Authoritative/idealist
This situation is so frustrating. My husband and I are more authoritative in the fact that if an adult is talking it's time for the child to stop talking and listen. We don't tolerate back talk. His ex is a type of person that as soon as you have an edge in your voice she says if you talk to talk to me like that I'm not going to have a conversation with you. She has taught her kids to do the same. So now they do it with us. It's a horrible combination. The kids talk to us like they're the adults. They're 12 and 14. It is so infuriating I cannot even put it into words. It isIt is a constant power struggle, with her always feeding them that they are equal to adults.
Last Friday my step-son was talking back and actually yelling back for a good 20 minutes. My husband told him to go to his room over and over before he finally smacked him on the back of the head. This never happens, but it did the other night. This kid goes and reports him. Family Services called my husband yesterday and we are expecting them to show up anytime with the police to to investigate.
I wish this boy would just move in with his mother. I cannot stand him anymore. My husband will probably never go for it but if I never saw that kid again it would be a huge relief. It's a struggle to get him to do anything other than play his video games. The older it gets the less likely I see him doing anything other than living in someone's basement and I'm sick of pouring my energy into this person who does nothing but give me attitude and heartache in return.
Last Friday my step-son was
This appears to be a page right out of the COD Handbook, the more I read of these vacuous reports being made to Family Services. And who plants the seed in the mind of a minor that such agency exists in the first place?
It does appear to be a difference in parenting, but it shouldn’t result in such combativeness, you’re correct. And it will probaby get worse before it gets better if your DH plans to pull in the reins.
My OSS does the same thing.
My OSS does the same thing. He always interrupts me when I am talking to my DH. He has no respect for anyone. My DH has never put his hands on him simpy because he is afraid that BM or SS will call CPS. I am sorry that you are going through this. I pray that it works out for you and your DH. It is truly sad when parents actually try to discipline their kids only for them to get in trouble because of it. This makes my stomach turn.
Same
My step kids are the same way! (12 and 14). They think they are adults and call my husband by his first name. One time my husband spanked the 12 y/o and he complained to BM. She called the police and the police called my husband for a "wellness check". My husband explained what happened and the officer apologized to my husband for having made the call and told him that he was well within his parental rights. Now kids don't want to see him and she has filed a suit to change the court order and the kids are going to go tell the judge that my husband is abusive. I think your way of parenting is going to raise a more productive member of society. Don't give in to the pressure. You and your husband should stand your ground. I read the book "stepmonster" with my husband. helped our relationship so much and opened his eyes to what was really going on. Sorry you are going through that.
That book is great!
That book is great!
Hopefully it’ll blow over.
Over here in my world, the crazy BM at one point threw her eldest daughter (who was 13 or14 at the time) into a full length mirror, breaking it (although thankfully she wasn’t hurt)as well as smacked the girl around, all in front of a friend who was spending the night and got to witness everything. The daughter called my SO in fear and tears (she and her friend had fled the house before calling).
My SO called the police to ask them to do a wellness check, then headed out at 11 pm to make the hour drive to BMs house, expecting to bring at least the eldest daughter back.
The police were there when he arrived, and told him as long as there were no bruises they considered it ‘discipline’ and if the BM didn’t give him permission, he couldn’t take her back to our place. (The police had called the other girl’s parents, so she was gone by the time he got there).
Anyway, we learned then it takes more than a beating, witnessed and confirmed to the police in NJ to get any action. BM also now knows what the limits are (although she also had a domestic violence call where the cops came out when she destroyed her then boyfriends computer, which all the skids witnessed).
Hopefully, in your instance the police will also look at what your husband did as discipline as well.
Moving forward please consider
not being alone with the kids. Depending how the investigation turns out, they may learn that making false complaints will get them want they want. If you have your own children in the home you run the risk of having them removed while the investigation takes place.
What do I do with this
What do I do with this resentment?? I'm filled with it. I dislike this 14 year old as much as a grown man.
Last week my husband was out shopping 3 nights looking for the right x box for this kid (before the incident). Part of me wishes he actually would be taken into state care for 6 months or so for him to see no one else is going to run all over for his video games, or do much else for him. Hes so entitled.
This has my blood pressure up!
Oh hell no. Actual abuse not withstanding... if a kid or an
X called CPS in my blended family situation ... it would be game on. Defamation suits, Fort Knox police supervised Skid handovers, abject misery for the Skid if he was the one who called and total financial, social, legal and community destruction of the SpermClan for pulling that crap.
I would make their lives a living hell of eternal abject misery until they gained clarity and towed the line. With the exception of DE corporal punishment is legal in all states for anyone acting in loco parentis so snowflake kids and the morons who generate them are on my proverbial hit list if that crap enters a situation I am part of. Don't get me wrong. I can count on less than one full hand the number of spankings I received growing up or SS received while he was growing up. But kids are not adults, they get squat for no say, they do what they are told when they are told, or they suffer the consequences of their crap. Screaming at a parent or other responsible adult... that would be as close to a fatal mistake that a kid could make IMHO.
Check your state here: kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp
This just chaps my ass to no end.
Grrrrrrr!
This.
This.
And next time SS wants to argue, end it IMMEDIATELY. Continuing to argue gives them the impression they are on your level. Have DH wrap his hand around the BACK of SS's neck, squeeze a bit, and propel him to his room. That's it, conversation over! It will hurt a very little, but SS will HATE being escorted. Put him in his place.
My kids learned right quick to come when I called and go to their rooms when they were told.
Equals?
Equals?
EQUALS?
As children, they don't have ANY responsibilities that adults do... BECAUSE THEY ARE CHILDREN.
Children don't have the cognitive ability that adulthood demands. Children don't have the financial ability to buy the toys they break in the store (I was told to keep my hands inmy pockets in most stores growing up - and as an adult, DW says the same thing when I'm in the hardware store LOL). Children don't know how to appropriately socialize as adults.
WHICH IS WHY
their parents are responsible for the things their kids mess up. Parents pay the bills. Parents are responsible for the things the kids break at the store or at the museum. When kids pop off and say stuff they aren't supposed to, parents are supposed to teach the kid to socialize correctly.
I hope I haven't come across as being on the fence about this.
Not to say you gotta beat the kid's arse, but if it takes a village to raise a kid, that sure AF includes a SParent. SKids and BioParents alike need to accept reasonable intent by SParents. If they want your help, they must accept your perspective - otherwise you'll be repeating THEIR mistakes, and that does no good.
So, when I'm told to talk to the hand, I disengage. Don't want my pretty good parenting skills coupled with firm but not hardcore parenting style? Cool, when I'm home, pretend I'm not here in all the other ways... someone cut their finger or you have a spider in the laundry room? Thing 1 needs a ride to baseball practice because you and his dad can't be there? Thing 2 wants a new TV like her brother has? Good luck with that.
THESE AREN'T KIDS! THEY ARE ADULTS IN TRAINING, and NO BOSS or PROFESSOR would tolerate that! Share that sentiment - it can't be repeated enough!
OmiGod...
I killed the thread.
Brilliant!!!
Brilliant!!!