You are here

Biomom interrogates and records SK

OneData455's picture
Forums: 

Hi everyone, it has been hard lately. In past couple months I learned all the lies the BM was spreading about me. SO checked his kids phones and found they were synchronized with her ex's photo. Young kids had access to all that inappropriate info, that maybe is not my business, except a video where she interrogates her 6yo about me, if I spank my own son or not, and she saying she never saw that but think I did. I really did it sometimes when he was totally out of control. But now I feel watched. They FaceTime every night every other week and walk with that camera all over the house, to my room, restroom and etc. they have been asked to chat from their room but they just keep forgetting. These video calls last about an hour. I cannot talk, we should stop all our activities, no music. I became paranoid if I yell at my son she is recording that and who knows what is doing with that info. I cannot feel safe in my place. They call about bed time and I can't put me son in bed and he knows that. I am looking for rentals to move out, since my man says prohibiting video calls will make kids resent me, and is not willing to change anything. 

notarelative's picture

my man ... is not willing to change anything. 

This is your main problem. There is no way these kids should be walking about throughout the video nightly for an hour on FaceTime.

Does your man FaceTime the kids for an hour nightly when they are with BM? Do the kids walk around BM's house and into her room while on FaceTime? I could be wrong, but my guess is that BM would not allow it.

OneData455's picture

Yes they do that at her house. Because she lives alone and has her relationships the weeks kids are not there. She works from home, wake up late and finish early, she doesn't care. But we wake up at 5, I wake up at 4 sometimes. And after they are picked up from school at 6pm we have only 2-3 hours to do dinner, homework, bath. It is ridiculous.   I cannot pick them up. I am allowed to be with them at home alone only for 2 hours and was threatened this time being taken away.  

CastleJJ's picture

Does your man have a CO? If not, he needs one. No way BM can dictate what you do with his kids during his parenting time. She doesn't get to decide if you are alone with them for longer than 2 hours or not and she can't threaten to take that time away. Also, these kids do not need to Facetime for 1 hour every night... that is 7 hours of parenting time Dad is losing while his kids are there. 10-15 minutes a night, fine, or heck even better 30 minutes twice per week. And NO these kids do not need to be giving BM a house tour on Facetime. You all need boundaries. This BM seems over the top controlling. 

Your man needs to grow a pair and put this woman in her place. If he won't, maybe he is better off being in a relationship with her. 

OneData455's picture

It is stated in their divorce docs that nobody can stay with kids except grandparents that are written in there, and people they approve (like nanny). So her allowing me to stay with them for 2 hours is a big deal. During COVID they had a teacher at home the whole year here. I believe she was spying on me and one last day that I disciplined one of the kids she reported it to biomom. Before that happened I asked him to set bondaries with the nanny. He didn't say anything. She ended up dating biomom's brother. I apologize I just feel so awful right now. I am a foreigner and I don't know what expect from people here. Will she call a police on me if I yell at somebody? 
The court ruled "kids need daily reasonable communication with other parent". They let kids decide what and how that will be. What we are going to do or eat. They are sooo entitled.. I live here but I feel like I don't belong here.

CastleJJ's picture

This divorce decree sounds absolutely ridiculous and it sounds like your SO needs to go back to court for some revisions. I have heard of clauses that limit 3rd parties, but it usually doesn't apply to the SO of the parent, especially when you live with him. Sounds like BM wanted that in there out of control and your SO likely caved and allowed it. Yes, the courts allow "reasonable communication" with the other parent, but I think 1 hour every night is a bit excessive. I think your SO needs to consult an attorney to make some changes to the original decree. If he isn't willing or doesn't see a problem with this arrangement, he isn't worth your time. 

notarelative's picture

I am amazed BM allows it. Then, my take is that they are both fools. Hour long, roam the house,  FaceTime calls every day are ridiculous.

 

Winterglow's picture

Then stop doing anything at all for the kids. You're not allowed? Well, what a shame, your SO is going to have to find another solution for his child care. Hopefully, once the going gets tough for him, he'll find his balls and start standing up to his ex and parenting his kids. Not your problem. 

Mamabearof3's picture

The kids mom shouldn't be so involved in your home. Make them sit in the same place while talking. Maybe plug their device in so they can't "forget" and start wandering. Put your kids to bed when you chose to. Don't let the child sit on the phone in that room. Sit them somewhere and tell them the iPad or phone or whatever can't come off the charger. 

SteppedOut's picture

I agree with you, definately move out into your own home. Being in a relationship shouldn't be this uncomfortable. Add to that, your guy isn't even willing to try changing things.

 

Rags's picture

Two things.  They turn their phones into Dad when they arrive and do not get them back until they leave.  Spies are shot when they are caught in many countries.  Shooting not being an option for Skid Spies, they lose their phones until they leave. End of problem.

Or a fun option.

Diablo

If they will keep their phones, start seasoning the home with photo shopped receipts for expensive jewelry, expensive vacation itineraries, new car orders, etc , etc, etc... You can even buy designer product boxes and bags from people who have bought products.  For some reason people collect Channel shopping bags, designer shoe boxes, etc, etc, etc.....  Make it so enticing that the Spy Skids can't miss it and will feed it all to the Toxic Womb Donor spy master.

When she freaks, potentially tries to leverage that bullshit you can honestly and with a straight face say... "I don't know what you are talking about, we have none of those things and never have bought any of those things."

shellpell's picture

MOVE OUT. Sounds like hell. Why subject yourself and you child to this? Not normal at all. 

shamds's picture

Respect no boundaries since bio mum has none. They reported everything to bio mum about us "what we wore, said, did, went etc" even my kids who were 1 & 2.5 sd's reported back to bio mum and stepdad (they guy biomum hooked up with) while still married to my husband before he separated from her and was sole income earner of their household.

stepdad believes all the lies biomum says and hasn't figured out she is actively covertly hiding assets from him because warning signs are up he's likely gonna divorce her as she's a horrible miserable person.

you can't control how others operate but can control yourself. So in refusing to attend any events or functions/outings sd's will be at, there is nothing to report back to bio mum. Frankly I don't torture myself with their presence. 

that said, if your husband has lost his balls, nothing will change. It took my husband a year plus after setting firm boundaries and refusing any meets with skids (sd's non negotiable) which my hubby thought i would give another chance and cave in, to realise I meant business

the usual "oh but they apologised" or "why not start a blank slate" is no more. Their apology was to dad if they upset me or said/did anything wrong when it was bloody obvious how out of line they were. A blank slate and empty apologies mean nothing when your actions/inactions speak volumes!!

my husband finally early last yr told his eldest daughter who was 25 that she needed to remember her place as his daughter, that she was not in a superior position or level with me. What i say goes!! What i say regarding my 2 kids, goes!! There is no sd's answering back or mummying my kids. 
there is also no non stop rants of bio mum and stepdad. My husband made is crystal clear she was his exwife and remarried since 11 yrs prior and therefore irrelevant to my husband or our household. My husband made it crystal clear he hd no care or concerns for her as she was stepdads problem and responsibility to deal with and he never wanted to hear again of anything about her.

the result was sulking from sd as usual because daddy made it crystal clear exwife is irrelevant and i am his wife, his current and future!!

until you have firm boundaries and this is hubby's responsibility to be the middleman as the ex is his problem to manage whatever discrepancies and inconsistencies are in your household values and exwife's, he needs to man up and take ownership pf it. 

Winterglow's picture

"In past couple months I learned all the lies the BM was spreading about me"

Try to stop caring. If anyone asks you about something she said about you, smile indulgently and say "yes, she does seem to have a very active imagination."

"They FaceTime every night every other week and walk with that camera all over the house, to my room, restroom and etc. they have been asked to chat from their room but they just keep forgetting."

OK, so that stops immediately. When you see them leave their room, send them back. No negotiation. The rule is that they call their mother from the privacy of their own room. If they can't do that then the phone will be confiscated until the end of their visitation. I think you might find that the calls become shorter if they're stuck in their bedrooms for their duration. Your life shouldn't have to stop because their mother is a nosey besom. 

"my man says prohibiting video calls will make kids resent me, and is not willing to change anything."

So he'd rather cater to his spoiled spawn than make you feel comfortable and happy in your own home? Definitely find your own place to stay. Your partner clearly doesn't understand what being a parent is about (i.e. being responsible, setting rules, using discipline). Time to tell him how unattractive it is to watch a grown man pander to a kid's whims ... a real turn off. His goal is to be liked - how pathetic is that? whe he should be more invested in helping them grow up into decent adults ... 

How old are these kids anyway?

Rags's picture

When the toxic opposition lies about you, counter it with the truth and facts about them.  Every sordid embarrassing detail.  
 

Arrest records, adultery,etc.....

Diablo

hereiam's picture

They FaceTime every night every other week and walk with that camera all over the house, to my room, restroom and etc

I just would not allow this. If your SO will not put a stop to it, than you do it and direct them back to their room every.single.time.

FaceTiming for an hour every night is excessive, unnecessary, and intrusive.

I think getting your own place is the right thing to do, for yourself AND your son.