You are here

You can't have a male friend when you are married? Is this true?

stepmom101's picture

Check this sh*t out okay.. I ran into a old friend online and we were chatting back and forth over the internet but sometimes we were missing eachother so I decided to give him my phone number to call me and yes of course, I told my husband about him and how we all use to hang out together and he was fine with it but oh no honey when he called the house the sob went bolistic. He came to my job and clowned called me a b and everything. I don't know about too many other women but I look at it like this, I wasn't born with four legs nor do I sleep around or whore around so I don't feel like I should be degraded as such so I called my mol (big mistake) I tell her what has gone on and she says that you're not ever suppose to give a man your phone number. Is this true? do you not talk to any males that you new as friends just because you are married? WTF? I need some feedback please quick fast and in a damn hurry because I am fed up with this marriage this disrespectful as man and all the drama that comes along with his family so someone please lend a sister some advice.

sugarbear01's picture

My saying is you are only cheating if you would not do it in front of your spouse. The fact you told him means you have nothing to hide. If he has issues, make sure the guilty is not accusing. Wish you the best of luck.

wornout's picture

In my opinion that is crazy. If you have been open and honest with him, and he has no reason (history) to not trust you, then there should be no problem with any kind of friendship you want with anyone.
One thing I have found is that when someone is pointing a finger at someone else, they have three pointed back at them. Maybe he doesn't feel like he could have a female friend or would want one for anything other than sex.
Well, don't know if that helped at all. If you're honest and open I don't think you've done anything wrong.

MagneticNorth's picture

I don't think it'd be very cool for a married woman to be spending alone time with another man either in person or on the phone. Nor would it be cool for a husband to be spending alone time on the phone or in person with another woman.

If a person wants to be single and act single, they could do that instead of marrying. In my experience, every time cheating has happened it has been when a 'trustworthy' partner starts to develope such relationships outside of marriage.

If you really want this 'other man' as your friend, how about having him bring a date & going out with you and your husband?

laughterandtears's picture

When you got married, did it say you were going to become a hermit and and blind as well? I would say your H has some serious issues with his self and security in your marriage if he is actind like that. I would laugh at him and tell him the same thing I told my husband 2 years ago, keep it up and there will be more guys calling this house than you can find in the phonebook. And MEAN IT!! If he wants to go, your better off without him anyway. Aren't you grown? Ya, so you don't a daddy telling you what to do. Good Luck!!! Love all my kids.

bettercockster's picture

So how long have you been divorced?

laughterandtears's picture

FYI, sugar, I've been married for a while now and I'll have you know that I have no more of these issues with my husband because unlike some people, he has matured in may areas! Blum 3


septembers_child's picture

My best friend has been my best friend for 26 years..My best friend is the only person on the planet that knows absolutley everything about me..We are extremely close and always have been..My best friend also just so happens to be male..

Hubby had a problem with it in the beginning when we were first daing he was very jealous..I told him flat out that my best friend is part of "my package" and if he made me choose between my best friend or him, he wouldn't like my choice..

My husband and my best friend do not like each other..And honestly, my best friend has very good reason's NOT to like my husband. My hubby was a real jerk to him in the beginning of our relationship..They have nothing nice to say about each other, so out of respect for me, they just don't say anything about each other at all.

If your not doing anything with your male friend that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse then their is nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex...Our spouse doesn't have a lisence to pick out friends..He is your spouse...not your warden..

BIOMOM's picture

He was okay with you talking to this man, and giving your phone# at first? THEN, he went ballistic? I don't get it.

For me, in these "oh so touchy" situations, I put myself in Tim's place. Would I like if he were conversing with a girl/woman/lady from his past? Would I care if he gave out his phone # to her? Even if it was "OUR" telephone #?

My answer: F#CK YEAH!!!! I would not like it one bit. Regardless of whether he was up front about it or not. But you see, Tim knows better than that.

I guess it depends on the type of person you are, and what kind of person your man is.

I'm just a flaming lunatic when it comes to jealousy. And so is Tim. Therefore, we don't travel in waters that we may drown it.


God, grant me the serenity,
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference...

smartredcookie2006's picture

My husband and I are extremely uncomfortable with opposite sex friendships outside of each other also, because of others doing us wrong in the past. But we each have them. The way we handled things were as follows, when I first moved in with him I explained to him any of his female friends I felt uncomfortable with. He had to get rid of one. One that he used to date. She was calling and e-mailing and Instant Messaging way too much so I wouldnt move in with that going on. Without hesitation, he told her not to call or contact him anymore. He also told me he was uncomfortable with this guy that was a friend of mine that had wanted a relationship with me for several years but I kept saying no so I ended that too. I told him about the other 2 males and every time one of them calls, I made it a point to only answer the phone if he is around to hear the conversation until he felt better about it. He did the same for me. All of these things without asking. Once, he made a comment about one of the guys and that he didnt like it....The guy had a crush on me when we were like 12 but not I told him that, although this guy's friendship was important to me because we had been friends for so long, if it meant hurting his feelings, then it would be over....and he thought about it for a few minutes (realizing he was still the most important man in my life) and said it was ok...we have not had any problems since. His female friend even comes to stay here sometimes when she is in town. (Not the one he used to date but one that he was friends with her and her husband since his Navy days). He makes it a point never to be alone with her and to always include me. That makes all the difference. What also makes a difference is that she includes me. She has made a huge effort to be very respectful and sweet to me even though she was very good friends with my husband's ex-wife. It is a very delicate balance. And though your mother in law isnt totally corect about not giving out your number while you are married, you definately have to be willing to give up friendships if that is what your husband needs to feel secure. However, that only works if it goes both ways. You shouldnt be giving up everything for someone that doesnt treat you right. My husband treats me like I was made from gold. So giving up some friendships along the way was never an issue. Life is too short to be unhappy sister!!!

Stacey D

OldTimer's picture

boy would I be in trouble! All my friends are MALE! LOL. My DH doesn't have a problem, because truthfully, there isn't a problem. We are just as we are, friends and good friends at that. When I met my DH, my best friend was a male, and well... quite protective of me, but we were never never 'romantic' or 'intimate'. It's more of brother/sister.

So, in my humble opinion, when others over react, it's because most often they are insecure about something. Either they feel inferior, as if something they lack you are seeking in someone else. Or they lack the security and confidence in them selves.

I also had a friend once tell me, people who accuse others of cheating simply because, often are cheaters themselves doing so out of their own guilt.

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

BIOMOM's picture

Perhaps I am a cheater.....if only in my mind.......

Does that count for a guilty conscience? LOL Wink


God, grant me the serenity,
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference...

OldTimer's picture

No, I mean physically cheating.... hell- mentally... may I burn in hell.... I doooooooo looooovvvvveeeeee my dreams!

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

BIOMOM's picture

Her hubby went INTO their relationship knowing all of her friends were mostly male. Either he accepted it and continued their relationship, or he had to move on.......

He opted to continue to the relationship and be secure enough to know she loves only him in that...uh....oh, so romantic way!

And good for him! Some men might have accepted her friends UNTIL they got married. THEN he might have drew a few lines. But obviously secure with SM, he's just a good egg! :) God, grant me the serenity,
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference...

Anne 8102's picture

I haven't maintained contact with any former male friends, but I haven't really maintained contact with many old female friends, either. We've moved a lot, I'm busy with the kids, marriage crap and family stuff, and there just plain isn't a lot of time or opportunity for that on my end. We both agreed when we got married that we wouldn't maintain contact with any former boyfriends or girlfriends because it just made sense to us both, but I don't think either of us would have a problem with casual contact with a co-worker or friend of the opposite sex, though, as long as no boundaries are crossed. If you find yourself baring your soul to a "friend" of the opposite sex and you can't do the same with your spouse, then I think there's a problem. A lot depends upon the context. And of course, my own personal rule is that if doing something that hurts my spouse more than it would hurt me to stop doing it, then I'm going to choose the path that causes him the least amount of pain/anxiety.

~ Anne ~

Nothing can come of nothing.
(Shakespeare, King Lear)

Bonus Wife's picture

The past is the past....I have no reason to "stay in touch" with old male friends - for what? To rehash summer of '79 and have a few laughs about it? I have my memories. I'd never risk doing anything that makes my hubby feel threatened or jealous or whatever if I can help it. If hubby isn't the one I can turn to for things, I turn to my female sisters...I dont' care if it's right, wrong, or me or DH is labeled insecure, etc. Just doesn't matter. I choose DH's feelings.

OldTimer's picture

the fact that I worked in a predominate male environment, grew up a Tom Boy, and was a marine.... go figure.

Also, my DH is very confident in our relationship. Well, we both are, and he does have some female friends. I'm not the jealous type either, so I think that has a lot to do with it too. To me, it's a psychological thing. I don't have a problem with my DH going to some strip club for a bachelor party, or hell... out with the boys... I encourage it.... (ggrrrr, all the better when he comes home...) (hmmm.... maybe I should send him out tonight?) I just am very confident in that department, and so is he. No reason to question otherwise.

I don't get bent out of shape if he looks at another women, half the time he doesn't even notice that I notice- LOL. I just smile and chuckle. Come on- He's a man! (And well, I'm a women... so hell yeah I notice that sly handsome fox eying me across the room... makes me feel like a woman damn it! lol)

I don't worry about him 'leaving' me, or 'looking elsewhere', even though, yes, we may have a few bumps here and there, but I know that I'm really centered in his world and he is in mine. We both have had our fair share of troubled relationships that we just don't care to repeat.

The other way I look at it is... you CHOSE your partner, you have the ultimate control over that... no one else. If you find it hard to trust in your partner, the one that you chose, then you really aren't being honest with yourself.

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

skye22's picture

This combo has never worked for me. In fact I was in a relationship for 3 years when I last tried the 'just friends' thing. I ended up dumping boyfriend and marrying hubby Smile I think love forms of friendship and you do not need to be 'looking' for more or a whore to fall into it. Just my thoughts Smile

happy's picture

the other persons shoes.. Would you be happy if an old Girl friend was calling him? Its one thing to run into people you went to school with and talk and stuff. But I know I was not to happy about 2 weeks ago when an ex gf called my husband. Its not that he cheated is gonna cheat its about respecting the other person. I am not saying that you and this man shouldn't talk, what I am saying is turn the tables and really think how you would feel? I will say by reading the end of your post, that there are obviously other issues going on in your marriage. You said you are fed up, and I agree he could have used nicer words to speak to you about this. I mean calling you names and driving to your place of employment is wrong? I would certainly be really pist off if my husband called me any of those names.. Period.. Its also called respect.

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

stepmom101's picture

First, I would have to say that I love my husband with all of my heart and would never put another man before him because I feel that he is my soul mate. I share everything with him so therefore, I feel that he does the same. If I truly thought it would have caused problems it would have never happened. No, I don't talk to the friend from my past daily, weekly, or monthly for that matter. He just found me on the net and said what's up and asked for the number to call and quite honestly we haven't talked since that chat. As far as pouring my heart out, I only do that to two people:my husband, and God. Cheating and the thought of cheating only dwells in the hearts of those who are sincerely cheaters in which I am not. So, long story short I don't feel bad about it and my husband hasn't mentioned it anymore and for those of you who feel that because you are married you can't speak to anyone that you knew from your past that is male because you are married I have this to say to you: WHAT ARE YOU HIDING???????????
Thanks to all of those who could relate and to those who couldn't but all the same thanks for your comments

Anne 8102's picture

With regard to this:

"and for those of you who feel that because you are married you can't speak to anyone that you knew from your past that is male because you are married I have this to say to you: WHAT ARE YOU HIDING???????????"

It may be a difference of opinion, but I don't think it means anyone is hiding anything. If you are okay with it and your husband is okay with it, then that's all that matters. He wasn't okay with it when you wrote the blog, but if he's okay with it now, then good for you! I'm truly glad you worked it out.


Please don't accuse us of hiding something just because we've chosen to handle this situation differently. It doesn't have to be about cheating. It can be about appearances and respect and being sensitive to a spouse who might be insecure for whatever reason. There doesn't have to be any impropriety involved... if you have a spouse who is a little insecure, maybe from having been burned in the past, for example, then even the appearance of impropriety can cause them uncertainty. We may sometimes make choices out of deference to them BECAUSE WE WANT TO, not because of some unwritten rule about how a marriage is supposed to be conducted.

It could also be that some of us just may have chosen more traditional marriages, marriages in which we just don't have the time, energy, inclination, need or even desire to continue old relationships with members of the opposite (or even same!) sex. That doesn't mean we are hiding anything, for God's sake. It just means that what works for us, what we have chosen for ourselves, is maybe different than what works for you. And hey, there's nothing wrong with that.

If we're talking about high school friends, well, my husband and I went to high school together and have many of the same friends, male and female. I wouldn't be bothered if he talked to an old friend or old co-worker. I don't think he would be bothered if I did the same. Just the same, neither one of us makes any effort to stay in touch with old friends of the opposite sex. It's not a "rule" we have or anything, we've never even discussed it. It's just never been an issue for us. But I do know for a fact that if one of us DID and the other had a problem with it, we certainly would not do it again. Not because it's necessarily wrong, but because conducting a friendship is just not as important to us as maintaining harmony in our marriage.

Just another point of view!

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

my3sons's picture

I agree! My husband has tried staying in touch with his old friends who are girls and I do not like it! By all means I am not insecure and know that he wouldnt do anything but if he wants to talk to a woman he can talk to me!! I am his best friend not some other woman. Same with me I dont go out or have conversations with other guys...small talk with those I work with and its been in front of my hubby and the same visa versa but other than that nothing else.
Its not the point of "hiding" either. Everyone has their own sense of guilt and thats something they have to live with.

stuknaz's picture

YOur last paragraph relates to me and my H. We also went to high school together grew up right around the corner from each other and have the same male/female friends so I especially agree with you when when you wrote

"but because conducting a friendship is just not as important to us as maintaining harmony in our marriage."

"And this too shall pass..."

BIOMOM's picture

However, just to reiterate:

I put myself in my S.O.'s shoes. Would I like it? My answer remains "No".

Keeping that in mind, I also would not question him running into someone in his past and sitting down, saying hello, catching up and moving on. That's fine.

But, for him to get a phone # and continue correspondence would not be acceptable. And I'm pretty sure he feels the same way.

Note: In all the cases where I have "run into" my past, sat down and caught up..... well, let's just say we had nothing left to talk about after that one conversation.

There is a reason that I chose not to continue that relationship/friendship. My reasons are usually the same after speaking with them again.

Some women, if unhappy, may be flattered by someone "Googling" them, and setting up correspondence. I would not be flattered. But then again, I'm happy!!

God, grant me the serenity,
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference...

Anonymous's picture

I have to agree with the people above who suggested that you put yourself in your spouses shoes. Divorce is rampant in America these days and it often begins with a "friend" of the opposite sex who somehow becomes more than just a friend. Relationships like this may start off innocent enough, but the potential for an affair can grow with time. Whether the affair is physical or emotional, it will certainly damage a marriage.

So, if your spouse isn't happy with it and you wouldn't be happy if the situation was reversed, then why do it?

OldTimer's picture

Is communication... not because of affairs. The affairs result because of lack of communication...

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Imustbcrazy's picture

Male friends are not an option. And it is not because I don't trust myself. It is because I am a flirt by nature, and men take it wrong. Even GOOD FRIENDS that are males... I don't realize I am doing it. I don't mean to do it, it just happens and DH hates it, so I chose to give up my male friends. He is worth it to me. None of them were "life long pals" that I just could not live without... I just chose to befriend women now, and for the most part married woman. I just don't seem to have much in common with the single ladies I know. I don't know. Maybe I am whooped. But, it is not worth losing my man over.

Daddys Gurl

It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!

Mocha2001's picture

My closest friends have always been guys, but that's cuz I'm not a girly girl. I'd rather watch the ball game than go out shoping. Just me! Anyway, I've always been up front with BFs about my male friends. Then my DH put it into perspective for me. Men are whores! They only think of one thing and how to get it. Men do not befriend women to be FRIENDS! They befriend women in the hopes of someday getting into their pants! Now, I don't agree that, that is what supports long term male-female friendships, but I have to admit ... like Daddy's Girl I am a flirt by nature ... so I'm sure my "guy friendships" started off with other intentions ... but ... my best friend is a guy, yes we used to date, DH not jealous (he trusts me), and I know ... there is nothing sexual between us! I think it's all perspective, and how up front and honest you are with everyone involved.

~ Katrina

frustratedmom's picture

The same thing happened to me- with what happened to you. I got called "b" "whor*", you name it sister! and guess what? Come to find out my ex was cheating on me with a girl at work! so be on the lookout "sometimes" those who accuse are the guilty ones themselves!

As far as what Anne8102 said up above I think she hit it right on the nail.

Lace Lady's picture

Some people are comfortable with opposite-sex friends & some people aren't. I don't think this is the problem, I think the problem is the lack of respect. If he had a problem with it he should have said so honestly & politely from the beginning like a grown ass man... not tell you he's ok with it then throw a fit at your work.

Cajun Lady

money's picture

what is your wife has a male friend and i feel he likes her but she doesnt think he does. It just maybe the male thinking another male likes my wife. How can i get her to see he likes her????

stired_crazy's picture

I would not of gave my number to him UNLESS of course he was married and knew he was a good person and I wanted me and spouse to have another couple to get together with to play cards or cookout or whatever, then I would feel we have something in common.

But, MOST men that give a number usually have a interest of some sort, sometimes us women can be to vaulnerable or trusting in our friendships that we dont always pick up on it.

If my man told me he gave a friend a number and told me she was not married after asking him questions I would have some concerns myself, Now if she was married and settled my thoughts wouldn't be to bad about it but I would still be cautious, ONLY because I dont trust people, I have learned to use more dscrimanation ever since my best friend of 10 years screwd the heck out of my x husband when I was married to him.

I can see where your hubby is coming from although IT DID NOT give him entitlement to degrade you " THAT WAS WRONG", he felt like you disrespected him by giving out your personal number and yet wants respect but did not show you any respect by what he had said to you,
two wrongs dont make a right!

You also mentioned that you are tired of his family and B.S, so first off that says you have been having issues for awhile in your home and personal life with him, that statement implyied that at this present time even recently you have not been pleased with where you are at with him in your relationship, maybe you are looking for that friend that you feel you have lost him. I am not tring to disrespect you..we have ALL been there,
And lord only knows that if a man does not want to handle his business there is someone out there who will.

Just becareful. exspecially if right now you are going through a cold spot at home, its easy to feel things in the opposite sex friendship department..I know!!
I am not saying your a cheater...but I am saying if you are unhappy you may find yourself in a emotional situation you may not know how to handle or want to deal with.

Good luck!

" Life is like a jar or Jalapeno peppers, what you
do today could burn your a*s tomorrow."

fly1's picture

I would agree that he overreacted and should not have embarrassed you. However, I don't think it is a good idea to have a male friend so close and around you so much that your husband feels uncomfortable. I think the issue you should be concerned with is that you are his wife and either you have not earned that level of trust, or he doesn't trust the intentions of the male friend(which is quite understandable). No doubt the male friend also will see the qualities that he admires in you.

You have to bear in mind that as a guy, no matter how good a man you are they are smoother guys out there and he recognizes that you are human just like him and can get caught up in something unintentionally.

Put more energy in reassuring your husband of your love for him and he will trust you more. Spend more quality time with him.

secondwife20's picture

is my two cents on this.

I have a lot of male friends, especially from high school. DH didn't like this either when we started dating because here I was, great friends with all these young, very good looking guys... and poor DH is a lot older than I am. So, he was very intimidated. I told him that he had no reason to be scared because if I was interested with any of my male friends, I wouldn't be dating him to begin with! He still had a hard time believing that, but after a while he finally got over it. My mother in law too believes that married women cannot have male friends, but I think that's only because they are old school.

The only males that my DH will not trust are my exes, but 98% of my exes aren't my friends... so he doesn't have to worry about that. lol!

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

empatheticE's picture

The future depends on what we do in the present. - Mahatma Gandhi

Don't ever let another man throw salt in your spit!-My man
He told me that a long time ago,and it took a while for me to catch on because I thought that as a loving,independent,strong woman who was clearly in love with my man,that interactions with other males should be tolerated.I too was a tomboy and one of the 'boys' growing up because I was the only female in a family of 14 that only had 2 other females in it(My mother and grandmother).I thought that because I was comfortable with men and I was in 'control' of the situation,that he shouldn't feel disrespected.After much discussion arguments and time, I finally see what he is talking about. Its just wrong,a man always has one thing on his mind and if he sense that you are weak,he will take advantage of your easygoing,lets be cool nature.
Any man who is calling out of the blue,is calling to check in,and see what your status is,and whether or not you are available.
It really shouldn't have went any further than the IM. Your husband probably thought you were smarter than that,and that's why he let you slide to begin with. When your husband didn't get upset about him 'innocently' contacting you the first time, did you really think that it was ok to have a strange man calling your house?(He is strange to you because you and him are not friends,haven't been friends and for all you know he could be the mad killer,just got out of jail,etc) Your husband was giving you the rope to hang yourself,and you took the rope tied the knot and jumped off the platform. He is quiet now because he is thinking. And yet you still stand strong in your wrongness. Beware this may come back to bite you in the azz.Men have a weird way of letting you know that you hurt their feelings. Mind you this other man has gone on about his business,yet he has caused you a problem in your relationship,and he could give two rats azzes about you. You seem to be frustrated with other aspects of your relationship,is this why you allowed this man to disrespect you and your husband and dial your home number?
Then you call and tell his mama,big mistake is right. How would you feel if your son's wife called you and said that she had given their home number to somebody she knew in the past,that dug her up?His mom is probably thinking you are crazy too,because all grown women know that you don't entertain another mans bs when you have a man. Now she is wrong too,for not agreeing with you about her son overreacting?
I don't know how long you have been married,but if you really want to remain so,don't invite drama into your relationship. Hold yourself in the high regard you want your husband to hold you in. You don't let some man run some little wooty woo game on you,you are better than that.Other men don't deserve or should receive the sound of your voice,the lilt in your laugh,the time or effort it takes to entertain their obviously pointless inquiries because you have respect for yourself and for your man. You literally have no time for it.He may have went a little overboard,but trust me it could have been worse. Sometimes we do little petty things to our mates and act like they have to take it,because they have been letting things go and we take that as kind of a weakness,and we will ride that for all its worth when we are angry or frustrated.That spit adds up,just like the stuff that they do to us,and sooner or later,you can go too far.
Then you get righteously indignant with the board,because some people gave you some differing opinions.Wrong again,because you did ask for advice,and not everybody is going to cosign on your sitch,and say hey he was dead wrong or that you were right.

Rags's picture

Complete load of horse shit in my opinion. I have many female friends from nearly every stage of my life. I call them regularly, they call me. My Wife is completely notified of all of the calls and in most cases has developed friendships with my Female friends.

As far as a woman not being allowed to have male friends......... My wife has a girlfriend name Larry that I have no issues with. Wink

In all seriousness, she also has professional male acquaintances and is in fact at this very moment down stairs running one of OUR male friends through his tax returns. The tax discussions ended an hour ago and they have been bantering and laughing for an hour. I am fine with that. She is also on Military/Community relations committee for the chamber of commerce and has regular meetings with hot men in uniform as part of her volunteer activities. I do not worry about it and I trust her implicitly. Though both of us tell the other about our day, what we did and who we did it with.

So, go ahead and divorce your asshole husband and have all of the male friends you want.

Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! Insecure idiot little boys give real men a bad name.

Just because he has a pecker does not make him and Man and no Man would do what your little boy of a husband did to you.

Just my humble opinion of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Jeans222's picture

I've been having a old BF contact me saying he wants to be my friend, someone I dated a long, long time ago.
I don't see how you can be friends with someone you once dated and broke up with, someone who you had to break up with because they weren't treating you right, after all with friends like that, they would be enemies, right?
anyway I told him NO but it's strange it comes at a time I am having so many problems in my marriage.

I don't think its good to have single friends of the opposite sex while you are married UNLESS they are gay or you have NO attraction to them at all. Why make your life hard and set yourself up for temptation and problems.
I had a male friend for many years and he was gay, so it was Ok and my husband wasn't threatened but I came to relaize, I do not like that lifestyle and want no part of it, MORE SO WHEN HE WAS WANTING TO BE CLOSE TO MY STEPSON !!! that blew my mind and I realized he could hurt and abuse him so I let the friendship go as he was kinda boring and dumb anyway I found.... he just liked young guys and my stepson was a young guy... so I decided that even though he was gay, and I had no attraction for him psycially, I also did not trust him.
I now prefer friends who are female like me who are also married.
so its not that I can't... I find no reason or desire and don't want to.
When my male friend wanted to get close to my stepson... it just BLEW ME AWAY and after that I may never want a male friend again !

Totalybogus's picture

I think the important thing is to include your husband in this friendship. I have a male friend that has been my best friend since I was 13. All of his girlfriends had a problem with me and all of my boyfriends had a problem with him. We never had any other relationship other than a platonic one.

I introduced him to anyone I was serious about and he did the same. Now we are both married and we do things as couples. When I want to schedule something with him, I go through his wife in order to make her comfortable. We do not meet alone. Its just common courtesy to our partners and allows us to remain friends.