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Paddyblue's picture

Submitted by Paddyblue on Fri, 10/19/2018 - 8:21pm

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Blended Family Issues

Hey guys,

 

So, when both myself and my partner who live together, have our three boys together, my 5yr old and her 4+2yr old, on every second weekend, i like to spend alone time with my son as I only see him 37% as my partner has her bits 63% to cement our bond away from the madness of the three boys together. Is this ok? My partner seems to think it needs to work in with everything and I can’t just go when I want as I have been made feel terrible guilty one weekend and ruining their day by spending 4hrs away with him. I’m nit comfortable with her determining when I can spend time with him as he is my son. I feel somewhat controlled. Also, her boys being younger, I am now back to restricted hours out and about as my boy is now 5 and out of that stage so we could do what ever but we don’t as I’m expected to spend all time together.  Is anyone else going through something similar and what do you do to cope? 

Hidingaway2017's picture

Submitted by Hidingaway2017 on Fri, 10/19/2018 - 9:20pm

It's important for you to spend time with your bio kid alone. It's crucial for you to retain the bond with him. I encourage it with my H and his bio kids. They need time together, away from me and my kids, to help them feel like they still have their dad. 

elkclan's picture

Submitted by elkclan on Sat, 10/20/2018 - 4:18am

I'm on the other side of this. I have one and he has 2. He only has his EOWE. I really do try to make time for him to have time alone with his kids and ALSO to make time for him to have time with each of them alone. 

But it's also really, really important for us to have time together as a forming family. And this needs to be agreed. 

Maybe you should offer - as I do - to take ONE of her kids along with yours or at other times so she has one on one time with her kids. 

But whatever you do, don't just take off with your kid without agreeing the plan. She has a right to be upset if you do that. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sat, 10/20/2018 - 8:06am

Of course it's OK to want alone time with your son, in fact, it's important.  It's incredibly absurd that it "ruins her day" if you spend time with your son.  She sounds selfish and needy.  If she's overwhelmed being alone with her two, that's her problem to solve, not yours.