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Will I ever accept new SD?

ltanya's picture

I married my ex-husband 6 yrs ago and each brought 2 boys into the marriage - really wanted to have a child with him at some point but we ended up divorcing, and during the ugly months leading up to divorce (which was his fault) he said I better never get pregnant, and that he would never remarry. We divorced and six years passed - we got back in touch - older and wiser - and realized we made a mistake and should have never split up. BUT during those six years apart he remarried AND had a child with her...and now that we've been back together almost a year I still can't stop hating him for taking that away from me...am in my 40's now and feel like I lost that chance to share a child with him. Not to mention having to deal with someone else's 2 year old (our other children are teens) - not being able to go out and enjoy myself or do "older" kid things with our boys(activities are limited with a 2 year old in tow) - hate the fact that I make so many sacrifices for a child that is not mine. I'm sure the wetting the bed, crying, throwing fits, whining, waking us up several times a night so daddy will sleep with her, etc would be more tolerable if she were mine...SD's BM is a bitch and tries to take him for every penny he has as well. Tell me, do you ever get over the anger you have? I want to pick up where we left off but it's been almost a year and I still hate him every day for doing this to me. Please tell me I am not alone.

ltanya's picture

Thank you - yes, it is a really "unique" situation - not to many couples marry, divorce and remarry again. And it's that space in between the divorce and remarriage that is killing me now. I'm trying to be strong but I agree, it may come down to seeing a counselor just so I can get through this.

ltanya's picture

That's my biggest fear...not being able to get through the anger. Like I said, it will be a year next month since we got back together and I hate him just as much for it today as I did 11 months ago. It scares me.

Thanks for responding - it really helps to have another point of view.

ltanya's picture

I know...he tells me that all the time...that we weren't together and I agree, I had no control over that. Yes, it makes me mad thinking he said I better not get pregnant and then went ahead and had a child with someone else. I guess it's solely anger because he was the cause of our marriage ending...but I guess I feel like I'm paying the price?

ltanya's picture

Wow, you summed it up. I seriously think I'm going to have to seek counseling too - I'd like to think I'm a pretty strong person but am having such a difficult time moving past this, I'm not sure if I can do it on my own. Hopefully I can.

Thanks to everyone for their input, I can't tell you all how much it helps.