'll be hard pressed to make a 10-15-20 minute delay in arrival appear out of bounds. An hour. Would be considered an 'up yours, whatcha gonna do about it' in your face disregard without a call and explanation. A few minutes? Not so much.

Dad can approach her about the regular tardiness and inform her it perhaps puts a hardship on your household. Ask her to speed it up. But if she has a genuine reason (example, by the time she gets home herself, gathers kids, zips through traffic she's really trying), nothing is really going to be done in court about it except perhaps set the exchange time later than it is now. Is Dad willing to spend more court money over a few minutes?

cbc8171's picture

You're right. I understand everything you're saying here. It's just SO DAMN ANNOYING. Smile
thanks for the perspective.

sunshinex's picture

It's very annoying! We meet half-way for pickups/dropoffs and it's a 5 hour distance between us. BM was ALWAYS showing up late and I'm someone with a busy schedule who plans ahead and gets places on time. She would show up half an hour or an hour late, which would throw us way off because we would often make plans in the area we do the exchange because we don't go there often. I started doing the same thing to her. I'd show up over an hour late and she'd whine that she was going to be late for work or whatever because of it... It only took twice before she started showing up exactly on time.

Maybe pick a meeting spot and do the same? Show up late every time, screw up HER schedule and see how she likes it.

skatermom's picture

There is really not much you can do about this. I do like the idea of DH dropping her off late on Sunday, but like most DHs, he probably doesn't want to "make waves"

cbc8171's picture

You're right. He doesn't really wanna make waves. BUT... dropping them off late would be in her favor. She does whatever she can to make sure she has as little time with those kids: activities, sitters, yada yada yada. So showing up 15 minutes late would be like a mini vacation to her.

we will just keep hounding her until she stops. I have a feeling she won't like the texts of reminder on a consistent basis. She also HATES when we reference the paperwork-- so we will have to maybe throw that in there that according to the paper work, his time starts at 5:30.

I guess what's really annoying about it all is that she acts as though nothing is wrong. She never apologizes or anything. it's so nonchalant, willy nilly.

I've had my fair share of tardies to certain places and I ALWAYS apologize even if it was traffic or something NOT in my control. IT'S JUST RESPECTFUL.

ugh. i can't stand her. lol Smile Thanks for letting me vent!!!!!

SM12's picture

I had that issue with BM. The SS's were coming to our house after school everyday and BM was to pick them up on her way home (this was NOT my idea and I was NOT happy about it) BM usually came straight after work and picked the kids up no later than 4 pm. Then it started getting later and later and later. There were a few times she actually made ME late meeting my XH to drop off my BS to him. And my XH and I each had to drive 45 minutes to the agreed location. BM never once called or text saying she was going to be late. Finally one day she did it again...she was nearly an hour late. She would always pull in the drive, honk and the kids would run out the door leaving all their mess behind.

I finally text her and asked her if she could please give me notice if she was going to be late as I have obligations as well and there are times I am being late due to the boys note being picked up. That started a WAR!!! I was berated by BM and her SO telling me I hate the SS's and don't want them around.
I replied that I was only asking for the same respect and consideration you would give a apparently she cannot do that. And because she can't provide me with that respect, she can find other arrangements for the SS's after school. Case closed.

Now I am all for being flexible...but down right rude?? NO!! I give the same respect I get.

cbc8171's picture

I respect this perspective.

Our BM gets sooooo mad like that too.

one time after she was 25 minutes late, my DH texted her and said, "please be mindful of my time with the kids. If you're going to be late like that the LEAST you could do is apologize." Her next text was "i apologize." but i know she was just saying it to appease him.

anytime we call her out on something she flips her lid and has to remind us of any time we've messed up or anything we "have been doing" that she has not yet brought to our attention.

She got so mad at my DH for telling her no more phone calls and only texts/emails.... she told him that he was "refusing to communicate with her." She said, "fine, I'll get a court order to do "our family wizard" and then we can communicate through that."

We knew she was full of shit so we said, lets do it on our own. we'll pay for our half and you pay for yours.... she all of a sudden didn't want to do it.

So her being late is just icing on the cake. If she wanted to be workable and was nice and kind then I wouldn't mind a few minutes here and there...hell, i wouldn't mind if it were every week-- but she's a jerk and only cares about herself.

This is the same woman that gave us shit because we forced her to exercise parenting time on Mother's day.... which falls on our time, but according to the paper work it's her time with the kids..... and she threw a fit..... eff her. Smile

sorry about that rant. it's nice to know that we are not alone.

cbc8171's picture

it's just the principle. Scratch our back and we'll scratch yours. You wanna be a jerk and hard to work with? then we can go by the what the paperwork says to a T. problem solved. There are no favors in this house.