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Wierdo Skids, Don't even want to come home, help!

bmo9567's picture

Sad I am so relieved to have found this site. I have looked so many times for somewhere I could log on and let everything out but could not find a site where someone didn't come on right after to bash the person and tell them they were evil. I can not stand being around my skids. They can't hold a coversation with anyone, when they do say something it completely doesn't make sense or is just plain ignorant. My SS faked asthma attacks and other ailments for the first 5 years I knew him. He is 12 now and after sitting him down he admitted to it and has not had a so called "attack" in 2 years. My SD is 15 and is very hard to describe. She will not ever stand up for herself, give an opinion or do things on her own. I have a 14 yr old BD that hates coming home when they are there just as much as me. She is able to hold a coversation and do for herself so they tend to cling to her also. They just lurk all the time in doorways, rooms, KITCHENS, ETC....... The SS still wets the bed and neither one of them have good hygiene at all. Their mom is a complete wierdo and I mean WIERDO! If you can't tell your son is faking a damn asthma attack/ailments galore, you don't deserve to have kids. The son is favored at the mom's house so the daughter is pushed to the side. It is complete torture for my daughter and me. We try to think of things we can do instead of coming home. After a while we have to give up and turn ourselves in. I come through the door hoping they will ignore me but I get some lame question like "how was your day" which seems to be the only question they know how to ask. If I answer in detail they are usually doing something else and not paying attention so after the 50th time they ask me I just say something lame back. I literally dance around the room when they leave especially when it's Tuesday and I won't see them until next Tuesday. I hate feeling this way and really have been trying to make the most of it but I find myself rolling my eyes and talking under my breath more and more. I felt like I was going crazy until I found this site. Thank you to everyone for posting. I really feel almost halfway sane again!!

Anon2009's picture

Has anyone bothered to get them tested for disabilities? Quite honestly, I have a disability called Asperger's Syndrome and some of what you said here makes me wonder if they have a disability. You might want to research Asperger's and other common learning disabilities and see if these kids have any of the symptoms for those disabilities.

bmo9567's picture

Thank you all for your comments. They really don't engage with their father either. He has even said to me it is hard for him to find things to talk about with them. When he gets a text or a rare phone call from them there isn't much elaboration on anything. They usually answer with a couple words and that's it. I don't think either of them have a disability occasionally they say something we can relate to or that is funny but most of the time it is just plain wierd. I really think it is self esteem issues with SD15 and SS12 has been raised as such a baby he can't really do anything for himself including thinking. I spent the night in my room but it breaks my heart being away from DH. We left the house this morning without really saying much to each other because of how distant I am when they are around. I really wish I could be better with it but they are just nothing like me or my daughter and it is hard being the one always having to entertain/engage them. I have tried to talk to my mom but she never had to deal with anything like this so she just makes me feel like a bad person. She was lucky to never have to be a SM. It is definitely something I would NEVER do again. DH and I have a very good relationship and we hear all the time how much everyone wants what we have. I understand what they are saying but they don't know the whole story and I guess it's just a case of the grass is always greener.

Madam Hedgehog's picture

Do you think you could sort of back track with them developmentally a bit? They missed some "self help" milestone at some point, and you may have to work backwards for a while, but I think it might help.

I've done this here and there with ss5 when he's having trouble. I'll just take a few visits and try to get him focused on self driven activites like puzzles and coloring. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I think it helps. We also found some video games that he can play so we'll do that together and I think it helps us talk about something nonstressful and fun.

So, instead of entertaining them, do you think you could entertain yourself and invite them along? I like to have art days, and while I work on something a bit more advanced, ss5 will do his own thing and ask questions here or there. Dad even gets in on art days. It's a way to do something fun without becoming the court minstrel.

I do relate to your frustration though. The skids still get a bit goofy sometimes and it takes some sort of incident to get them to think and play for themselves.